DH’s conversations can be so boring…skids, this, skids that….YAWN
Just for fun as it is a public holiday in the UK today 
I used to think my SO was smart. Then there was the realisation of how his ‘parenting’ (I use that term very, very lightly) and his ostrich syndrome has created this mess…so then to me he wasn’t so smart. But since trying to disengage, maybe I’m wrong and he is smart after all….because no matter what the conversation, what we are doing he is very ‘creative’ at turning the conversation/activity to the skids (OSD 20 and a complete b*tch to me and YSD 17 and OK).
Although I have to say this is not just since my disengagement attempt. Here are just a few examples and would love to hear from those of you with ‘creative’ SO’s/DH’s stories.
EVERY vacation, “oh OST and YSD would love to come here, why don’t we see how much it will cost. We can come for 2 weeks, spend time here, they can bring friends, blah, blah, blah.” This after already making it crystal clear, I would NEVER go on vacation with OSD aka “The Drama Queen”. He’s quite welcome to take her, but I know that he probably couldn’t stand her for any period of time either….LOL!
I buy myself a brand of blusher/rouge…just have it on the counter…”Oh OSD doesn’t rate that brand anymore….blah, blah, blah.” Ummmm I didn’t even ask for yours/her opinions and more to the point…I don’t give a sh*t! She knows I like it which is more than likely the reason she doesn’t…LMAO.
I say, “I think I want to tone up a bit before vacation”…oh yes did you notice that OSD has put on a bit of weight. To myself “Nope…b/c (as above) I don’t give a sh*t”.
In a restaurant…actually having ordered….he says ..”OSD is probably stuck at home on her own right now…she would enjoy this place”…and proceeds to text her and invite her along…WTF…luckily she was out….pheewwww
On vacation where he had taken ODS, YSD and wife #2…when we were here…blah, blah, blah…or yes we came to this supermarket, I took skids to this restaurant…they slept in that room, blah, blah, blah. Me...yawn, yawn, yawn (once he even made me speak to YSD on his cell phone whilst on the beach enjoying a cocktail together...he tried 3 times but there was a bad signal...so I think I managed hello...LOL).
We order take out…”Oh I will just order OSD xyz in case she is hungry”….whatever.
I order a book for my Kindle…”Oh yes…OSD loves to read just like me”...like I'm bothered.
It drives me mad, seriously…get a life and stop living in the past!!!! I know we all like to reminisce but this is so sad it’s funny!!!
Hahaha... I can so so relate
Hahaha... I can so so relate to this. My SO is ALWAYS rambling on about his kids. At first I thought it was a nice quality (and in reality if I hadn't been so stepped on for such a long time) I guess it is. Anywho, he is always diverting conversation back to his kids. I have 4 of my own bios so when I get the opportunity for a break or a trip away the LAST thing I wanna do is sit around and talk about the kids. This is our time. We are both full time parents and like any job that you do full time you need a BREAK. I was also laughing at the no vacation with the drama queen! Last time we went on a "Family" camping trip SD16 at the time, faked being ill - the whole weekend, she screamed and cried in her tent, pretended to vomit, started spitting up on the grass and saying "oh Daddy look there's blood in it" - there wasn't it was just spit. All because she didn't want to come camping. I vowed that I would NEVER go camping with her again - and to this day I have not. If she goes well honey I'm just as happy to stay home with my bios grab a great book, drink wine, eat chocolate, catch up with my girl friends and hang out doing mummy stuff with MY kids that actually appreciate me. As for the constant drivelling about his kids, I just say to SO now, "we are having a break/holiday, could we possibly talk about something other than the fact your kids walk on water" well maybe not quite those words but words to that affect! I secretly wish sometimes that they wore concrete boots
OH my GOOOOODNESSS I don't
OH my GOOOOODNESSS I don't know how you manage! I am annoyed and I'm sure this is only a bit of it! Ahh! SHUT UP!!!! <--- would be my response!
