Teen mama drama
I have a sd17 who is a "mom" of 2...a 2 year old and a 7 month old. Dh kept getting her set up with someone to live with, helping make sure her transportation to school and doctors and dentist waa working out, she'd lie and act out and throw it all away. Finally a month ago he'd had it and told her if she blew this one he was done with her. He was at that point only paying her phone every month($25!) and before that he was ordering her a case of diapers a month or so and a few groceries. He'd stopped giving her any money back in the end of summer. Of course she blew that arrangement, she won't keep her kids longer than a day at a time, about a week ago it came out that she isn't sure which guy is the father of #2. Now yesterday she signed custody of that same baby over to the guy who has been taking care of her 90% of the time anyway. My husband is so disappointed, as I would be if it were my child. She is so full of lies and is so hateful if you call her out on anything. She really hurt my husband a few weeks ago with things she said(he should have stayed with his abusive ex-wife if he really loved his kids) them turned around and said she only said those things because she was mad. I was going to tell her myself if she ever talks like that to him she will get not another dime from my household but my husband did it himself! He stood up and just cut her off. Not even sending diapers because he finally gets it. Now anybody but sd is raising her kids. Dh is ready to let her go into the system until she turns 18. She's had all the opportunities, repeatedly, and throws every bit of it away. And oh there's a new boyfriend now so I'm figuring a few weeks from now we'll be getting the news that there's going to be another baby!
What a loser. She'll be in
What a loser. She'll be in the welfare system most of her adult life as well
So, both DH and BM could be
So, both DH and BM could be in for a visit from CPS, here anyway, since she's 17 and they are still legally responsible for her. Even if they did "put her in the system", they'd have to pay 17% of their income to the state to support her. I hope she's turning 18 soon.
They are already involved. My
They are already involved. My husband is in the clear. Her mother its not.
Gotcha. Personally, I'd
Gotcha. Personally, I'd rather pay part of my income to the state than deal with a kid like that.
Right this minute she is
Right this minute she is acting out, arguing with my husband and with her guardian-of-the-day and is very possibly about to lose the home she's in and then she'll end up in state's custody. She says, "Stop acting like you can do something from 4 hours away." I'd be sitting with my popcorn if it wasn't time for me to go to bed! He told her not to contact him when she stops being mad and realizes she needs him and don't call him crying when she has nowhere to go.
Meanwhile I presume the
Meanwhile I presume the fathers of these two children do nothing? She opened her legs and suddenly she got pregnant on her own?? Wow.
No, one father has custody
No, one father has custody now of his supposed baby, and the other babydaddy's grandmother who he lives with keeps that child and the dad takes care of it, buying what that one needs. The fathers are taking care of their babies.
At least she chose boys/men
At least she chose boys/men who are willing to step up and care for their kids (or their family is).
That's good to know- women
That's good to know- women don't get pregnant on their own and sometimes they get all the blame!
That's true, my issue is the
That's true, my issue is the repeated getting pregnant and having babies she does not want to take care of. There have been times in between pregnancies and recently that she thought she was pregnant and miscarried. Maybe add a new birth control on top of what she's on already?
I understand the situation- I
I understand the situation- I was just responding to the facile comment about keeping her legs shut. I really feel for you, her self-esteem is way down, and she doesn't seem very bright. Sounds as if she does need some support in making better choices about how she uses her body. What about implants? They are pretty effective for vulnerable women.
Someone needs to inform this
Someone needs to inform this girl that birth control has been invented.
She cannot just go around popping out children, when she cannot even taken care of herself, and then dumping them on other people - even if it is the fathers.
Even dogs do better.
I agree that someone needs to
I agree that someone needs to talk to.the girl about birth control, but she is a minor, so in many places that person has to be a parent (or the parent has to give permission to someone to do it). We can agree, or disagree, that the law needs to be changed, but that is the reality today in many places.
You are right, thank you for
You are right, thank you for the reminder.
It slipped my mind that the girl is in US and I am in the UK where our laws are different - and contraceptives are free and available to over 16s without parental consent through the NHS.
Under 16 is at the health provider's discretion - they assess whether the person under 16 understands the issues relating to contraceptives and sex before providing and/or consider informing a parent - or providing further confidential counselling.
Never the less, she is over the age of consent for contraceptives in the UK, but I did not know the info you provided in the case of the US - which I should have remembered is generally in the dark ages when it comes to reproductive health issues, especially relating to women.
Thanks for the reminder
In my state, a child 12 or
In my state, a child 12 or over has a right to privacy when it comes to reproductive health. Only in very conservative states do parents have to be involved in BC decisions.
She had been on birth control
She had been on birth control but obviously wasn't taking it properly, twice.
My DH was a teen dad. He
My DH was a teen dad. He never learned how to parent well, but he married BM, worked his butt off, and joined the military to support their two mistakes *cough cough* I mean kids.
Teens like this girl disgust me, as does the system that allows them to keep their offspring. She obviously has issues and lacks the maturity to parent responsibly. Her children deserve far better.
Good for you for staying out of this mess.
She needs to lose custody of her kids
Update
Well sd17 was arrested today after much drama. I think for not going to school? We'll find out tomorrow. She lied to pretty much everybody about everything. And her BM is as usual being an idiot and either neglecting or enabling. BM is labeled an unfit mother anyway and has been in and out of jail for dui's and he daughter missing too much school.
Sd's new boyfriend it turns out had no idea how crazy everything is with her. So I don't know what's going to happen with him! I think he's also the one who could be the real daddy of one of the babies but I don't know for sure. She kept him a secret from us but we found out today they are engaged and BM was going to sign for them to get married...
Update2
The judge ruled that sd17 is on 24/7 watch with her mother. She is not allowed to go ANYWHERE unless she is with her mother. She is not allowed to see her boyfriend because she "already has two children not taken care of and doesn't need more." The judge put a restraining order on the bf. If sd is caught anywhere at all without her mother She and BM go to jail. BM has to accompany her to school where she signs in with the officer there and she can only Leave with BM. No dating, no being dropped off at the mall, nothing. The judge totally blew out BM and sd17. Babydaddy2 is getting custody of sd's youngest and babydaddy1's grandmother is getting custody of sd's oldest until the father is out of school. He already buys everything his child needs.
My husband has been called several times by the authorities involved and because he's been sending money/food and getting her set up repeatedly and her refusing to move to us and our housing situation he is in the clear. But he's done with her financially at all. He's scared she's going to disappear like BM used to do. I feel for him because if I had a bad egg of a kid I'd be heartbroken. I've been disappointed in mine a few times. So I haven't been saying much, just listening and making sure the grandkids are ok. I had gotten really attached to the first one before sd snatched him away from us when he was a few months old. DH is in shock that his daughter is making the choice to be this type of mother
What's important is that the
What's important is that the babies have been placed in better, stable homes. Thank goodness for that.
Your H's daughter is a complete write off who will follow in her mother's trashy footsteps. Support your H, but be sure to get some long term policies in place to ensure peace is maintained in your home. It sounds as if she will always be the barbarian at your gate.