DH finally lost it this weekend...

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The weekend started out just great...it was our son's birthday weekend so we had a party booked at a local trampoline park...bs had friends from school, friends from the neighborhood, and his sister and her friends (that totally adore the boy)...DH family did come (yeah...the ones who hate me) and were actually pleasant...one of the boy's from class mom had to leave early because she was supposed to be getting a new car and we ended up taking the boy home and bs8 had his first sleepover with a friend...they had just the best time!

DH and I crawled into bed about 930pm just exhausted but happy bs had the best time. That is when DH phone rings. He exchanged a few short answers and then hung up. I didnt even ask what was going on because i knew it was ss as DH 1)did not comment on who it was and 2) he would be the only one calling that late even though DH has expressed to him not to call that late unless it is an emergency...

I fell asleep and completely forgot about the phone call until later on Sunday when DH leaned over during church service and said that ss14 is over at DH's parents house and he wanted to take ds8 and his friend over to go swim with them after church. Seemed like a great idea...for 3 hours i did a bit of grocery shopping...bought some flowers and peppers and was able to plant them. I was actually finishing up in the back yard when DH calls me inside. I knew something was wrong. I followed him into the bedroom asking what was wrong.

He began to tell me that the last few hours at his parents house was absolute crazyness. The grandparents had apparently told ss14 that he could stay with them for the summer and didnt bother to mention it to DH. They also allowed him to invite his friend over to spend the night. The same one that was demonstrating with ss14 how to perform fellatio to ds because you know...they are just children...

So DH is there swimming with the 2 little boys when the older ones were just being mean to them...stupid stuff like ...they cant swim and should join the special olympics...mean stuff to make the littles cry...DH already got on to them for that when a neighbors dog started barking and the 2 older boys started howling and making groaning noises to make the dog bark more...DH told them to stop 3 times when DH's dad comes outside onto the porch and was like...."I heard him to tell yall to knock it off 3 times now..." and ss lost it...jumped out of the pool and started screaming at FIL and DH...thi is when DH lost it...yelling and screaming ensued...bs and his friend ran off...I'm not sure 100% what or even if anything was said to BS...but he is convinced that ss is going to murder him...

The real head shaker is that the in laws...yeah...they started yelling at DH!!! Telling him that he was immature and how dare he talk to ss that way because he is just a child! OMG are you kidding me....DH got the 2 littles and was like...I have to go....the in laws were like no! you cant leave us with this...how dare you? we didnt sign up for this...DH then took the littles home to me...

DH is so pissed he is sick...he wants to write them all off...they invited ss over the whole summer but didnt sign up for this? knowing that ss is not allowed here due to his past sexual aggression, did they expect DH to just take ss off their hands? they correct and condemn DH in front of ss and think that is a good idea?

I think DH has finally and for real had it. ss has caused nothing but strife with his behavior and nastiness throughout the years. He tried to come between me and DH and almost succeeded...he certainly sparked strife and resentment beween me and the in laws...but now...between DH and his parents...DH is done and finally standing up to the nonsense...at least for now.

I know you want to but don't

I know you want to but don't jump in ... yet. DH knows your boundaries, DH is going to have sit with this drama and let it sink in deep so he can make his next move. The in-laws sound like idiots, no wonder DH is struggling. The mixed messaging from them is mind boggling.

Does CS end at 18/ high school graduation or go longer? SS is real a-hole and on a path to incarceration from my vantage point. He will probably bleed the in-laws dry.

How many more times will it take of the in-laws letting DH and BS down before he goes no contact with them??

i didnt jump in...

i promise. I'm even surprised by that lol...It took everything i had too...I sat there and shook like a crach head though...that was weird...no c/s....DH waived c/s at the advice of his lawyer when he was awarded custody...BM was supposed to pay half of medical and school and such but never did...DH never pursued...according to DH, BM will not pursue c/s...

ss will be repeating the 8th grade...he will be 15 when school starts...more than likely he will not graduate...at this point...incarceration is most definatly in his future. The inlaws are well to do...they can afford it...

