Chores
I am sick of doing everything alone. DH cooks but that is about it, and with it being summer with less structure he has slacked off on picking up and doing laundry. I called him out on this when Saturday when I said something about laundry and his response was "We had no laundry detergent and you just took some down there" and I pointed out we had enough for one more load and I actually had clothes in the washer that needed to be swapped over.
Since feeling worn down about it I have gotten on SS a little more about putting his plate in the sink, throwing way trash, picking up toys, and even last night made him help me put up clothes all of which I have met with dirty looks - and I've done most of it without DH around, though when DH has around he has just kept his mouth shut.
DH has also agreed he will start helping out more and he got mind warped by it being summer and trying to do fun things.
SS5 does nothing at BM's she doesn't even really keep a clean house according to SS "My mom does laundry and just piles it in her room" and "My mommas house is a little cleaner now that she has a bf" (though I doubt it will last long as I've seen how it was when her and DH were together as SMIL took pictures one day when she tried to help BM clean, and have seen from the opened door when dropping off SS.
I am just wondering on ideas as to how to start getting SS5 to start picking up, and helping out without completely looking like a bitch and constantly getting dirty looks. DH is fairly supportive of anything I ask for as he knows I do more than most Smoms he knows would do.
I have a couple weeks to come up with ideas before DH comes home from work - and just FYI we have SS a week at a time.
When I was his age I was
When I was his age I was doing dishes, folding clothes all of that so I've always been used to a clean house - even when DH is gone about the only difference is I may put my work pants in a tad bit of a different place as I can just take them off when I get home but I keep it spic and span.
It wasn't to much of a problem until we moved, and moving right at beginning of summer, and then all of the neediness/issues that have occurred I feel like made everything slip. Before he would have to help a little - as sometimes BIL9 would be there and so he would assist BIL9 in task, but now that we do not another child in the house I feel like I am rebuilding.
I know with the clothes he made a comment last night that I put DH's in which I responded "That is because DH and I share a dresser". Mind you as he was taking his upstairs I was taking towels and you mentioned I did help him open the drawer since his arms were full and told him to put socks in one, shirts in one etc.
I honestly don't care about his room except for right before DH's leaves I can close the door, and I wash all sheets while they are gone so I make the bed that one time and like I said rest of the time I close the door as it is mainly cars on the floor food and drinks besides water are not allowed upstairs.
As for DH like I said he cooks and so it is expected for me to do the dishes - which eventually as SS can reach the sink I would like to get him to help with. DH always puts clothes in dirty clothes as we shower together, and whoever folds is set to put up but like I said that hasn't happened lately. DH is good about asking toys to be put up but it ends up just being shoved in the corner as DH will ask then go outside to pick up his tools - and yes part of his is a mess but he has his own area to work on atvs.
I have a feeling DH wouldn't have a issue with him doing more as he knows I am getting worn down and last night during our conversation said thank you several times for all the slack I have picked up this summer. I just don't want to approach it with SS where I am a completely evil person.
He is 5, and I would never do
He is 5, and I would never do it to hurt him.
He has made comments that he likes that our house is cleaner than BM's - I don't bring up BM ever this is my house not hers so I try to not even thing about her.
I just am sick of cleaning up for a child just because he is spoiled at BMs.
hmmm, brainstorming here
hmmm, brainstorming here but:
can you designate a plate JUST for him? Example; you have dinner, you clear the table and he doesnt put his dish in the sink/dishwasher. Leave it there and the next night, dont put anything down for him. He doesn't eat unless its from a clean plate so he'll have to wash his own plate/fork/cup, etc if he wants to have dinner? Just an idea.
There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that a 5 year old can learn how to do his own laundry. ESPECIALLY with the single-pac wash tabs they have now. Put in one wash tab, press one button, switch it, put in one dryer sheet, press one button. Its really simple to do, no reason this kid cant learn.
