A little bit of background. SS5 has been in my life since he was a baby. BM left him and DH when SS was 2 and was not a part of his life again until I came into the picture. Since then, our lives have been turned upside down with so much of her drama. She is in her thirties but hasn't the slightest clue. She lives with her mom, has two babies by different daddies, and is now separated from her convicted felon husband. She has to be supervised to see EITHER of her children. Though my husband currently has sole custody, it is only temporary until the judge makes a final ruling after reviewing her case in a few months (giving her time to get herself straight).

SS5 is/was my world. I've raised him, like I mentioned before, since he was a baby. We've pretty much been our own little family with BM only having visitation 1st and 3rd wkds of the month. I have always been the one to cut his hair, fingernails, take him to appointments and school, go to ALL of his school activities, make cupcakes for his class, anything you could possibly imagine I did it. This baby has called me mama on his own since his dad and I got married. We encouraged him NOT to, even made him call me a nickname, but he would never stick to it. His daddy told him one time "son, that's Mama ***" and his reply was "NO daddy! That's MAMA!"

I recently had a baby and since then I've come to understand the true bond between birth mother and child, though I will never understand how a mother could abandon her child for more than a year to go sow wild oats, get knocked up again, party, and drug herself and NEVER bother to be a part of her child's life unless her own mother forces her to. So even after having my baby I've done my damndest to be the best mom to both my son and SS.

We started going through a custody battle over a year ago and since then things have been a bit of hell on earth. BM trash talks me to the kid, constantly shows him pictures of her and DH when they were married, talks about things they did as a family, etc. just so he will come home and tell me about it. He doesn't remember them being together so this is very confusing for him. And he always starts his ramblings about them by saying "my mama told me..." Ironically, he and his mother don't have a very close relationship. He NEVER talks about her other than to come home and tell me what she said about me while he was gone. But he LOVES his grandmother (BM's mom). Since BM started becoming "active" in his life again her mother raised him when it was her time for visitation. HER mom has always been the one to spend time with him. And he talks about her CONSTANTLY.

At first this wasn't a problem. But since the custody battle, BM and her mom have been absolute DUMBASS, BITCHASS, LYING, DECEITFUL MORONS! And I say this in the NICEST way possible! I've never met two people more ditzy, and just...LOST in my LIFE! And yet they STILL find a way to be assholes about EVERYTHING. We have tried so frickin hard to extend a hand to them but EVERY time we do it bites us in the ass and we wind up inconveniencing ourselves because the always back out of the agreements they make with us at the last minute...just to put us in a bad position. And knowing how sorry and trashy these people are, it makes me sick every time SS utters a word about them. He rarely used to talk about them but now that's ALL he talks about.

I am at my breaking point with everything. I was so depressed and anxious my entire pregnancy and post-partum, and now that things are somewhat normal again they have done everything they possibly could to create havoc in our lives and make things miserable for us. My husband and I have never been so far apart and it has taken a tremendous toll on our marriage. I loved my SS more than words could ever say, but lately I've been so frustrated and sick at the whole situation that EVERY SINGLE THING he does pisses me off and/or irritates me. Every time he goes for visitation I REJOICE! And I dread him coming home because I know I will fight with DH the whole time he's here. DH has made the comment several times that he should have just given him up bc it has done nothing but tear our family down. Part of me wishes the same because I feel even SS would be better off bc he wouldn't be torn between two families that are constantly at odds with one another. But then he would be raised by a drug head that doesn't give a shit about him and a controlling grandmother who would mold him into the same person she molded her daughter into.

I don't know. Really just wanted to vent but any comments or advice that is POSITIVE would be very much welcomed and appreciated.