OT - What do you call it when
you have to be the emotional manager for everyone in the family? There's a phrase/words for that that I cannot think of right now but that's what I am.
I haven't been on for a while because it's just been so F-ing busy! Work is busy, I'm taking classes (two this semester because some diva instructor requires people to take this other class first or concurrently even though there's ZERO in the prerequisites about it), I also have a side job that's getting busy, and with all the family and political stuff that no one seems to be able to manage, it is apparently my job to be the sounding board where people get to come and rant. Well, shit flows downhill follks and because I can pick and choose your emotional baggage to view, you get to be the spot where I lay my emotional baggage.
I am F-ING SICK AND TIRED OF HELPING EVERYONE GET THROUGH THIS F-ING PANDEMIC AND US ELECTION! Sure, I can say no and I do say I'm busy and need to go/need to do stuff, but that doesn't stop people from just spewing at me all their problems. WHAT ABOUT MINE? Like in the paragraph above? I just get to say, "oooh, yes I'm really busy" and put on a brave face.
And there's shit going on. I get that my uncle has new cancer. I get that my mother is stressed about it. I get that DH is upset about the election and that there's no results. I get that the kids are upset about online classes. Frankly, I am too, but just because I'm tired of all the vitriol. At this point I really don't give a shit who wins, I just want people to shut the F-up about it. I just want to tell everyone to suck-it-the-f up. Deal with it like everyone is dealing with it. Who do you think I get to go to to whine? (well, you guys, but you get my point)
Right now I'm writing this instead of doing homework. Yet I'm worried DS will call. Cause he's been calling A LOT lately because he's getting into new stuff he doesn't know (like a real-ish job) and he's lonely because, well, pandemic. I get that. BUT I CAN'T just hang on the phone and chat whenever he's free. Speaking of kids, DH will be pissy too and there's that fun then if OSS doesn't respond. YSS has been pretty mild lately and seems to need the least amount of help at this present moment. Could be different tomorrow.
I can't watch whatever video DH has found about some inflammatory thing. I send him little memes just to keep him happy. And friends are so divided right now that there's NO ONE to turn to.
AND I'M TIRED. Handle your own shit, people! (My people, not you.) I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE. "This" being handling and mentoring and recommending and helping and being positive for all of you when I have my own F-ing shit to deal with that NONE of you ask about. You are f-ing welcome.
Phew. Thank you to all of you anonymous people on this forum. I think I'd go crazy if I didn't have somewhere to spew.
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Comments
I think of it as being an
I think of it as being an emotional crutch. But there is an element of emotional blackmail thrown on top. The commonly used phrase of "you don't care" if you try to back away from being the receptacle of whatever they're trying to unload on you. And that makes you feel bad because you don't want to come off as heartless and to prove you care, you let them chip away a bit of your happiness so they can feel better and deal with whatever's going on in their lives. Nevermind about what's going on in yours because if you mention it they'll tell you how bad you've made them feel that they can't help you, so you rush to reassure everything's ok even though it's not...
I hear you
I hear you
Emotional sponge
When I was in counseling, my counselor told me I was an emotional sponge and he was right. So, I know what you mean. I don't know the cure because, like you, at bottom I really am interested and care about Mom's whining, DH's continual discussions, DS's philosophical emails and all the rest. Just not at all of them at the same time. I have a lot going on in my life and I have a lot going on in my head. When the overload gets too much, I find myself shutting down and getting crabby. I feel for you, this is a particularily bad time for it.
That is a really good way to
That is a really good way to explain it.
I try and take on everyone's burdens and wind up giving out more than I have to give and am left with nothing.
I told DH last night after he
I told DH last night after he asked me to "Go talk to YSD please...." because she was crying because DH had spoken sternly to her because she had walked out of the room on him when he was trying to help her with something because she doesn't like her math class because she doesn't want to do the work to learn on her own because TEENAGER.
She's not failiing the class at all it's just being taught at literally an elementary school level (I've heard the teacher talk) and YSD is a math whiz and she's bored. So DH has some really cool education online options for her if she really wants to learn. She said at dinner she dosn't want to learn online just books. Well, we both pointed out the non-option of that....DH let her know that he could add the books/learning stuff to her computer after dinner then she just left. And didn't come back. So DH told her he was tired of her just complaiing and walking away leaving him to wonder what is going on - at least she needs to learn to experess what she wants clearly. Then she started crying and DH left and asked me to go to her.
"No." Then told him he needs to STOP trying to solve it for her and if she keeps complaining and ignoring her options then leave it. Be done, but also don't allow her to complain every night about it if she's not learning what she wants to learn. Told him I learned this long ago that I'm NOT a parent, I'm NOT their mom, and NOTHING I say is every taken seroiusly unless it's to clean something up or provide food or entertainment. So what exactly does he want me to do? I'm not his counselor.
So he talked with his counsselor this morning.