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11 year old SD lies all the time?!

givemesugar's picture

}:) Hi there
SD lies all the time and is starting to cause such a rift in my marriage. My husband seems to only ever see that she is just a baby because she calls him daddy non stop ,screams at the top of her lungs for her daddy 7-8 times in a minute coupled with the baby voice, I can look vindictive. However I am just wanting her to be honest. But her lack of honesty and lying is really making me feel like leaving him and telling her if she had any respect for her dad she would be more polite to him (in demanding attention etc) and not act like she is a baby and didn't do something.
Her lying had started around 5-6 years old with regular little girl stuff. But now it has progressed to (I didn't go on the laptop of your work and break it-whilst she was on their playing games) to now lying about having multiple social media accounts like 4 on one alone. Also listing that she is a singer and single?! What the hell do I do with a 11year old that is constantly defiant and also lying . she is allowed by BM to have these accounts and Facebook and YouTube vlogging which she also posts pictures and or videos of my house and or talks about me and her father . it really bugs me because we have had the conversation over and over again with her about self respect, respect for other people but she honestly just baby talks out of it. If she were my bio child I would not take such lies at all . she would not even be on social media at this age.
She has a super easy life at our house no chores, endless supply of healthy food and snacks , clean beautiful home, etc . I just wish she wouldn't lie and act like a baby but then be taking selfies and advertising her being single . the mother is crazy wreck hates her own daughter and tries to make our lives as miserable as she can . but her mothers shitty attitude towards food , health, driving, lifestyle, water usage ,is endlessly rubbing off on her as well. I don't feel like I can be comfortable in my own house not my husband as she constantly judges all we do or eat, or even driving speeds. I get really annoyed because she has no idea how lucky she has to have her dad who actually spends quality time with her and a step mother that actually cares which says a lot more than my husband or I have ever had. This last summer her mother did something very bad to cause trouble for us and SD was a large part of it. Step daughter has no idea how she has turned her dads life upside down for the worst. Because we don't tell her how her mother has manipulated her and ripped apart his relationship s with his own family.
Really sick of it. I always tried to be the best most inviting step mom but now I find myself enraged and dreading each visit. I feel like a prisoner in my own home.
She has no respect for anyone except her mom and face value respect for her dad. It really pisses me off. Her mother has poisoned her even BM own mother thinks she's nuts !? She has threatened everything under the sun. Has been violently abusive to all partners and has gotten so much money out of my husband and his family she didn't work after her birth for six years, even now she works part time in the summer and spring only from home!!! And in the meantime has poisoned already damaged relationships between my husbands mom and step dad to the point of no return. Honestly don't know what to do I hate being in the middle or saying anything to SD or BM but really ready to snap over her lack of good parenting and my husband's terrified attitude of her starting more court battles which all she has lost. Long rant but much needed as I can never vent my frustrations with anyone that can really understand the frustrating step parent scenario.

givemesugar's picture

Thank you Sally for this link to disengaging. Really helpful in taking the guilt and expectations off of my shoulders!

givemesugar's picture

Thank you sally I really appreciate your advice and help. I think that is what is worst case for us is her becoming pregnant. Also it the multiple instgrams accounts that her 11 year old friends are also doing .. I feel like her mother and aunts are early sexualizing her and for me its like if you are going to advertise you being single, who you find hot etc on these accounts don't be acting like a baby and calling for 'daddies' attention all the time. Does a young teen saying daddy all the time bother anyone else? I have called my dad by his first name since 16 as it is sort of normal transition where I was raised.. Saying daddy particularly in the form of how a toddler demands seems past her age somehow? It drives me nuts she is being a two sided person. Slutty on Fb,instaagram and YouTube and then like daddy's girl who can't do anything for herself even flush the toilet!?? Any advice on this is so appreciated. I just wish she would stop calling at the top her lungs for daddy any minute he is away from her . he gets mad at her as well about it but often she lies and says she wasn't calling him when he was outside meanwhile I counted 8 times in less than a minute! Not a emergency etc just wants constant gratification of her . don't know what to say but she does it all day and night and when he is downstairs doing laundry or outside etc she refuses to stop

furkidsforme's picture

I'm not reading where SD is actually your problem.

If your DH believes an 11 year old child over your word, that's a DH problem- NOT a SD problem.

If your DH doesn't believe the evidence you SHOW HIM of what SD is doing online, that's a DH problem.

If your DH doesn't care his 11 yo baby is on social media, that's his problem.

And as far as BM- its not your place to judge her or care about what food she eats or what her personal beliefs about "water usage" are. You sound a little hung up on the BM issue, let it go. She's not your ex-wife, she's not your Mom, so why do you care? Her house, her rules. Your house, your rules.

Simple.

Quit stressing yourself out about shizz that is none of your business.

robin333's picture

Control what you can. Her social media accounts are her parent's responsibility to monitor. But stand your ground about your home and privacy. No recording in your home period.

momjeans's picture

Good grief. I foresee something bad happening to that little girl as a result of her involvement and poor judgement. That's such a young age for social media coupled with that sort of behavior.

She needs to be bopped-up side the head. I agree -- disengage.

turner14's picture

Oh my goodness! Your post seems to be exactly what my SD is all about. Social media lying and the daddy daddy daddy stuff. Its gotten better byt i swear she can go an hr of talking without at least a couple lies thrown in there. Very sneaky and manipulative. My sd has posted dirty pics on instagram. Which she is banned by all adults involved in her life. With the exception of her paternal grandparents. Which my husband wont let her stay with them. Neither will her bm. I wish you the best of luck with this one. My husband used to see his daughter ad a 5 yr old angel but over the last yr he has realized shes not a baby and he demands respect and respects her. Two way street. I hope your husband realizes the same! He is allowing her to try to run your home...definite no no in my eyes. Your home you rules. She wants to be queen i would suggest her get a job save money and at the age of 18 she may rin her our home until then stand your ground. Show your husband statistics and articles. Thats what i did....good luck sugar! Lol

wendyrhines's picture

The step child is a problem in this situation, but her father is a bigger one. I think you really need to have the equivalent of a "Come to Jesus meeting" with him. If he isn't willing to stand up to this child, set rules, and discipline her, I suspect you are going to have a very difficult marriage. You need to decide if you are really up for all this trauma. He deserves to hear your side of it and attempt to fix it. It may be that some family counseling would help too. However, you are going to live in a difficult and dysfunctional setting if this problem cannot be resolved. She is getting older and he is eventually going to lose any ability to discipline her. It would be wise to deal with this situation while she is still young enough to be corrected. Best of luck to you.