BM stole $ we sent sd17
My sd17 has two babies(yeah I know) and lives with BM, by choice. She didn't want to move 4 hours away to us and then of course she didn't want to leave the babydaddies. Eventually because of her behavior, my SO wouldn't allow her to live with us and throw our home into chaos. Every visit has been hell.
BM is an evil creature. She makes sd give her gas money all the time, steals money from sd and sd's boyfriend for pills and spends their foodstamps on junk food and Monster drinks. There are no court orders at all about child support. Because they can't seem to prevent BM from taking their money we now usually order diapers and groceries online for them to pick up at their local superstore in place of sending money for child support. Well SO recieved some money unexpectedly so he sent all his kids some money. He sent SD17 $100 and warned her to take care of it, and open a bank account with it(then we could zelle money instead of paying to send money through western union and then it couldn't be stolen from a wallet or anything) She informed SO this morning that she found her wallet in another room and the $60 she had left was missing, and BM was stocked up with cigarettes and Monsters and snacks. SO told her there was nothing he could do, he had warned her to hide it and she knew what would happen.
I don't know how many hundreds of dollars we've given over to BM to blow on pills and cigarettes. I finally raised enough hell for SO to realize we need to look at other options. SD KNOWS that's what happens and she won't take steps to prevent it!! Won't get a bank account, won't hide the cash. Just complains to SO and hints at needing things for the babies and groceries and stuff. I told SO we need to stick with it from now on...no sending money unless they get a bank account, only ordering groceries/toiletries/diapers for them to pick up.
I don't have a huge problem getting her a few groceries and especially things the babies need. These are my only grandchildren. But I'm so sick of paying for my husband's ex-wife's addictions. 60 fucking dollars down the toilet.
Shake my damn head.
Shake my damn head.
Wtf is wrong with people? It amazes me these losers even exist. I'm sorry you have to deal with that creature
My oldest daughter
did high school with her dad in another state and SM was guilty of this regularly. It got to the point that we would send money and she would pick it up at a Western Union and have a trusted friend hold it for her. Birthday presents, Christmas presents, etc were all stolen or thrown out and cash was taken because "SM deserved it for raising the little bitch." Now, let me put my bio-filter on but oldest DD is an amazing kid. Valedictorian, volunteer, independent, self-sufficient, the whole nine yards and DH and I paid for everything from school tuition and medical insurance to clothing and activities. The only reason DD stayed was the graduate from her high school and then she immediately moved out.
I never did find a solution beyond a friend holding the money. Even after she moved out SM took money from DD's checking account and claimed it was "hers" because it was a minor account. I would often express my frustration that DD didn't hide things better but I also think that a 17 year old often feels stuck or beholden. I am sure it is worse with kids of her own.
Neither DS or DD have anything to do with SM and very little to do with their dad.
Can your SD get housing and such in your area (so she isn't living with you) with her kids or even housing in her area?
wow - yikes. My mom always
wow - yikes. My mom always helped herself to our stuff (me and my brother). But we also weren't desperate for food or anything. I get the frustration of being a step parent -obviously I do, but it saddens me that so many people on this site would applaud the SM for compensating herself for dealing with your child. <sigh>
Why would you assume many
Why would you assume many people here would applaud that SM for stealing? LOL Wow. I see no one clapping. The real question is: if that's what you think of the majority of posters here, why the hell do you come here so often? Strange.
whaaaaaaat???
it saddens me that so many people on this site would applaud the SM for compensating herself for dealing with your child.
I"m baffled by this statement. Why do you think that??
She can't do anything without
She can't do anything without a parent signing. In her state minors can't do anything...she can't at 17 even open her own bank account without a parent signing for her!! So anything she needs to do can't be done unless her mom is capable of leaving the house and helping, and that's not often. SO has tried to call to give permission but it has to be in person. I don't encourage any skids to move here, none of them drive, they are mean, one has 2 babies, I would be the one to drive everyone everywhere and my hands are full as it is with what I have. I'd be stuck with sd17+2 babies living here while on a housing waiting list and driving her back and forth to work and the babies to the doctor bc they are sick all the time. That would be a nightmare.
