Can you punush SKs for something BM let them do???
So today BM took 13-year-old SD to get her nose pierced. I'm not even kidding. SD had texted DH telling him what she was planning and he told her she should not do it. I called her too and told her to think about how much hassle it would be with her allergies and constantly runny nose. She got it done anyway of course.
What kind of person lets a 13yo pierce their nose????
Anyway, I think we should give her a consequence/punish her for doing something so stupid. But then I think, is that really fair, since BM took her to do it and probably even suggested it or talked her into it. It's supposed to be the parents' job to keep kids from doing stupid stuff. But at the same time I want her to know she has responsibility too - she can't just get away with this crap because her mom is going to let her do it.
Thoughts???
You really cant punish her
You really cant punish her for something her parent gave her permission to do weather you agree or not. It is not fair. Just my opinion.
You know, the word STEPPARENT
You know, the word STEPPARENT has the word PARENT right in it. I am her parent too.
But yeah, that's how I was feeling...not fair to punish her. But how are we going to teach her that she needs to think for herself and make her own responsible choices?
Oh well. What's done is done. I guess her consequence is having to deal with me being bitchy about it and DH also not happy with her.
No, you're not. I'm not,
No, you're not. I'm not, either. I was SD's stepparent when she went, WITH her mother, to get her nose pierced as well. She was still in middle school.
Under what philosophy would you EVER consider you, as a "step," punishing a child for something her PARENT allowed her to do??????
Have you lost your marbles??
Have you lost your marbles?? What LAW states that??? Every state I've been in allows for it with parental (NOT stepparental) consent.
Abuse? Endangerment? ARE YOU KIDDING ME???
I let my DD11 pierce her cartilage. Wanna call CPS on me??
"I let my DD11 pierce her
"I let my DD11 pierce her cartilage".
Ewwwwwwww.
On her EAR. What makes that
On her EAR.
What makes that "EW?"
And I'm a piercing/tattooing prude. My ears have one hole, and I have no tats.
I'm sorry, I wasn't allowed
I'm sorry, I wasn't allowed to have an opinion? I don't like cartilage piercings.
But hey, it's your kid, and your parenting. Carry on.
I was just wondering what
I was just wondering what made it "ew."
I disagree with many things parents do, but "ew" isn't usually the word that describes it.
Do you know what a cartilage piercing is? And that they don't bleed (unlike lobes?) And that you don't need to turn/twist them like lobe piercings?
You can totally have an opinion. I just wondered about the "ew" part.
Who knows. Maybe you're just trying to pick a fight.
No, picking a fight with you
No, picking a fight with you would have been me saying that letting an 11 year old get their cartilage pierced looks low class and perhaps the child's name is Honey Boo Boo.
But I didn't say that. I said "ew". A little touchy, aren't you? Maybe I just meant cartilage piercing skeeves me out and seems painful, Maybe you need to re-examine YOUR feelings about it.Why so defensive? :?
That was funny. That Honey
That was funny. That Honey Boo Boo thing cracks me up. I just wondered what "ew" meant. That's all.
I don't feel hillbilly letting her do it. She had to work to earn it, too.
"Cartilage" just makes me
"Cartilage" just makes me woozy to think about. I'm not voicing an opinion about right/wrong/indifferent, just saying, the thought makes me personally feel like I need to lie down with a cool cloth on my head. And I work in the medical field. Don't judge me!
See, and I'm a TOTAL
See, and I'm a TOTAL needle-phobe. I get woozy just thinking about needles, and blood tests make me pass out.
That's why I decided NOT to work in the medical field!
Oh needles make me terribly
Oh needles make me terribly light-headed. I am the world's worst patient! I get an "annual" physical about once every 5 years, and I take Xanax ahead of time. Let's hope someone drops a piano on me before I ever get an illness that requires any intensive treatment!
I win the needle fear war-I
I win the needle fear war-I am terrified of IV's. Guess who ended up in the ER last week and then had emergency surgery and it took 18 TRIES to get an IV in. 18. Finally, after 16 hours it went in my neck.
I suffered it, I am going to brag about that shit LOL
Ewwwwww! In the neck! You
Ewwwwww! In the neck! You must have been black and blue all over from the attempts. How people ever end up being recreational IV drug users is beyond me!
That's a bummer. She hasn't
That's a bummer.
She hasn't had a single issue with it. She didn't even complain about soreness when it was done.
under 18 withOUT parents
under 18 withOUT parents permission.
