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Blowing off steam about a friend

doll faced sm's picture

I have no family where I live; I'm in CO because of DH's career. Not long before DH deployed, I became friends with one of his budie's wife. She's was horribly abused as a child and a teen and has permanant memory issues as a result; she's also super high-strung, type-A personality. I always thought *I* was type A until I met this woman. Not anymore. Anyway, this high-strung trait extends into *all* aspects of her life; nothing just blows over with her. And since she has a poor memory, she'll tell you the same story/issue/whatever over and over again with the same emotional conviction each time. Sometimes, I find her exhausting.

So about 3 months ago she discovered several things:
1) The apartment she was renting was infested with bat bugs (technically not a type of bed bug, but they are related and act the same way in a home)
2) The management knew about it and had known about it for years. They've let several tennants out of their leases due to the same issue.
3) The woman who works for the parent property management company who got a commission off my friend moving in also knew. This woman's husband works in the same unit as my husband and my friend's husband.
4) ALL of her furniture, books, files, clothes, and anything else based from wood or natural fibers was infested. Her furniture was not salvagable.

To top it all off, she's a bug phobe. The whole ordeal stressed her out so badly that she ended up spending time in the hospital.

Once she got moved, settled, new furniture, etc., she started the process of suing everyone involved except her DH's co-worker's wife. She agreed not to name this woman in the suit if the woman agreed to testify against the complex managment and the parent company. Yesterday was the day everyone got served. Her dh's friend's wife calls her and she doesn't have her phone on her, so this woman calls friend's dh instead and proceeds to cuss him out. Why? Who knows. By all rights, she really should be named in the suit. So, does her DH stand up for her and tell this dumb block where to shove it? Nope! Tells friend he wants her to drop the whole thing. Friend and her DH have been at each others' throats since.

Apparently, this recent developement has tripped my friend's crazy circuit. She has posted every single picture she took of the bug infested furniture and belongings to FB and tagged dh's co-worker and co-worker's wife in all of them. Seeing as how the unit is pretty tight knit, the entire company and a good bit of the battallion are aware of the issues going on, and several individuals have been dragged into it.

I love my friend and recognize that she's been through a lot recently, but even I find what she did to be a huge overstep, totally immature, and innappropriate. I want to tell her exactly that, but if I did, it'd be the end of our friendship. Of that, I'm certain. She's been there for me quite a bit while my DH has been deployed, and was practically my only moral support through all the craziness that occurred with my daughter, so I don't want to loose her frienship. I'm just having such a hard time with reconciling the person I thought I knew with this new drama queen. :/

doll faced sm's picture

Oh, absolutely will be standing by my friend. I've been there through this whole mess; I know *exactly* how badly this has affected her marriage, her health, and her finances (renter's insurance told her they would not replace her belonging since the management had it within their control to handle the issue).

I totally agree about my friend's exfriend except one thing I guess wasn't clear when I was typing. The ex-friend, when she didn't get friend on the phone right away, turned around and called friend's DH. She's not hiding behind her DH; she is trying to cause trouble in friend's marriage. What's sad is that ex-friend is succeeding; ex-friend's DH is standing up for his wife through all of this while friend's DH just wants her to drop it and not rock the boat.

doll faced sm's picture

Thank you. Smile I love her, but would/could never tell her. She wouldn't take it well and I value our friendship too much.