Taking the garbage out is something a kid can do too. Make a chore chart, give him stickers, quarters, candies, "dollars" he can use towards a movie, a new bike, video game, app for his tablet, whatever.
The MOMENT i moved in with DH; ss8 (at the time) learned how to do laundry. After a few mornings of clothes that were not clean because he did not do wash; he learned quickly that it was going to be his responibility alone. Now (granted its 3 years later) he does it 100% without being prompted. Sheets/blankets/towels are still a struggle but nobody's perfect I guess.
He has a plate he normally
He has a plate he normally uses so I like that idea. It would just be then getting DH to not pick it up after SS goes to bed.
I honestly don't expect him to do laundry I didn't do it on my own until a little late 9/10 but I want him to be responsible to put up his clothes neatly, and have been through it with DH as I cannot reach where he hangs his clothes if they aren't put up look downstairs not my problem like I said I do put up DH's stuff in the dresser but I guess I need to get the same attitude with SS.
He gets a lot of stuff because he generally is a good kid, and so DH has no issue buying new trucks or whatever but I could start using it for the bigger car models he wants like the 1/25 versions.
I know I keep saying this,
I know I keep saying this, but a housekeeper and nanny are the two things that saved my marriage!
It might not be as expensive as you think. For me, it's a necessity to have both. I cut back on some things in order to afford it. For instance, we only eat out once a month. I go to the local beauty school for my mani/pedis. I don't pay for polish changes, I buy the polish and paint my own nails. I cut way back on the amount of beauty products I have. I was a beauty product junkie. I seriously had every beauty product known to man! LOL!
DH and DD3 do not clean at all. It's sad, but SS6 is really the only one who cleans up after himself. I have to remind him to make his bed, clean his plate, and clean his room, but he will do it. So I am very lucky with that.
Have you thought about some type of reward for SS if he cleans up after himself? I tell the kids that if they behave they can choose two items from the dollar store. They look forward to it. And it doesn't cost me an arm and a leg.
I don't really want a
I don't really want a housekeeper I have always been one to want to clean the house myself, and make it a family effort even when we had one when I was a kid we needed to "pre"clean according to my mom just to keep us in the habit.
I really don't get that fancy stuff, I buy most my make up on sale, and only really need a massage every 3-4months because of my hip (permanently out of place) and my shoulder. We really are a modest family.
I am still trying to think of a possible incentive honestly I didn't even think about that.
Two months ago, SS8 ASKED to
Two months ago, SS8 ASKED to do chores. Now he wants to live with Mommy cuz we're "slave drivers" and he "can't handle the pressure." Uh huh.
I don't give a crap if it is
I don't give a crap if it is to much or not I plan to ease him into doing more and more as he gets older.
The iRewardChart app on the
The iRewardChart app on the iPad is very good for motivation. You can set up any tasks,they earn stars which make an appealing tinging noise when they are awarded, and you can set up your choice of rewards - extra programme, swimming, new book etc for which they save stars and trade them in. It is working well for my 4 and 6 year olds.
He's 5! Ah, that's easy!
He's 5! Ah, that's easy! make everything into a game! My steps were 5, 3 and 2 when I got them. They are now 21, 19, and (almost) 18. We had bingo charts that I made using an online site (just google bingo chart). I filled in boxes with items we needed to do around the house, and "shuffled" the chores to make three different cards. I posted those on the fridge. In an old jar were slips of paper and the kids would pick two a day to finish their chores. they helped come up with the prizes- easy stuff like a visit to the library, a walk to the park... We also had a family rule about dishes and the kitchen. Since Daddy cooked, the kids and mom Last-Wife would clean up. IT roated every night who put dishes int he dishwasher, who swept, who washed the table, etc. Last-Wife supervised and when the dishwasher was done at bedtime, she would put everything away while daddy put the kids to bed.
