Car for SD
Dh and I share a bank account... we've been together for 11years, and we share funds... in our state, CS only includes what DH files on taxes, and cannot ever come after MY income.
A few years ago, DH and I discussed how we were going to deal with the kids (including SD cars situation, as they will eventually need a car to be able to get back and forth to eventual jobs/job interviews, school, extra curriculars/friend's/boy or girlfriend's houses etc... We decided we would use my income tax refund to purchase cars for them (including SD) as they are all approx 1 year apart from eachother, each year I get a tax refund, I'll use it for that. And DH has even discussed this WITH BM, as this is a big purchase for her daughter.
Well, over the past few years, SD really has distanced herself from us, and more and more I didn't want to use my income tax refund to purchase her a car. But I didn't know how to tell DH that I feel my tax refund should n't go towards his daughter, as I don't feel like she's actively part of this family any more.
WELL, DH had put off buying SD a car, as she hasn't even been attempting to drive, even a little. RECENTLY, she's been driving a little here and a littel there, but she still doesn't even have her license, and she's been taking driver's ed class online since before her 16th birthday. So DH started looking for cars again.
SOOOO, last time we picked up SD she was talking about her mom buying her a car, or she was getting her grandma's car, or her step dad's car... that DH should call her mom about it. SOOOO, DH called BM, and sure enough, BM is getting SD a car.
I feel like, "Ok BM, you win, I won't spend my money on SD."
Typical BM
That's frustrating for sure. We still have about 4 years for when SD can drive and we have discussed if we were getting her a vehicle or not. My mother said she was giving my DD13 her SUV once she turns 16 and talking about how they can share the vehicle etc... I, myself wouldn't want to spend my money to buy SD a vehicle since she has both of her parents in her life, but would if there wasn't any other option. BM has always tried being in competition with me. Last year I wanted to take SD to a pumpkin patch, it landed on BM's weekend and BM said that was fine. SD wound up sick that weekend and BM said that it wasn't a good idea, I said ok, that's fine. Log onto facebook the next day and saw that she took SD to a pumpkin patch, SD wasn't wearing a coat or hat, she was in a dress and flip flops and where we live its super cold in October. Pretty much any idea I had, BM took.
This situation sounds like she's trying to be in competition with you. It's unfair but it happens. I guess take it as at least you're saving money now. *shrugs*
OH THATS EXACTLY WHAT I THINK
OH THATS EXACTLY WHAT I THINK!!! LOL
I 100% believe BM is trying to be in competition with us... but you know what, her and SD have REALLY started to try to push us out of SD's life... and I could care less at this point because SD has LITERALLY turned into a little mini BM... they are both disgusting individuals who are both either BPD or NPD. SD has learned from BM how to use herself as a pawn to get what she wants... but DH has given in to every whim of BM because she has ALWAYS used the magic phrase "I think it's in SD's best interest" (literally about what ever BM wants to do, including taking SD on a company picnic where hundreds of drunk adults were partying)
But NOW SD has decided when she doesn't like it when people don't believe her lies, she doesn't come around for months at a time...
Even her BFF is no longer her BFF over her personality... she's been BFFs with SD since middle school, SD is literally a disgusting excuse of a person
My only concern would be
My only concern would be coming back to you for auto insurance. Make sure that you have a talk with SD so there in no question on what you are/not willing to pay for!
DH can pay for her car
DH can pay for her car insurance... I mean he IS her father. we both make money and it goes into one account. But i figure what ever he spends on SD is coming out of what he makes. but specifically I don't want my income tax spent on her for a big purchase like a car. He can even go get her some cute car accessories with HIS money... but when MY income tax comes in, it's gonna be time for momma (me) to go get some shopping on! I have a cruise to go on this summer, I have to get some new outfits, shoes to match the outfits too, right?
sounds like a slam dunk
You dont spend your money on ungrateful emotional terrorists. SD qualifies under that umbrella.
As soon as SD15.5 turned 5.5, I mentioned she is now eligible for a driving class. And a workers permit. Not much interest until last Sunday. But then she ONLY wants a job for after school. DH specified that she should focus on getting her drivers permit first. Then focus on job, later. That makes sense to me. Because Feral Forger Sd22, doesnt have her license still, but gets jobs online, and shows up for maybe half of them and uses driving as her excuse (from what Ive heard).
Spend all that tax return cashola on YOU. Thse Black holes of money, time and energy are just not worth it.
that's exactly how I feel, SD
that's exactly how I feel, SD has been nothing but an emotional terrorist in my home
I did not get my DL until I
I did not get my DL until I was 18. Neither did my skid. My wife got hers at 19.
Different situations have different outcomes.
exactly! I prefer m kids to
exactly! I prefer m kids to get their license and an afforable (yet reliable) car to get to and from where they need/want to go so that they are more independent and don't HAVE to rely on me. my kids have places they want to go and, as long as I approve, they can now get there by themselves. But if parents/friends don't mind taxi-ing children everywhere, there isn't any reason that they should get their license or a car of their own.
DH was BIG on them buying their own first car, until he saw that this meant that either he/I would have to drive them to/from work, to/from extra curriculars, to/from friends houses, to/from the mall... It was MUCH more logical that I buy my children a car... and I didn't mind it.
Lol. Flash back to my little brother.
I did not get a car until I was 19 and finished HS. I got my DL when I was 18. My younger brother was 16 both for his DL and his first car.
Our parents bought each of us our first car. I was a bit miffed that they pulled the trigger on his car at 16 after I did not get mine until I was 19. He is 6yrs the younger.
My clarity came whem my dad asked.... "Do you want to schlep he and his buddies around?" Ummm. Nope, enjoy your car little bro. I was 22 at that time.
Our circumstances were very different. I was in boarding school during HS. I had no need for a car or a DL. I could run amok through the desert in 4x4s, dune buggies, motorcycles etc.... to get my drive on in the summer and winter breaks but there was no need for a car or a DL.
My little brother started at our local HS and then transferred to boarding school but already had his DL and a car by that time.