So the Dr backed me up....
told DH that #1 priorty is to keep BM8 safe. Period. He agrees that they need to be kept apart for a long while. DH has a ton of work to be done. Apparently the DR told him the same things I have been telling DH. I so feel justified.
DH went straight from the dr to his parents house to discuss what the dr said with them since SS is over there all the time. DH told his parents that there needs to be rules enforced at their house especially since ss behavior is over the top...they are not to allow that idiot friend over (they are both foul together) ...internet needs to go off at a reasonable time...these are the 2 big ones that need to be enforced...the in laws were ...ok...
the next day dh picked up ss to go fishing and talk...ss lasted less than an hour...whined that he was sick and needed to go home...dh brought him back to his parents...just as his idiot friend showed up to go swimming...dh just left...too bad he couldnt take the littles fishing...they really wanted to go...
on sunday i got notified via email that ss had made a purchase through his video game...i double check to make sure DH card is not on file...ss was up until 430am...
So DH supposedly told the in laws that rules need to be put in place...and they refused to enforce either one...idiots...they are all idiots...
Have him ask his parents if
Have him ask his parents if they want official custody of SS. Might as well let them suffer the legal consequences for their lack of oversight of SS.
Thats what sucks, DH will be liable for any costs associated with SS if he goes after another kid. I can see him wanting to wash his hands if the whole situation but until SS is 18, he is the responsible one.
^^^THIS^^^
The grandparents are a HUGE part of the problem, providing fertile ground for that budding psychopath to flourish. They're not going follow any of your DH's rules for SS, so it's only a matter of when, not if, that delinquent does something terrible.
Any crimes that kid commits, any legal fees or civil penalties he racks up in the next three years, will be YOUR responsibility. Maybe your DH can couch it as wanting to formalize the arrangement for tax or other financial reasons? And if he won't, then get some legal counsel for YOURSELF. Don't let yourself or your bio kid be collateral damage anymore.
EDIT: And you're not the MEAN one, you're the SANE one.
My DH's parents had both of
My DH's parents had both of his girls living with them when they were in their latter years of HS.
(The school in their district was better.. BM was throwing her hands up when she "couldn't handle teens" and my DH was working a job offshore as a captain which made living with us not workable).
But he would ask his parents to help by keeping up with their schoolwork.setting boundaries.
and they were "wE cAn't Do That".. which was frustrating.. fortunately the kids were not terrible.. and didn't get into too much trouble.. but simply following up with what they were doing.. insisting on them doing their work before "play".. They had no issue with the general workload of having the girls there.. it was just that they wouldn't do anything to make sure the kids kept on track.. which led in my YSD's case for her to take months longer to finish up her HS credits.
This situation is tough.. dad is not in a role of parent.. and his parents are parenting like they wish.. I guess ideally.. the boy would be with a bio parent.. and your DH could go to his parents to do his visitation (I know that would mean he would be out of your house.. but his son is also his responsibility.. and he seems to be letting his parents just handle it.. so he gets what he gets I guess)
So, SO rewarded his child mollesting POS with a fishing trip
to have a talk that the POS pervy idiot failed family child got out of by faking an upset tummy to go swim with his young child mollesting POS partner... who is not supposed to be near DH's pervy POS child and .... DH drove away instead of running off the partner perve friend.
Really?
smh
Has any one pressed charges against the two mollesters yet?
already looked into it
unfortunatly...a complaint could be made but nothing would be done. plus...it would be the end of my marriage...i cant allow ds eowe at the in laws house...not ready to go down that path...
dh cant/wont demand at his parents house. he has no rights to their home.
While I can understand the risk to your marriage, what about the
risk to your own young children, and all of the other young children out there? These pervey little POS mollesters need to be in the system. Whether direct action is taken against them by Law Enforcement this time or not, the process has to be started.
IMHO
If your DH ends your marriage, as difficult as that might be, good riddance. You nor your young children need that POS or his shallow and polluted failed family gene pool in your lives if he is so devoid of character that he would protect the perve over protecting his marriage and your young children. Gramma and Grampa need to be purged as well. Flush them all and lock them out with a never ending cycle of RO/POs until your children reach the age of majority. Sue on their behalf for damages. Make the publication of the mollesters crap common knowledge in the community.
Protect your children. Go to war. I would.
IMHO of course.
What prevented your DH from
What prevented your DH from telling the idiot friend he was no longer welcome around SS and to go home? I get it's his parents' house, but SOMEBODY needs to start enforcing new rules.
i totally agree....
dh said he spoke to his parents...but it is their house. i dont get it either...why tf is that pos friend still coming over? dh said he wasnt sure if the in laws knew about it beforehand...you see...i have a problem with that...how they not know another kid is coming over...and how they allow it if ss didnt say anything...this kid runs over everyone and does what he wants...when he wants..and how he wants...otherwise he throws a massive fit and everyone bends to get him to shut it...it is absolute foolishness
I notice that your DH will go
I notice that your DH will go to great lengths to do nothing. Yes, he went to his parents' place but he told them what to do when it's the kind of thing he should have been doing all along. The pathetic excuse about not being able to tell the friend to get lost because it was his parents' home was really scraping the bottom. Yes, it's their house but this is the well-being of his son we are talking about. It's time he got actively involved in hus son's life and stopped expecting other people to do it all!
Parenting is not a spectator sport!
Maybe I am missing something,
Maybe I am missing something, but aren't the parents doing their son a HUGE favor by letting this little shit live there? What is he going to do when they get sick of it? You know the kid is lying, cheating and stealing from them. Sooner or later he is going to do something they can't ignore. Then what happens? Maybe DH needs to figure that out and do it now before something bad happens with parents. Maybe boarding school or group home if mom won't take him. I might do it for a short time for my grandkids, but it would be limited.
not really..
ss decided to move 2 hours north to bm's house.wish granted. dh was then supposed to get eowe (which would be a favor since the kid does not need to come around...dh would have his "parenting time" there)...but that isnt what ss wants to do...he wants to stay at the in laws because there are no rules...no one there during the week in the daytime...and his raunchy friends on the weekend...so the in laws allow him to stay...but....they "didnt sign up for this"....its funny...they will drive to get ss...not tell dh...and when ss needs to go back to bm's...they demand dh to take him...but...the kicker is they call last minute...for example...ss needs to be taken home sunday and they will call at noon sunday to tell dh that he needs to get ss and take him back to bm...
i anxious to know what will happen when we go out of town...will dh finally tell his parents that he cannot take ss...or will we have to turn around from vaca to take ss?
There are options for isolating a toxic kid for the good of the
others in the family.
I attended boarding schools after my Freshman year of HS. Not because of toxicity in my family. We lived oversead in a country that ended school for Expat kids after 9th grade.
A number of my school mates were on their last chance after being adjudicated to Military School, because their custodial parent remarried and they were no longer wanted either due to the parent, the parent'ss spouse or due to their own poor behavioral choices, some who were sent by relatives after they were orphaned., etc.... Most went because of opoortunity, family tradition, etc..
If this SKid gets kicked out the the GPs, there may be options that are protective of your home/family, and of the Skid.