Sorry 4 years on the loan.

Well the lease does matter, especially now at the beginning of ski season...there is nothing affordable to rent within 30 miles of the resort. I have been looking just to see what is out there and there is no way he can afford to live alone in the place we rent or any other until winter is over and rent goes down. It is a very seasonal place so winter rentals are expensive and this year with the world cup ski race coming they went even quicker. Also, I need the money from the deposit, I can't just throw my share which ia almost $1000 away which we would lose, it is a clause in the lease. The BF hasn't done anything that would render me leaving him without a place to live with a child, I don't hate them I am just unhappy so yes I do feel a sense of obligation to fulfill my end until at least March when the summer seasonal people he works with will start looking for a place, at least then he could find a roommate. I need money to move so I have to work for a while to save up, this will be an out of state move as I hate where I live too...winter is depressing and crappy for me and I will need to figure out where to go, I am down to 3 choices, get my licenses transferred so I can work and have enough to UHaul my belongings which will be about 1000-1500, I have been researching. The loan is probably the easy part but I refuse to walk away from it, maybe we can sell it or maybe he can just put it in his name but my credit is excellent so I want to make sure I do it the right way, I worked really hard to repair it.

This is simply a case of me being unhappy with this life, although I feel a lot of resentment and dislike him probably because of it I do not wish to hurt him any more than I have to. I simply have to stay for a while to save money and at least I work a ton in the winter so I won't be around that much anyway, thank goodness. I was just having a moment, I am sure many of you understand that, sometimes they are harder to handle than others that pass easily. I am done, in my heart of hearts I know it but I do have some responsibilities to handle first. Maybe it is fear and probably some self loathing, low self esteem and avoidance...all contribute to drinking way too much wine and feeling sorry for myself. Thanks for reading, and the input.