DH raised his fist to me
I don't know how many times I have to tell the older SS14 that we eat at the table in my house b/c he walked into my bedroom shoveling fries into his big mouth and one hit my floor. I gave him a look and my DH said "oooh, you better get out" - fine. I am strict in certain ways b/c it's been a free for all with little discipline or rules (I think out of guilt) from my DH and his ex. I have rules - wash hands after bathroom, SEAT DOWN and use the Clorox wipes I readily provide under all bathroom sinks, eat at the table, SHOWER and put the towel on the rack. None of these rules scream evil SM to me, these are fundamental, basic rules IMO. Anyway, DH turns to me when SS leaves and says "you should've seen the look on your face" - keep in mind I JUST got home from a 5 mile jog and just want to peacefully shower and lock myself away to watch my DVR. I said "I'm tired of repeating myself, nothing seems to stick unless it's part of a video game" and that made him soooo angry. He walked into the kitchen threw a plastic cup, slammed something and then when I walked up behind him, he lifted his fist like he was going to hit me to which I responded "do it and I'm calling the cops you f****** p****" and went into the shower. This has NEVER happened before, domestic violence is so off my radar but something in him snapped. He later apologized and said it "doesn't matter what we were talking about, I had no right to do that and you know I'd never touch you." I accepted but he shut off a switch in me, I was repulsed when I woke up this morning. My dislike of the one kid is more intense b/c he's such an enabled slob. Am I going overboard? I guess I can't help the emotion I feel right now b/c it's so fresh...
Must add that the kid went
Must add that the kid went back into his room, put on his fighter jet headphones witn the mic so he could continue playing his ps3 online with people that are probably older than me (another issue I have)...we heard him laughing and talking so I know he didn't hear or see this...
Good frigging luck. I had
Good frigging luck. I had similar rules when I moved in and they couldn't handle it. One of mine was eat breakfast...Anything. They demonized me for it and it was years before I let it go.
I do think using clorox wipes everytime they use the bathroom, may be excessive, but to each his own.
I completely agree with Echo
I completely agree with Echo and I would be kicking him and his spawn to the curb now before you end up with a black eye or worse. My first warning was a punch to the eye. It took me almost two years of misery to escape because once they get to that point they will threaten to kill you and your family if you try to leave.
Mine liked to set fires and he learned it from his daddy. No one told me until it was too late and he was threatening to burn my house, my parents' house, my brother's home and his business. He grew up watching his dad burn their family home every time his mother got hit and walked out. She ran right back every time.
Preach it, sister. When we're
Preach it, sister. When we're at our worst is when character shows. Or not.
I know setting boundaries can
I know setting boundaries can be hard and aggravation can set in easily. I agree maybe the Clorox every time you are in the bathroom may be extreme and this is coming from someone who will let DH start laundry but especially cringes if he tries to make the bed as I wash my hands before folding and thought I know the bed will get dirty is my sanctuary and one must shower before getting on the bed even for "impromptu time" I know I'm a germaphobe especially in getting into bed.
However that is not the point here. Think carefully about your future...he raised it and apologized? What if as Echo says he slowly strengthens small things into hitting you and apologizes? What then. I dealt with this and on a pretty extreme level even without living with the guy. This is a red flag even if he doesn't even recognize it. Do you want to live with someone like that? Will an apology still suffice next time? You may so no now but it's harder when the situation is presented. I live with a DH who has severe ADHD and it stems anger issues but he has not once raised or maybe a signal towards me and though I already deal with explosive moments which are just as draining if he even made a signal he was going to hurt me he would be gone.
Please think about what we are all saying.
If you do nothing else LISTEN
If you do nothing else LISTEN TO YOUR GUT. It is your intuition telling you the RIGHT thing to do. DO IT.
Huge hugs. Emotions are so
Huge hugs. Emotions are so high with step kids and their BP. You need to decide how you feel now and if you want to be part of this. Much easier said than done. x
As a man I am pissed off that
As a man I am pissed off that your DH would raise a fist to you. Do you have a father, uncles, brothers that can take care of giving DH clarity on this issue .... in a dark ally ..... late at night ..... with a baseball bat or two .... to the kneecaps .... and gonads .... and .........?
If I so much as raised a finger to my wife my own USMC father who is 71 years old would beat me to within a milimeter of my life.
Grrrr!!!!!!
I have been married 30 years.
I have been married 30 years. My DH has chocked me- twice. Once in year 9. Then again when I was pregnant with DD14. Perfectson saw it that time and charged him like a bull- he was 10. Punched his father so hard in the stomach, he knocked the wind out of him. Both times, it was random and alcohol was involved. Neither of us drink anymore thank GOD. Anyway freeefalling, looking back I should've never allowed it, I should've called the cops. Allowing it the first time let the second time happen. EDIT: He was drinking, not me. As you guys know I'm an alcoholic but I didn't drink when I was pregnant! My problem drinking started about 5 years ago- sober now.
Congrats on being sober!
Congrats on being sober!
i HATE that "you should've
i HATE that "you should've seen the look on your face".
my response was "i dont care what my face looks like. if my "go to hell" thoughts are visible, maybe it's because i'm sick as shit of being ignored, and YOU my dear husband are the one who needs to fix it."
as far as raising his fist to you, my ex did that several times. i would raise one eyebrow and say "go ahead. do it." but sadly, he never did. would've been an easy out for me. but i already had nothing left for him. i'm sorry u feel like something has died between you and him. do you trust him and the sincerity of his apology? can he take anger management classes? or is this a deal breaker? only you can answer those, maybe with the help of a therapist.
((hugs))
Thank you! I miss drinking
Thank you! I miss drinking like crazy- but not the hangovers and Dui!