BM pushing us to take SD to dental/eye exams, we pay her child support for that, right?
Stepmom to SD11. She hasn't been to a dentist or eye exam since I've known her these past 4 years. DH and I pay BM $600 for child support. BM is refusing to take her to exams either because I don't have a "real job" (I'm a SAHM to 2 babies), she can't afford it bc she's bad with money, or not taking her on principle because the insurance is covered by DH and she would have to provide his card to the exams and she's embarressed.
Meanwhile, DH works 60+ hours a week, I don't have immediate access to a babysitter for her half sisters, and her BM doesn't have any more children. How and why does this responsibility fall on me? I'm very angry, but also just want to get this over with bc she will just keep on pushing and pushing and I am just tired of talking about it and being angry about it. Is there a law that says she is supposed to take her?
Lately, my thoughts change from angry to satisfied. If my stepdaughters BM is comfortable and happy with having her daughter being taken care of by me, then ... well, then so be it.
My SD and I have a pretty good relationship. I love her and would do anything to take care of her. I don't understand why the BM can't do it? We pay her to take care of her!
I don't know what to do.
YOU and DH pay child support
YOU and DH pay child support to BM?? Do you have income that has been factored into CS? If not, the CS Is paid by DH.
SD has 2 parents: DH and BM. It does not matter that you are a SAHM. When SD needs a ride to go to a medical/dental appointment, get a haircut, eat ice cream... it is the responsibility of her parents to take her OR make arrangements when they cannot drive her.
If your DH was single, YOU would not be an option. DH and BM need to remove you from the equation and make arrangements for THEIR daughter when they cannot drive her to appointments.
The only thing to consider
The only thing to consider here is that for her DH.. he may feel that part of the "deal" that she stays at home vs working means she is available to do things like this for SD.. in addition to her 2 bios.
So.. yes.. it is her DH's or the BM's responsibility to ensure the kid gets to these kinds of appts.. but in her DH's case.. he may feel that the fact that he 100% financially supports the household means that he expects his wife to do child driving to appts.. so he doesn't have to miss work.
Sure.. if she wasn't in the picture then there would be a different situation.. but then he would likely have lower costs with fewer people to support..
I here you, ESMOD. If the
I hear you, ESMOD. If the deal is that OP takes SD to appointments, that's fine. Sounds like a babysitter needs to be arranged in advance of OP playing chauffeur. But BM should never ASSume that OP is the go-to taxi service for SD.
Absolutely.. BM is not the
Absolutely.. BM is not the one that should direct her at all..lol.
But, if her DH expects her to do things as part of her stay at home obligations.. then she should take any objections up with HIM.
Definitely!
Definitely!
You do not pay BM to take
You do not pay BM to take care of SD. Your husband pays CS as he created a child with BM - and the child is entitled to financial support from both parents as the child is unable to earn an income to take care of her own needs. It is frightful to say you pay a mother (or father) to take care of their own child as if they are some sort of hired help. Most parents have an internal drive to take care of their children... although this may be absent in some people. Anyway, even though I understand your frustration with BM, that statement can not go unchalleneged from me.
Now to medical appointments. These fall to the parents. It is "nice" if you want to take SD for dental or medical appointments, but it is in no way your responsibility. Your DH's failure to take his daughter for a medical appointment due to excessive work load is in no way better than BM who may be embarrassed: both are neglectful of a minor child. If you want to and can take SD for medical appointments it remains your choice, but it does not absolve the bio-parents from their responsibility to their daughter.
You can check your DH's CO if medical payments are part of his CO. In most instances medical insurance or payment obligations are not covered by child support payments and could be a seperate issue. Paying BM however much does not make her more or less responsible for SD's medical treatment or ability to get to an appointment. Not unless the bio-parents think the child can get to a medical appointment without them - where the treating physician can refuse to treat the child in absence of an adult; or they think the child is somehow exempt from child labour laws and able to earn her own money to pay for treatment. Both Mom and Dad need a reality check - and should not think you are to be used to skirt their parental responsibilities.
Why is this even a question?
Why is this even a question?
If the child needs to go to the dentist her PARENTS need to take her!
Has zero to do with child support.
Both your DH and BM are childish.
The short answer is, no, it isn't your responsibility. But at the same time it isn't all on the BM either. Your DH also needs to step up.
Difficult situation
My guess is that the ex is resentful that current wife gets to SAHM and she does not, but that is none of her business and OP needs to ignore.
BUT if OP is trying to figure out WHY the ex is not taking the position, I can understand her thinking, well, I lose a day (or an afternoon, whatever) pay, if ex has a SAHM, she can do it.
Now, it is wrong for both parents not to take kid to dentist (eye doctor, it depends). The ex may think, well I give up work time to take kid to pedicatirican, etc. ex shoudl do something. No, 600/month does not go far if you lose your job, and a lot of absenses will do that.. OP you, or your DH are NOT paying the ex to do this. If BM won't do it, he should. Now, he may say, it costs me $XX if I have do this stuff, OP, you need to look for part time job.
The only time you have to
The only time you have to provide a card is on the initial appointment, not sure what the issue is there. The fact is that SD has two bio parents who are responsible for taking her to get her basic needs met. It sounds like they are both expecting you to step up as stepmom/nanny and take care of their kid. Some doctor appointments don't allow you to bring other kids, even a sibling, so it's unfair for them to expect you to get childcare to take their kid somewhere.
CO?
OP - what does the CO actually say? Does it state who takes skid to docs etc? Maybe BM on her time and your DH on his? Or that BM takes her? And does it state how this is to be paid?
Maybe there's nothing in it regarding these arrangements but that would be odd as it is an important part of childcare. Maybe no one wants to take her because they will end up with the bill.
Ii don't believe that BM should assume you should do it but like others said, if your DH is working and it is your time to have her and she needs to see a doc or dentist then it needs to happen.
My DH arranged and paid for all health and education needs for skids. BM did nothing ever, if one of them got ill she returned them to DH ordering him to make a doctors appt or go to pharmacy etc. She thought her pathetic 60 dollars 's month entitled her to call the shots. Despite the CO stating that each was to provide for all the skids needs when with the respective parent. She was eowe. So, that's the other side of the story