I just went to one of my dearest friend's weddings. Her story is that her parents had her and then split. Then her dad got with a woman who has two daughters and then they had another daughter together. My friend always told me about feeling left out from all the family stuff with her dad's side of the family. I felt bad for her, but ohhhh geez. At the wedding, her dad (who she didn't have walk her down the isle, her mom did) gets up to make a toast. He starts off by saying how excited he is to have a new son-in-law and congrats to my friend and then he just went OFFFFF about his gorgeous daughters, and their husbands, and their lives, and on and on and on. Umm, did you forget this was a toast for my friend at HER wedding???! I got *exactly* what my friend was talking about. What an idiot. And a bit creepy. But I realized he's probably just really proud of his daughters. Whatever.
Have you ever said anything to him? Not rudely, but maybe bring it to his awareness that he is CONSTANTLY talking about his daughters and it's a bit overwhelming? Like obsessive!? Awareness is the first step!
Hi Ashlala, Yep, I was
Hi Ashlala,
Yep, I was exactly the same as you, "I thought it was a nice quality" but I struggle to think so anymore given his relentlessness about the 'subject'.
I don't have any of my own kids however, I still think a break/vacation is just that...a break from run of the mill, day to day stuff. Of course they are bound to come up at some point but OSD and SO will call and text whilst we are on vacation and at all times of the day and night (1am in the morning whilst in the Far Esat) and talk about cr*p...once she called to ask where the flower vases were...she knows where the flower vases are kept!!!! So then it just feels like it is even more constant....arggghhhh. LOL.
I pretty much stated the no vactaion with "The Drama Queen" from the start b/c well she is a drama queen ...lol.
The story of your camping break sounds familiar (I bet you needed a vat of wine after that!!!), in as much as there is ALWAYS something wrong with OSD. It is her way of getting attention if there is not some other drama going on...ie a broken finger nail. I read that this is actually a trait of narcissists and I truly beleive she has this personality trait. So when he constanlty talks about OSD walking on water I finD the whole thing boring, draining etc.
I am just like you, I'd rather stay at home that endure the drama...I may not have kids but I have plenty to keep me occupied...mainly wine...LOL
.
If I say anything like that, it is red flag time....what a t*it....so now I am concentrating on the just subtly changing the subject.
I too am with you on the concrete boots!
It wouldn't matter if you had
It wouldn't matter if you had your own kids, his kids still aren't yours! Blending families is hard hard work, surely the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I love love love my kids. They are my reason for gracing this earth. I shit you not however, I love a break. Sometimes it might be once a month, sometimes once a week, it depends what I can get!! I am still a woman in my own right, my children don't define who I am and I love nothing more than an escape to be ME!! SO is such a guilty dad, the SD I refer to above is not even his bio, she is the daughter of another ex of his that had no Dad in her life ever so he filled the role. Don't get me wrong I feel no differently towards her than his bio kids, they are all NOT mine!! Having said that, his three bio's are great kiddos, they are all quirky, intelligent and relatively easy to get along with, this girl is something else!! The constant chatter though about all four I find on my time out really intrusive and BORING BORING BORING. I drink more wine now than I ever have in my life, I think it makes me a nicer person!
Having said that, I will step back from him and his situation (I rented my own house 6 months ago as his obsession with his kids was killing me)I am a MUCH happier woman now, I can go to his place when I want, when it gets too much I leave and go to mine. My kids are happy with this also, they think he can be a bit of a freak when it comes to his kids, they can do NO wrong, yet mine if they put a foot out of line are jumped on. Wine, chocolate, book, homework, twister even, my bios and I are comfy in who we are, if they stuff up well bare the consequences, SO is a train wreck as a parent -I cannot be bothered changing his world. I love him but his kids are his, they have mothers and I aint it!! I am counting down the next few years until it is just us - then the international travel shall begin (minus international roam on the phone) and hopefully the skids will be able to hassle their mothers.....
Hi MommaSaSa, I get through
Hi MommaSaSa,
I get through it with wine mainly...LOL!!! And thanks for sharing/feeling the 'annoyance'.
Wow, your poor friend and at her own wedding, that is really sad
. Beggers belief doesn't it?!?! I hope she had a great day that aside.
Yes, sometimes we have to see things ourselves, not bc we don't believe the person telling us but bc it is so unbelievable!!! It was only when OSD had a crying tantrum in front of my good friens that had come over to dinner(the 1 and only time I have had my friends come over) that my friend properly 'got it'. I was actually embarrased for OSD, my SO and myself.
