Let me see. You and DH have tried "DH would scream yell and ask nicely for her to stop.....Fast forward to now she is 12 and still doing this despite DH requests, angered lectures but nothing is changing!"

Ya know what you nor DH have never tried and that would get some immediate attention from this toxic spawn and likely some results.... A BELT TO BARE TOXIC KID ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There is a reason why the mantra of "If you want to scream and cry get over here and I will give you something to scream and cry about" works.

So, you and DH warm up your full forearm tennis stroke, go pick your favorite instrument of kid ass cheek warming (belt, paddle, wooden spoon, etc......" and light her ass up. If she growls, add a half dozen more swats for each vocalization. LATHER.... RINSE..... REPEAT!!!!!

As for the online crap.... disconnect her. When she walks in your door she is back to smoke signals and jungle drums if she wants to communicate with any of her online pervert boyfriends.

Own her ass and tolerate no bullshit. She has a good 2-3 more years of prime blistered bare cherry red ass cheek age to get the messages across and firmly implanted into her grey matter via a smoking ass.

You and DH need to step up and parent and quit tolerating this crap. The only solution is delivering to this toxic 12yo crotch dropping a life of abject misery until she extricates her head from her own ass.

IMHO of course.

Good luck.

Omg. :? At least he sees a problem but damn. This girl needs counseling NOW I see that this is where things are heading in my house too.

Oh hun I feel ya. My sd is 11 and very similar except the screaming for attn. I an also childless which makes a huge difference in this scenario. Having another female in the house and woman lurking forever is a huge pain in the ass. I think the dads should be slapped lol

been to that movie with two mini wifes.

thank you, katie lee, for your insights.

Be thankful your DH recognizes there is a problem. My boyfriend's daughter was a mini-wife and he loved every second of it, even though it WOULD eventually get to a point where it got on his nerves. At the point where it was getting on his nerves, he still would not discipline her because, in his words, "I just can't.". Ugh. Thankfully we lived separately. She was his issue to deal with. But...just words of experience here...it can get REALLY bad when they're teenagers. Your DH needs to nip this in the bud NOW.

all this mini wife stuff can be summed up in one word - guilt.

I haven't read the comments but I feel you. I have never said anything directly to the child but to the h. I have teased with him and talked baby talk mimicking her. It turned him off and told me to stop. I have noticed a change In His behavior. He has told her she is to old to sit In His lap and other things. We now point out our friends daughters or someone on Facebook being to close for daddy daughter. I have noticed biological daddy's and moms still together in how they treat their daughters. It looks disgusting. It looks like the mother and father are no longer in love so the husband has to be in love romantic with the daughter . My dad was a alcoholic and I was never close to him so I wouldn't know that bond between a father and daughter so I could be wrong. It seems like there has to be a cut off age, same as taking the breast out of the sons mouth haha , gross.

Has he tried denying her access to the Internet when she is over and taking her electronics away and actually spending time with her? Stop entertaining clients on her weekends to visit? Does he do any father/daughter stuff with her? Get her ass off the iPad and take her outside to do a little yard work or go for a hike. Maybe they could bond over a few chores. He needs to be parent and stop whining about the monster behavior he and his ex have indulged.

Has he straight up tried getting up, walking away from her, and ignoring her when she does this? It has to be consistent every time. Then when she backs off, he talks to her and explains why he's doing what he's doing. Then ask why she's doing what she's doing so she has to verbalize her reasoning for her behavior (which can be a difficult but necessary thing for a person who probably does this as some sort of defense mechanism but may cause her to back off a lot if every single time, she has to bare her vulnerabilities.) Then they have a talk about what she can do OTHER than what she's been doing to address those feelings (jealousy, insecurity, whatever) that's actually healthy and doesn't drive everyone up the walls.

He should be pulling his arm away from her, walking away and not looking at her the moment she begins with the whining, and he needs to stop giving in the moment she cries. He NEEDS TO PARENT which is the root of the issue. And if he can't, he should go to parenting classes/a therapist that can give him the skills needed to do so.

I put up with the mini wife many times (and still do at times) I acted my disengaging and just walking alongside them. I didn't join in conversations and DH eventually got annoyed with SD for getting in the way and stopping us talking about adult things...

It happens much less now, tolerating it mildly now. It just depends on my mood if I can be bothered to face it at times. I feel weaker days.