BM wants to relocate...with no plan
I'm new here, but honestly I have no idea where else to go. I am living with my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years he has a 6 yr old daughter. His ex wife lives in the same town and we are all fairly civil. Last year she started up with the whole idea of dropping everything and moving to a new state. I have moved across the country before and know from experience that it is no where near as easy as she thinks it is. We live in GA and the cost of living is basically nothing (I'm from New England where it's much more difficult to afford housing) and her and her new husband are having trouble making ends meet down here. She is currently not working and he has a job as what I could best describe as unskilled labor. They are considering states and cities with astronomical housing prices, and they have 0 job prospects. I have a nice job and so does my boyfriend, we live comfortably below our means and are saving to buy a house sometime in the future.
They want us all to move together, she said that she won't move "unless we all agree" but since there is no clause in their custody agreement that she's not allowed to move out of state I tend to not believe her. I understand that the schools are bad where we are (the next county over, a 10 min drive is much better), but there is no way that she can afford to live any where with great schools (where most median incomes are $50k over what they make). She is living in this fantasy world where moving somewhere else is going to mean her and her husband will find jobs that pay 50k a year and buy a nice house. I don't know how to talk to her about it without sounding rude, I don't want her to make things hard(er) on us. Right now she gets state assistance and I know she will fight to keep joint custody so she can keep the benefits. I don't know what to do. My b/f is just at a loss, he's going along with it because he's scared that he'll lose his daughter if he doesn't move too. I don't want to be dragged around on the coat tails of an unrealistic dreamer, I have talked to my b/f about modifying the custody agreement and he shot me down flat. He said it would be incredibly difficult to for a father to get full custody from the mother unless she is unfit. I have no idea what to do, please help
He can ask the court to tell
He can ask the court to tell the mom not to move. That's not incredibly unrealistic. If he really wants his daughter around often then he'll do it.
I've been looking that up
I've been looking that up lately. I think he's afraid that she'll go for full custody if they go to court, I don't understand why he would think the court would grant it to her. I want to talk to a family lawyer, but I know he would be mad at me if I did. Going to the court for judgement would completely destroy any chance of maintaining any kind of civil relationship in the future...
I haven't seen the custody
I haven't seen the custody order, I know they have joint custody and she is primary. From what I've learned from his mom he opted not to put a clause in about moving out of state because "he didn't think she would ever do that to him." He doesn't really want to move, he says he feels helpless to stop her. Maybe I'm just mean, but I would take her to court if I was in his place. I have no real ties to where I am currently living, i wouldn't mind relocating is she was at all realistic about it. But she isn't, I don't want to lose my b/f or the little girl who is basically my daughter too. :*(