Curious...where would you go from here
Hi all!
My SS15 left last year Jan. 2016 to live with his BM, for reasons we are still unsure, his excuse was we were boring and SS didn't get to do the things he could at BM's (of course). Slowly through the year SS started withdrawing more and more, questions asked went unanswered, excuses upon excuses were always made, court ordered visitations didn't happen, again always an excuse as to why SS couldn't stay. When asked to get together, he always has plans. So BM sends letters requesting 1/2 of bills and wants to know if DH is going to pay 1/2 for a car. SS has balls to see us at a restaurant and walk right by without saying hello.
Long story short. DH is ready to just relinquish custody to BM, he is hurt and continues to try only to receive nothing in return. What is your advice, the SS obviously has removed himself from his father again for no reason we can imagine (I'm pretty sure BM is an angel in all this) but my question is what do you do? Keep fighting and get hurt or let him go and let him figure it out. My heart hurts for my DH, but when is enough enough in this case.
Did I mention SS lives 7 houses down from us and last time I've seen him was during Christmas?
Your SS's BM lives 7 houses
Your SS's BM lives 7 houses down from you. Good Lord.
I know right
I know right
Has your husband tried to sit
Has your husband tried to sit him down and talk to him? Maybe some counseling might help.
several times, it got
several times, it got repetitive because it was always him initiating and getting nowhere. Counseling is possible, it has been thought of.
Daddy needs to grow some
Daddy needs to grow some balls, roll up the CO, and go to town on the SS's and the BM's head and shoulders with it until they gain clarity (Figuratively of course). When SS does not show up for CO'd visitation dad needs to grab a handful of man sack and file a contempt motion against BM for interfering with his time with is son each and every time. Daddy needs to walk the seven doors down and dram that kid home by the ear. Any time that kid fails to show.... BM gets nailed with a contempt motion.
Sure, he can give up his rights but if he does BM will still nail him for CS. I for one would take control rather than being the sacrificial victim to the BM/SS incestuous bullshit.
Man up DH!!!!
And hell no to the car. Ill behaved little shits don't get cars.
We talked to the attorney
We talked to the attorney about this basically we could call her down to court every time that is true and she surely could make him pay CS, she hasn't yet. Attorney says don't rock the boat, work on relationship. That was 6 months ago and DH tried but nothing here we are. I like the contempt idea, guess we were just trying to good lord yep i'm gonna say "tip toe" around hurt feelings.
Oh yah there is no way in
Oh yah there is no way in heck no that is gonna happen, we just laughed. We were like seriously you've got to be kidding me, didn't do it for our other two, certainly not gonna do it for him regardless, BM has paid for her other children so we were expecting this.
Pay half for a car for an
Pay half for a car for an ungrateful kid that wants nothing to do with him? Sure. I'd rather burn that money.
AMEN!
AMEN!
this is good sound advice,
this is good sound advice, thank you and I agree. I guess we were looking at it more like "if this is what you want, here you go" kinda a throw back in the SS face, maybe he would think twice how he is treating his father, but the lines are open, they are just one sided, and frustrating. I can't even imagine what he is going through. But your right, he is letting him walk..... all over him.
listen to the attorney. if
listen to the attorney. if your dh takes this to court any judge is going to say at 15 yr old is old enough to decide if he wants to see his father or not. over a year has passed and the precedent is set.
it's a hard, bitter pill for your dh to swallow, but relationships work both ways and you can't force someone into one if they totally refuse. he's going to have to accept this, and trust that the way he raised ss will come through and one day he'll seek out his father.
ETA - however i DO think your dh needs to still try, especially things like a random text to tell him he loves him and is thinking about him, maybe an invite to lunch or something. he needs to keep the pathway open.
yes, she said same thing,
yes, she said same thing, keep the lines open, find some connection, fear the mother is and has been implanting things in his brain, but we can only remain hopeful. He does invite to do things but there is always an excuse. It's just a battle that he has to decide if he wants to keep at it, truthfully.
Your DH can't just relinquish
Your DH can't just relinquish his rights as a parent. There probably should be some amount of CS paid to the mother (not sure about where you are and what the calculators would come up with).
I wouldn't pay for a car, especially if it's not done for the other kids.
I think he should pay support and mom can use that money towards whatever she feels is needed.
Dad needs to keep trying to have communications with his son. You don't have to be part of it, but he is still his father. I don't know why he doesn't just go 7 doors down and take him to MCD's or something occasionally.
Yes ,I agree, but that is a
Yes ,I agree, but that is a battle that he needs to work out with the BM. As i'm sure most of you are all aware of HCBM, she is one of those and it's been a steady 8 year battle and will continue to be one, so relinquishing might have been a bad choice of words on my part and I guess this is why we post, so that the things we want to do are advised on so we snap back to reality and play it smart.
Mom hasn't asked for CS EVER, are you suggesting we just pay CS?