Ok, so I've posted before about how my DH likes to go off and do his stuff without his family and how I've always felt like I'm the babysitter for his son, we also have a DD 5 months. Well, yesterday everything came to a head. I had tried to disengage from his son because he doesn't like to listen to me, and goes to his dad because he knows that he will 95% of the time give in to what he wants.

So anyway, DH calls me up at work and starts chewing me out about how I treat his son, and how his son doesn't even want to be at the house with us anymore, and on and on and on!! He say's he's noticed how I don't interact with his son anymore and that my priority is the baby, and that I'm not the same with him either. So I told him, I know I'm different, but if I'm being disrespected and it's allowed, then how am I supposed to act. You want me to bend over backwards for a kid that doesn't want to listen to me, has no respect when I try to set rules, or even enforce them, and that has dad there making excuses for his behavior! Instead of telling his son he needs to listen, he tells me, oh, he doesn't listen to anyone...so rather than correct the problem, let me just make an excuse for it, thus allowing it to happen! So, like I've said in other posts, the kid is a generally good kid, with some problems here and there (been sent to principals office 4 times since starting kindergarden - remember he's only 6). But neither bio-parent is willing to set any firm consequences for the behavior. And about me making my DD a priority, yes, I'm going to do that, I'm the one that gets up at night with her, I'm the one that buys her everything she needs, so yes, I will do everything I can to ensure she is my priority!!

So back to the chewing me out....(I've gone outside by this point). So then when I mentioned to DH that I'm tired of being taken advantage of, and being made to feel like the babysitter, and the maid, and to have to sit and have him tell me about all the trips he's taking this summer ALONE to go watch this band, or go see this concert, I told him it's BS! I said this is not the marriage I signed up for, to have a husband that would rather think about things that HE wants to do, instead of things we could do as a family! I said when I got married and decided to have my daughter, I knew what I was getting into, and what I was giving up (going out whenever I wanted, etc), but that he still seems to think that's the life he can live. He said, I've done that my whole like, even when I had SS. I said, yeah, but the difference is that you had him part-time and now you have your DD all the time, she doesn't go off to her moms house for X amount of days!! I told him if he wasn't willing to give that up, he shouldn't have had another child!!!

So then we get back to his son and how I'm the horrible stepmom!! Apparentely his son told his niece that I am mean to him!! Well duh!! I make rules and don't let him get away with everything...I make him clean his room and put his stuff away, and have at times taken things away when he doesn't listen to me!! Funny thing is that DH ex-girlfriend was also mean to his son, probably cause she enforced rules too, and SS never wanted to be over there, and never was, DH left him with his BM or with grandma all the time. But I said, how horrible I am, that 90% of the new clothing in his closet is from me....not his own dad or mom!! But he just sees how I'm so mean to his son now!! I don't tell his son anything anymore, I just don't sit there and give him all my attention, I let him and his dad have that relationship!! But I've tried, and am trying to at least get back to having a friendship with his son! I won't ever love him like I do my daughter, and I shouldn't be expected to!! He has his mother who loves him that way!! But yet, I'm still expected to be the mom figure.....I even got told how horrible I am cause I don't go to his baseball games....well, neither does his BM, but apparently that's ok....

Anyway, so here is the part I'm seeking advice on. I told my husband that I am trying to work on things, but it's not going to be any over night thing, it's going to happen in baby steps, but that's not good enough for him, he wants it to happen yesterday and it can't!! I even tried this weekend to be better with his son, and it's little things that I would wish he'd notice, but he doesn't!! It's all overwhelming for me at time, and he just doesn't get it. He thinks I should just be able to snap my fingers and presto - life is perfect. It's not that easy for me, it's all been an adjustment, heck, having a baby alone is an adjustement and add to that post-partum depression and it's a hard battle!!! So then he tells me that his son doesn't want to come to the house anymore and doesn't want to be around me, so I said basically you've left me no choice but to leave....you want the change instantly, and am saying how he doesn't want to be around me, so what am I to do - give him and do exactly what you want, but get nothing in return or leave!!! So I left!! Last night I stayed at my moms house, and am planning on staying there again.... I guess I'm just looking to see if this is anything that anyone thinks can be worked out, or it too far gone and I should take my DD and go??