Yes, I actually find it a bit creepy too. I do get the being proud thing, but then there is being proud and being obsessive as you say. I am trying to disengage so when he mentions them I do not engage in that conversation with him rather change it onto something else...the weather is always a good one for us Brits...LOL!!!! I totally agree with you about awareness, but sometimes it just baffles me how he can not see it himself.
Although maybe he does. We went to a wedding last year, his daughter had decided the month before that she was not going to University that September but deferring a year (this would mean her tuition fees would TRIPLE). Well prior to the wedding and then for the best part of an hour after the ceremony it was just him and me talking and that was all he talked about and I am being 100% serious. Even though he had been talking about it forever after she annouced the deferal. How much can he say about the matter, you can't drag her there. Anyhow, after said hour he decideds that we should mingle (I didn't know anyone but was happy to do so) bc guess what, he didn't want to mention that his daughter was making a big c*ck up and getting herself into triple the amount of debt she would have done if she had gone to Uni that year and who else wants to hear him going on and on about that....yaaaaawwwwwwnnnnnn. What a plank!!!
Yes, blending families is a
Yes, blending families is a mindfield. Something I appreciated more than SO. He just thought he could throw us all together and it would all be fine. In fact he would literally push me into a room to speak to his SKIDS, I was like DO NOT do that, the last thing people (me or them) want to do is have someone being forced on them!!!
You sound like a lovely mum and woman is your own right, as you say. I think there needs a degree of balance in all these situations/relationships.
Sad story about your SD, what a lovely man to assert the position he has. Saving grace that his other kids are great too, pity that he can't stop talking about that thoush....sigh!!!
I love the fact that your children can see it too....makes you feel a little less like it's 'just you' that's thinking that! It's great that you have found a place that you are happy with and that it works for you, plus the addage of wine
;).
Having something to look forward to is a blessing. My situation just got worse as now YSD want to move in when she becomes 18 in 3 months (she is currently house sharing using the child support £ SO gives her mum). That will stop when she turns 18 and then she wants to move it here....hmmmmm. She too wants to defer Uni for a year, but has said she wants to learn to drive and get a job in the meantime while she tries and makes it as a musician.....she's never had any job and has had her provsional for 9 months and hasn't had a single driving lesson....it's never ending.
Smart move with the international roaming...that is something my SO would never do....honestly it really is obsessive....siggghhhh
Haha..... I get what you mean
Haha..... I get what you mean about the bragging. I don't think there is anything for my SOmto brag about either....so he doesn't necessarily, but just brings them up ALL the time...LOL
Yes, when they actually do something constructive or nice for another human being (especially for him), then I would want to hear about it,,but in the meantime......SSSSSHHHHHHHHH.
"SO random syndrome" is annoying isn't it....on a flight, I was by the window and he in the middle. Some chick sat next to him & he started talking to her. She was on a fashion shoot for a supermarket chain in the UK. Anyhow SO then engages in conversation about how his D was intending to study fashion blah, blah, blah....thing was that was a load of BS. She had given up her place at Uni to study fashion, deferred a year (which meant in tripled her fees) and chose another Uni to study Media Studies.....I was like WTF...funny he didn't tell her all of that.... He couldn't understand why I ordered 2 glasses of red wine and plugged myself into my iPod......LMfAO
Haha..... I get what you mean
Haha..... I get what you mean about the bragging. I don't think there is anything for my SOmto brag about either....so he doesn't necessarily, but just brings them up ALL the time...LOL
Yes, when they actually do something constructive or nice for another human being (especially for him), then I would want to hear about it,,but in the meantime......SSSSSHHHHHHHHH.
"SO random syndrome" is annoying isn't it....on a flight, I was by the window and he in the middle. Some chick sat next to him & he started talking to her. She was on a fashion shoot for a supermarket chain in the UK. Anyhow SO then engages in conversation about how his D was intending to study fashion blah, blah, blah....thing was that was a load of BS. She had given up her place at Uni to study fashion, deferred a year (which meant in tripled her fees) and chose another Uni to study Media Studies.....I was like WTF...funny he didn't tell her all of that.... He couldn't understand why I ordered 2 glasses of red wine and plugged myself into my iPod......LMfAO