I do often feel like "why didn't she hide the money better?" but at the same time I hurt for her for having such a shitty evil mother. We did find out sd17 had the wallet under her pillow and BM took it while sd was asleep. And she admitted to it.
In the state of Texas
you become head of household once you have children, since she has accomplished so much by the ripe age of 17 (2 children) is she not considered an adult in yur state?
Texas is so awesome. Holding
Texas is so awesome. Holding people accountable and all.
No she's not! Isn't that
No she's not! Isn't that crazy! She can't enroll herself in adult ed to finish school or get married or open her own bank account or take herself to the doctor. She couldn't even leave the hospital with her newborns until her parent signed her out. I always assumed once a minor has her own children, she's emancipated, but that's not true in all states.
Only playing devil’s advocate
Only playing devil’s advocate here but are you sure that BM stole the money and past monies? I only pose this due to experience with my own SDs but mine , if they were in this position of us not being able to actually see what happens, would use BMs past behaviors as a way to get more from us, claiming money was stolen when it actually wasn’t.
I am in no way on a toxic BMs side here, I just have a lot of mistrust for skids and especially for teenmommultiplebabydaddy skids, I have one of those and she’s horrible.
I was thinking the same thing
I was thinking the same thing. The young lady has managed to sucker two guys into getting her pregnant (I know...not that hard at 16). I think dad is a sucker, too, and skid knows it.
Stop sending cash. And tell kiddo that now she has kiddos herself, it's time she figured out how to keep track of her money. If she lives with a known theif, either move or buy a safe. Either way, she shouldn't be bailed out every time she is stolen from or lies about being stolen from.
Wow surprisingly it didn't
Wow surprisingly it didn't occur to me that she's lied about BM stealing the money! Mainly because when that's happened SO never ever replaces it so he hasn't taught her that blaming BM gets her more money.
smh
smh
My wife is a former 16 & Pregnant/Teen Mom. Not on the show but definately IRL. It amazes both of us how many teen moms there are in her home town. It is a never ending stream of teen breeders that seemingly never stops.
My DW figured it out the first time while many of her home town contemporaries and younger home town teen moms just kept squeezing them out by a seemingly never ending stream of baby daddies. Then they all whine and cry about how no one will help them and how expensive it is to raise a kid (while claiming it is no more expensive to raise a second one --- Yes SIL, I am talking to you... you moron.) and just splay their legs open for yet another baby juice deposit. And of course the toothless redneck dipshit serially breeding teen boys just line up and then spend their lives whining about how one or the other of their baby mamas is taking all of their money. They all end up looking 40 when they are 25, spend money on cigarettes and tattoos, their pool league and pretty much remain a waste of skin for their whole lives. Or at least that is how they have progressed for the past 24+ years I have been observing them on visits to my wifes home town.
My bride never let being a teen mom define her or limit her in any way. She graduated with her HS class with honors though the school tried to get her to do a GED or transfer to the alternative program for teen moms, she went on to a dual major BS with honors, an MBA with honors and has a successful career as a CPA. When my MIL's coworkers come in to work whining about their pregnant teen daughters or granddaughters my MIL shares my bride's story and many of the whiners get angry with my MIL. "Well, not all of these girls can be like your daughter!" This has happened so often that my MIL just doesn't say anything any longer and gets very upset that she can't have pride in what my wife has accomplished after being a single teen mom.
When we happen to catch an episode of 16 & Pregnant or Teen Moms my wife gets very agitated with those young women for blowing their lives with serial out of wedlock breeding and picking dipshits as their next husband or breeding partners. Usually she demands that we turn it off after a very short time.
Live and learn. In the future
Live and learn. In the future Stop sending cash...order diapers and clothing for the babies on line (walmart) and have the boxes sent to teen. OR order high chair...send it to her.
Easy to assume teen mom (no disrespect) recieving foodstamps wic vouchers, welfare? IF you think BM is missusing teen moms gvt funds report her.
What about child support to teen mom? Still active?
Also if you suspect BM is using inside the home call cps for welfare check for Grand childrens sake. You did already ,,,right?
