Birthday jealousy
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I am a step mother to two of my husbands children and have two of my own children. We have his children 50 percent of the time. I do and do for what seems like nothing! At this moment I feel very under appreciated. I didn't even get a thank you for the gifts I bought my step daughter for her birthday nor the awesome cake. My husband has spent more money on her presents than mine two combined. I didn't even get a card for my birthday. I am jeleobirthday! I know all the kids should be treated the same but it doesn't happen!
The rule in our house is I
The rule in our house is I buy for mine, he buys for his - that way there are no issues and we spend what we want to. All presents are from both of us effectively, just he pays for and arranges his. I also arrange our DD's presents. Spoiling them with presents is never the way forward anyway, but maybe you should sit down and discuss a budget for birthdays?
If your Skids are being rude then either you or DH need to be making sure that they are using manners and being punished if they continually don't. It's horrible feeling unappreciated, but unfortunately in this step parenting game, you'll need to get used to it because even if the kids say the right words, they won't appreciate a damn thing. Most are just totally resentful of us being where their mum should be in their eyes.
You definitely need to get some rules and consequences in place though. You have them a lot at 50%.
That's what my DH and I do.
That's what my DH and I do. It's one of the few things regarding our kids (his and mine) that we agree on. I buy stuff for my kids, and he buys stuff for his. I think he spends too much on his kids (and then they get presents from BM, grandparents, aunts and uncles, etc.), but that's his choice.
My skids don't appreciate anything I do, either. If I made a cake for one of them, they'd probably just look at it and go, "Huh. BM makes prettier cakes than you. Meh." Then they'd walk off, unimpressed.
Nothing I do is all that great as far as they're concerned, and it's certainly never appreciated. It made it easier to disengage, so whatever.
Wait, wait, wait... Am I
Wait, wait, wait... Am I reading this right? " My husband has spent more money on her presents than mine two combined. I didn't even get a card for my birthday. " Your DH didn't even get you a card on your birthday?!? My DH wouldn't even be sleeping on the couch, he'd be locked out of the house to go sleep in the garage or under a bush for all I cared! Tell your DH he better make that crap up to you!! (Assuming I'm reading that right....)
If they can't even give a
If they can't even give a thank you, then I wouldn't buy them crap. My SD is an unappreciative brat and I refuse to do anything for her. She expects everything and demands and doesn't give a thank you or anything. As for DH I second what Allyskoo said.
After the way my skids
After the way my skids responded to the things my mom got them for Christmas ("Oh wow. Is THAT all she got me? Meh."), I told my mom not to be too concerned about getting them anything for their birthdays, and she hasn't so far. She's missed one of their birthdays already, and the other two have birthdays coming up really soon. I told her to just not worry about it anymore. She's on a fixed income (retired) and doesn't really have a lot of extra money lying around, and I don't want her feeling like she has to spend it on those little ingrates.
My dad was nice enough to give SS7 a gift card for his birthday a couple weeks ago. Then DH made a comment last week about, "Gee, I hope your dad remembers SS8 and SS9's birthdays. I'd really hate it for him to get one of them something and not the other two. They'd feel SO left out. But I know your dad has trouble remembering things. Do you think we should call him up and remind him to give SS8 and SS9 a gift card, too?"
I SAW RED! :sick:
Never mind the fact that his kids never thank ANYBODY for ANYTHING they get, for birthdays or Christmas. The most they'll do is look at the person and say "Is that it?" :jawdrop:
i did one and only one
i did one and only one birthday for SD, our first together which was the beginning of the end of our "honeymoon period".
it was her 13th, a pretty big deal.
i baked a cake, i paid for all of the decor, planned the menu, etc.
she showed up moody and tired becuase dumbass BM let her stay up all night long the night before (because it was her birthday!) and was rude an ungrateful to everyone for the party. she barely uttered thank you to the people she LIKES let alone me. but that's just her horrible upbringing.
that was the last party i will EVER throw for SD. FIance is on his own from here out.
I had a discussion with my
I had a discussion with my husband about how I felt a bit last night. I didn't even bother mentioning the birthday along with the concert tickets he got all of THEM. I feel guilty for feeling this way. No...I didn't get a card or a present for my birthday...no cake either. The excuse was it was close to Christmas and he had already spent too much money. I plan all of my gift buying and put money aside for EVERYONES birthday. My children will have great birthdays this year where I will plan an event for us and not invite them. It just hurts my feelings when I have done nothing more than revolve my world around them to make the transitions better. I know it seems like I am making a big deal...and pouting over this.
I think buying for our own
I think buying for our own kids is good but he makes three times as much as I do.. and his presents are always more expensive. I spend $50 and get an awesome cake. A budget should be discusses. I think $150 worth of gifts along with mine $50 is quite much. I won't even discuss this with him...I have before about spending til I am blue in the face.
I spend more on my son,
I spend more on my son, nieces and nephews than DF's spends on his kids. I'm able to do that since I have a higher salary than he does.
We each buy or our own bios. If he tried to get me to decrease my spending to match his, I would be livid.