At the start of 5th grade, each skid began doing their own laundry, and have done so all these years now. My BS is now 12 and has always had the same rules. Since I worked so hard to get the kids trained, they know what to do now. It was a joy to visit Princess 21 apartment a few weeks back to see her keeping her own place clean- even cleaner than she ever would have done at home!
Thank you everyone for the
Thank you everyone for the advice and input. I truly believe at a young age a child should start learning the responsibility of a clean house, and like I said there was some routine but when we moved it got shot.
I got to completely bring it up with DH last night including some of the comments SS had made to me that I did not include in the original post because I didn't want harsh comments but simply ideas.
One of the things SS said to me over the weekend was something got brought up about clothes and I think maybe I was telling SS to put something in the laundry room - well SS response something about how the clothes get done, I then I asked him how they got done his response "You take them to get them done" mind you this after he had made a comment about me laying on the couch by the time DH and him get home - mind you I drive 150 miles roundtrip a day for work and am OUT of the house by 5am.
DH's response to me laying on the couch is the next time he makes a comment he want me to wake SS up for school when I get out of bed, or possibly one weekend morning when I have things to do and if it was a school day he would make sure other than what we can't control if they have naptime he would help ensure SS is on the move to see that I have the right to be laying on the couch by 7pm - especially when I come home and start laundry and may lay down but get up to get it completed before bed.
As for his response to laundry when he gets home he doesn't want me to do SS's first load of laundry which will be fun because we are going out of town that first weekend so there will be plenty and we should let SS5 do his own load - he said he would get him a stool to get it out of the washer and into the drier, let him fold it put it up everything. And then ask him if he thinks that we just give it to someone to do or if it jus magically appears cleaned in his room.
We also discussed him starting to do more chores, and DH apologized for his lack of help and told me not to be scared to call him out (he has severere ADHD which can lead to outburst and so especially with stuff being crazy lately I have just done it to avoid conflict) if I feel like I am doing more than I can handle especially on workday.
He said that after the first making SS do laundry he would like for us to start doing it again until SS gets a little older, and it can be my choice to fold or if I want SS to fold (probably going to depend on my mood) and that he would help SS hang up his clothes and that we will expect SS to put up his own clothes because if they are left in a public area I can put them right back in the laundry room and SS can hunt for his clothes. I also get to find a designated area in the living room for a few toys for SS since he will frequently play in there while we are in there, and if they aren't picked up they can be picked up by me and put somewhere for a certain amount of time. Also just expecting SS to pick up his own trash, empty his plate and at least put in the sink and to within the next little while get him to start helping with dishes, he can help pick up the tools in the carport that him and DH get out.
I know that some reward must be offered and so part of me is thinking like the start system, and maybe at the end of the week tying it to like a 5/7 (depending on how many days we have stuff) dollar monetary value so that he can go pick out his own toy, or if he wants his dad to take him fast food for lunch (it isn't allowed in our house, but I feel like with the start system that maybe if he slacks on the chore or decides to disregard it which at first I would slightly remind him until it becomes a routine but that way a star can be earned or if he decides not to do it can possibly be taken away.
He knows we like to have a
He knows we like to have a clean home it has always been that way. Before we went to BM's I told him when he got back he would be helping out more.
And I don't want to do a complete reward system but maybe a slight variation of an allowance, as he already get paid by DH and DH's buddy for helping work on some of the ATVs, that DH brings in to fix - so in a way I feel like I'm somewhat obligated but don't want to directly associate one chore = one dollar.
I personally started getting an allowance at a very young age, and I felt like it gave me some freedom as we poor. I was thinking maybe adding a little extra to what DH gives him for helping (and yes he actually does help, he will do bolts, test spark, etc)
I think this weekend I will look into pros and cons on the right and wrong way to do stuff as I feel like somethings should have slight reward/incentive but others like putting up clothes should be a given that it needs to be done.
DH works offshore 21 days at work/21 days at home and left this morning so I have a little bit of time to figure out how I want to do this and propose it to DH rather than trying to figure it out with SS in the house.