Maybe it is just me but I
Maybe it is just me but I dont see a nose peircing being that big of a deal. Maybe because I myself have them. In a few years she amy get tired of it and take it out and you will barely even see the hole. Child abuse are endangerment really it is neither that will never hold up. There are kids out there who are really abused and neglected who need intervention and to waste a case workers time for a nose ring is a great injustice. There are worse things a 13 yo can do.
At 13 is she really old
At 13 is she really old enough to take care of it responsibly? That would be my biggest worry. BM got SD5's ears pierced when she was 2 with no warning, just dropped her off with these red swollen ears! I still shudder at the sleepless crying nights we went through. Eventually one ear got infected and BM had to take them out.
Don't know how often your DH has your SD, but that sounds selfish of BM. I'd do what the other posters recommended and talk to DH about making her take the piercing out in your home. If DH thinks 13 is too young then it's too young in his house. Maybe a talk with BM is in order too, another stunt like this and she might be in danger of contempt - i'm guessing he has some sort legal custody.
I had my bds ears done at 6
I had my bds ears done at 6 months and had no sleepless nights. It was my choice as her Mom to do it so it was my responsibity to care for them so I don't see your point with that. I do however agree with you on the "is she hold enough" to take care of it. A 13 should be but not call so Maybe that is your way of teaching her a lesson. Do some research see What kind of care it needs and if she is not caring for it then it comes out. Keep in mind you did not give Birth to this child so Really have little say in what fuisthis child does.
No one said Mom's don't have
No one said Mom's don't have a "choice," in this sort of thing but some conversation with the other half is always appreciated. I distinctly remember BM bringing home a crying two year old one hour after getting the piercing, handing DH the bottle of disinfectant and saying, "see you in one week." That's pretty shitty, in my opinion. They have 50/50 custody. Also please keep in mind that every child is different. I was merely describing an unsettling event in our household.
I think the OP is at liberty to discuss this with her SO and determine the best way to handle the situation. My advice may not be the best advice for her and that's okay.
Additionally, I'm fully aware of the fact that I did not give birth to this child. That's something someone would remember. Thanks for the reminder though.
I disagree. The op really
I disagree. The op really has no say in this matter. It is not her child, I think there are somethings SP need to stay out of and this is one of them. If this kid was miss behaving and turning HER home up side down then by all means she has a say. It seems her biggest problem is she does not like body piercings so weather this kid is 13 or 18 she would have a problem. You can't always put your dislikes or likes on a skid. Idk just don't see the big deal.
Sorry for typos I am typing
Sorry for typos I am typing from my phone
I finally quit using my phone
I finally quit using my phone to try to post here - it looked like it was typed by someone who was fluent in Slavic, not so much English.
If a stepparents opinion
If a stepparents opinion mattered when it came to Skids, half of the heathens would be living in Timbuktu. Mine included.
Mine would be, too.
Mine would be, too.
If a stepparents opinion
If a stepparents opinion mattered when it came to Skids, half of the heathens would be living in Timbuktu. Mine included.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
THIS!
Honestly, I think it all
Honestly, I think it all depends on the situation. If you and Dh are the custodial parents and bm is not a regular fixture in the skids life, then yes I would punish for going against our wishes.
My skids moms are MIA. SS was pulled by dcf when he was two and sd's left when she was an infant. They both pop back up periodically every few years. If one of my skids disobeyed our rules with thier mom, hell yes there would be hell to pay when they got home.
But if mom is an active parent then she has just as much authority as dad, and you can't fault the kid if she had permission.
I'm on the other end of this
I'm on the other end of this spectrum. My DD14 is very mature for her age and appears to be 17 yrs old, and of course, wants certain things that older girls want. She wants her nose and navel pierced and definitely wants a nice tattoo as well. Her dad (whom she lives with most of the year) is strictly against it, I am not. However; the big difference is, I wouldn't allow her to do such things prior to age 18, if I didn't have her dad's explicit permission.
Case in point: this summer, she wanted to dye the underside of her long blonde hair bright blue. I made her get her dad on the phone and ok it before I even considered doing it for her. Even though it's temporary, not a permanent thing, I wanted him to be aware that she'd likely be coming back to his home with a different color in her hair and I wanted him to be ok with that.
Now, if dad allowed her to alter her body in a way that I didn't approve of, there's no way I'd punish HER for that. In my opinion, it's not fair to her.