Who knows... I am going to put a better lock down on allowing them around BS though...not as punishment...but i cannot have my boy around that kind of crazy. Unfortunatly, they continue to entertain crazy....

Why would your husband take

Why would your husband take your son to his parents knowing that SS was there? aren't they supposed to be kept apart?

And.. he needs to tell his parents that when they decide to take "custody" of his older son without talking to him about it.. that they have indeed "signed up for" what they get.

DH has been torn

between his parents telling him...they are brothers and need to be together ...and me wanting them apart it has been a struggle. I refuse to agree to an overnight there...but if DH is there for a few hours...I absolutly know DH will protect DS. DH would have never talked to his parents like that...they are his parents and he must do as they say...he is in his late 30's...time to cut those apron strings.

SS should not be around your son, period. And your DH did not

SS should not be around your son, period. And your DH did not protect your son- look at the mess that happened. If SS had received treatment and there had been some sort of family therapy, then it might have been possible for the boys to resume some sort of a relationship - but that didnt' happen. And of all the activities DH thought would be good for the boys to do together - he thought swimming was a good idea? Something that happens when they are only wearing swimsuits? Something that usually involves lots of "horseplay?" You need to protect your son sinced your DH has demonstrated that he does not have the ability to do so.

So your DH thinks all is

So your DH thinks all is hunky dory because he was there? Doesn't he have any idea of how traumatizing it can be for your son to be around the kid who sexually assaulted him?! Has he NO sense?! And now that poor child thinks that your SS is going to kill him?! He should never have been in the same place as him in the first place and I don't give a shit what your ILs think!

Of Course.. I mean.. either

Of Course.. I mean.. either what SS did was actually "assault".. and there is zero way any responsible parent would allow him to have repeat exposure (and in a setting like a swimming pool?).. or the reality is that his older brother was just being "crude" and it wasn't actually all that traumatic of an experience.. a kid being exposed to crude "bathroom humor" as my parents used to call it. and.. it doesn't warrant complete isolation. It appears to have been framed more in the former.. so I can't see allowing your son to be in this situation.. (and another kid too.. don't his parents deserve to think that their child is being better protected when in their friend's family's care?).

it's time to put your foot down if your SS has assaulted your son.

Isn't this the teen that

Isn't this the teen that humped the younger boy's face?

I wonder if this would have been taken more seriously if he'd done it to a little girl instead ...

If SS truly assaulted or

If SS truly assaulted or acted in a way that could be percieved.. it's really "off" that his father isn't dealing with it better... getting his older son help (because.. yeah.. this kind of behavior unchecked could get his son in a world of long term hurt....) and protecting his younger son from his older boy until there was more assurance and sign that the older boy was better and that the younger boy was able to have processed what happened and there was a reconcilement and growth.

my husband seems to think of it as just crude...

but again...it got progressivly worse to demontrating how to give a blow job...DH then spoke with his parents and they have a habit of dowgrading bad behavior as him just being a child and not knowing what he is doing...boy is almost 15! it is not like discussions of right and wrong have not happened! parents with boys...have you ever had a discussion to your boy child on how telling a girl you are going to rape them is wrong? this is an example of wtf that i have endured...

I am just glad DH is finally supporting me in protecting the little one.

Change the context and see

Change the context and see how things look. Imagine your SS did the BJ thing to a woman at work ... what would be the consequences? Would she think he was just being crude or would she take this to HR andd/or beyond? Imagine he told a woman at work that he was going to rape her - where would that lead?

I know it’s DH DS

But he didn't keep the kids apart. You must lay down the law with DH. If he see DS it's out of the home. The two kids are never to be together. Your DS is not allowed at FIL. At all. FIL and MIL not allowed at your home. You understand DH has responsibility to his DS. But that will not effect your home.

This kid is out of control, you will not be part of the circus.

amen. and i fullly support

amen. and i fullly support his responsibility to ss...but not in my home...that bridge has been burned

Did you ever press charges against SS and his perve friend?

Until this kid is marched off to Juvy where he will be the older kid's toy he will not learn.

Why is it that your DH keeps crawling back to his idiot parents and keeps serving your young child up to his POS failed family progeny and his own POS parents?

I just don't get it.