Yes there was a months-long
Yes there was a months-long cps case that just now ended. BM did a few days of jail time for some things, dui and failure to appear to court. It's like no matter how many times she showed up high on pills and what cps uncovered it was never enough for the judge to really do anything. They finally closed the case. Reporting the pill abuse and food stamp abuse did nothing!
The newest babydaddy lives with sd and BM and BM's boyfriend. The first babydaddy buys groceries and baby things too. There are no child support orders or visitation orders for anyone involved, even SO gives as he sees fit as sd is now a mother of 2 and made the choice to live an adult life. He very unexpectedly recieved a good amount of money so he sent some to each kid, we took my kids for clothes and extras, things like that.
How sad. It's just sad that
How sad. It's just sad that people choose to live their lives this way.
BM has always thought that whatever the skids had it was hers as well, laptops, phones, cars. We know that she's taken money from the skids that we've given them for living expenses while in school but it's all on them. If they are stupid enough to give her money that was meant for them to live on, oh well. Not much we can really do about it. We didn't fund them with extras and they didn't ask. BM just felt that what's theirs is hers and I guess when that's what you grow up with, that's your reality.
Now that the skids are working and providing for themselves they don't give BM as much but we know damn well that if it came down to it, they'd give her their last dollar to get her nails done, while they go without food.
Pathetic and sad. The
Pathetic and sad. The SpermClan tried to guilt my SS into sending money to help support his three younger also out of wedlock SpermIdiot spawned half sibs after he joined the USAF. He never did. He called his mom and I so upset the first few times they tried that. He was angry and hurt and could not understand why they would do that kind of crap.
When he was growing up as hard as we tried to prepare him to deal with their crap once he was an adult it still broke his heart when it happened. Now he pretty much has written them off other than keeping in touch with SpermIdiot spawn #2. He does remain in contact with his sister. His two younger brothers (#3 and #4) he has written off along with his SpermIdiot.
As much as I detest them all I truly hope that they get their shit together so that my SS does not have to have the embarrassment of them in his life and could actually have a level of pride in that part of his family.
Get her a pre-paid Visa in
Get her a pre-paid Visa in her name and never again send cash or anything of value. You can put money on it when necessary.
We opened an account for SS after the same crap from the SpermClan.
We used to give him money for his visitation travel and invariably the SpermClan would guilt him into paying for stuff. Filling the SpermIdiot's gas tank, paying for meals for the extended SpermClan at restaurants after they picked him up from the airport..... etc..... or just take the cash away from him.
So we qiuit sending cash and opened a joint $ZERO dollar account with his name and my brides name on it. When he was traveling we would move money into the account in case of emergencies and he could use his debit card for purchases. We never gave him teh PIN so he could't take cash out of an ATM but he could use it as a credit card. As soon as we received confirmation that they had picked him up... we immediately removed the money from that account. We did not tell him of this. And we kept it quiet to teach the SpermClan a lesson.
They tried to get him to pay things with his card. My favorite was when SpermGrandHag and the 4 all out of wedlock SpermIdiot spawn (SS and his three younger half sibs by two other baby mamas) stopped for lunch after picking SS up at the airport. They ate, SpermGrandHag had no money, SS's card was rejected and they all had to wait for hours for SpermGrandPa to come to the restaurant to pay the bill and fill up her car with gas so that she could get SS and the other kids home.
You would think that all it would take would be once for them to learn that lesson but it actually happened several times over the years.
Leave to Rags to come up with
Leave to Rags to come up with a brilliant solution. I always love your sperm clan stories when you outsmart them. (which isn't too hard) LOL So many lessons you have to share. You should write a how to book on baring their stupid a$$.
That is a great idea!! I'm so
That is a great idea!! I'm so glad you suggested it. I'll look into it and I think that's what we'll do. And only put the $ amount they need when we know they are at the store without BM. I told her and babydaddy we are not sending anymore money because I refuse to buy BM pills and cigarettes ever again.
Hmmm, maybe your DH could
Hmmm, maybe your DH could just open a separate account for her that he can put $ into for when she is older and out of the house?? He could do that in place of physically giving her money, and then anything else can just be purchased and sent?