Right, where do I start? I am writing you this letter as I am no longer able to concentrate on anything in my life apart from all these problems between me and you. I don’t know where it all started to go wrong for you but for me there have been a number of things over this last year and a half that have lead us to split up. I am going to put them in a list to make it easier to understand and so I don’t miss anything.

Your ex-wife

I honestly believe you are still not completely over what happened to you 2 years ago. I feel that you have not accepted any part in the break-up of your marriage and have played the victim even though I think you know your behaviour contributed towards the failing of your marriage. Whilst she was a cheating whore, I still believe that no-one leaves a happy marriage. You have mentioned to me on a number of occasions of things that you could have done better and how you didn’t listen to the things you were being told that could have saved your marriage if you had listened. I now feel that you are doing exactly the same to me. You have completely shut down to the point where you will not communicate with me and therefore our relationship is now ruined. If we could have talked about the problems we could have made things work. You need to learn that ignoring problems DO NOT make them go away. It seems to me that you have not learnt your lesson from losing your family and will continue to lose the people you love if you continue to ignore what is being said to you.
As you know I have had some massive issues with how you have in the past put your wife first over me as to keep her happy and in the process make me feel unloved, paranoid and insecure. One of my biggest problems in our relationship has been the fact that I have never been a priority to you. I think back in the early days you did make me feel special but once you had me you stopped trying. Another problem that never got resolved was you letting your ex-wife verbally abuse me and never once stopping her and defended me. This would normally be a natural instinct for most people to protect the person they love. Unfortunately you weren’t able to do that for me which again shows where I am on your priority list.

The Girls

I can remember back in the days where the kids adored me and we were all a happy family, now that has disappeared to and I am left as the outsider where I am stood alone and you stand with the girls. This divide has probably been one of the worst things that could have happened to us. How can you expect someone to clean, wash, teach, feed, entertain children that you have taken to your side and left me alone. I feel that you have always under estimated how hard it was for me to take on 3 step children. You expect me to be earth mother but do not show me any respect in front of them. How will they ever respect me when you don’t show me respect in front of them. What you don’t realise is that you are actually teaching them that its ok for their future boyfriends/husbands to shout and abuse them. Is that what you want???

I could always handle the kids and never made you choose between them or me and its was quite easy whilst you were being loving and kind to me. As soon as you changed it became harder to do the things you wanted me to. In my mind I thought why should I do all this for these people who don’t actually care about me and how this makes me feel. I still cant believe you think its acceptable to shout at me when I ask them to clean their teeth. Do you think good parents let kids not clean their teeth because they want to be fun weekend dad? No, you have a responsibility and so did I to make sure they are clean and hygienic. They need some responsibility and are not babies anymore and do need to do things for themselves else how will they ever learn? I do not have any problem with teaching people right from wrong and in the end will only benefit them. By doing these things to me only made me want to not be involved in them even more. I would be to scared to say anything to them in case you shout at me. I only wish you knew how your family feel about talking to you about the girls. They are also too scared to say anything to you for fear of how you may react.

I understand how the last few years have affected you and how losing your children and wife has destroyed you but you need to learn from your mistakes before its too late.

In my mind I feel that you want to be just like your dad and are following his footsteps and you want your partner to be just like your mum and do literally everything for everyone without complaint. We are all individuals and that will never happen, no two people are the same. You could have never expected me to just move from my old life and become a step mum of 3 without some sort of problems. I have tried my best to be a part of your family and love everyone and do my best for them but sometimes you have made it too hard for me. You expect me to be a completely different person to who I am. You cannot meet someone and love them for who they are and then try to change them. If you can’t change them you try to bully and weaken them until they change. That is not how it works.

I ultimately feel that you have tried to get me to be like your ex-wife in the old days who used to cook/clean/not go out and generally look after you 24/7 whilst you do what you like and lets face it that was never going to happen. I am not that kind of person. However when you were at your weakest when she left you, it was then that you needed my strength and confidence to get you through a hard time but now your better, you don’t like me being me.

Since this has all happened a lot of people have said to me what a shame it is as they felt we were so good together. I agree up to a point but I think the turning point for me was just before my operation. Do you have any idea what it is like to lose your ovary and then the person you love turns around and says they don’t want to give you children. Even though you wanted me to be a complete and loving step parent to your three girls. So much has happened that there is no going back from. You never let me make the house feel like home. I don’t think you would have ever wanted to marry me and worst of all I no longer feel special and loved. That is all I have ever wanted.

I feel that we came into each other’s life for a reason and I appreciate everything you did for me when I lost my job and needed you. I am also proud of myself for taking on so much and handling it to the best of my ability.

I know the next few weeks are going to be hard and i do wish you the best for the future and I really hope you can learn from this.