DH wanted me to apologize for yelling at SD
Which is funny, because i didn't even tell at sd. Sd has a nasty habit of talking over people all the time. Shop in order gore me to finish my sentences i gave to raise my voice to even get my voice heard. So when i raise my Voice over sd's loud booming voice, she starts crying that im yelling at her. I find this hilarious. This child cries over everything, literally just to get her way. I leave the room laughing, come back after i gain my composure, DH tells me bre thinks i should apologize for yelling at sd, so i go tak get I'm sorry that she was so loud that i had to raise my voice over hers and that it upset her....
Guess who didn't apologize for "yelling" at me, guess who didn't apologize for interrupting me, guess who still hasn't apologized for being so rude about me making "soooo many" dishes for them by cooking dinner for them. Guess who hasn't apologized for any of their horrendous actions EVER. that's right disgusting, manipulative, infantile SD.
Absolutely hate it when my
Absolutely hate it when my husband starts to "parent" me when he is too much of a chickenshit to actually parent SD. It sounds like this is what your husband is doing. He's going to treat you like the default bad guy in every conflict with her because he feels more secure in his relationship with you or he doesn't care what you think of him. Either way he's more comfortable attacking you than parenting daughter. This is the perfect recipe for her to not have any respect for you or other adults.
Nothing worse than when
Nothing worse than when partners get treated like children and the children get treated more like a partner. It really meses up the roles, and, unfortunately, not all that uncommon in blended families. The child and the adult partner wind up becoming "equalized" and, surpise!, next thing you know SM and the kid are duking it out for the #1 spot, or in some cases, it winds up being BM and SM because DH may start to treat his ex- more like wife #1 and his current wife more like the proverbial biblical 2nd wife.
Heck! DH sets this whole thing up, basically, and then acts like po' whittle him who is stuck in the middle all the time. Some DHs, they even accidentally, on purpose or accidentally on purpose do so because they love having all these women fighting over them. I'd go so far as to say, if you see this competitiveness among SM or SKs or BM, look at for a DH who is messing up the roles big time. Look for a DH who is treating his wife more like a child and his child (or BM) more like a #1 wife.
You'd think it'd be simple--treat a wife like a wife, a partner like a partner, a child like a child, an ex- like an ex-, but for some 1@#$!# reason, you throw the term SM in there or 2nd marriage, and far too many throw those roles that have pretty much worked for eternity, out the window, and then they wonder why the divorce rate for 2nd marriages is so high. Nip this in the bud right away, and tell him to stop giving all of the power in your household to his child. Since when does the word of a clear-child take precedence over the word of someone who is not only an able-bodied adult, but also your spouse? Shiatsu! If my dad would have been dumb enough to take my word as a child over my mother's, I'd dare say I'd be a feral adult right now because I would have just assumed throughout my life that my a$$ was gold and everyone had better kiss it just like my daddy did. And, when they didn't I would have gone ballistic vs. learned to fend for myself and to value the truth over self-interests.
Wow! That first sentence
Wow! That first sentence really hit home! Mine still does it when he is frustrated by his asshole meth head daughter, even though she is almost 50! You turned the thermostat down, or up, you put this in the recycling or didn't, I don't feed the dog that much, you left the light on, blah, blah, blah. It usually last a day or two after he sees her. I understand, he is trying to have control after dealing with her chaos, but it is annoying. I usually ignore him,or if I am really irritated I will get all dramatic "OMG! I LEFT THE LIGHT ON! I AM SO SORRY, CAN YOU EVER FORGIVE ME. Usually will make him laugh and snap out of it.
I had a similar incident when
I had a similar incident when SD25 was in her mid teens - during an argument SD screamed in my face a spattered me with spittle. I told DH she should apologise - he went and spoke to her (this was a week or more after the incident), came back and said that she would apologise if I did! I told him I had absolutely nothing to apologise for and did not make a habit of doing so when I'd done nothing wrong. Needless to say she never did apologise.
You know when I was a
You know when I was a teenager and had to apologize to adults for my behavior there was no, "if he/she says sorry I will." It was a non-negotiable . My DH would probably come back and say one of the SK's will apologize if I do. I am sorry you never received an apology. But I admire you for standing your ground.
Here's a suggestion - next
Here's a suggestion - next time she tries to talk over you, rather than raise your voice, lower it a little. The person you're talking to will then turn to your SD and tell her to put a sock in it, Someone else is trying to talk to them
And for goodness sake, DuH, she's 15! It's time to stop being the go-between - if she has something to say, she's old enough to say it. By relaying messages, your DuH is just increasing the chasm between you and his daughter.
Tell your DH he needs to
Tell your DH he needs to apologize for raising such a feral child.
Time to give your STBXDH the
Time to give your STBXDH the message that SD needs to appologize to both of you for ruining your marriage.
smh
What is it that makes so many failed family breeders put their failed family spawn above their spouse?
I don't get it and never will.
smh
I don't get it either
It's probably the "my kid can do no wrong" syndrome. Ask anyone who works with kids--teachers, scout leaders, Little League coaches, school bus drivers. Anyone who works with kids will have a treasure trove of stories about parents with "my kid can do no wrong" syndrome.
Unfortunately it's everywhere and you can't get rid of it. It's apparently one of those unfortunate human characteristics we're all stuck with. Professionals who work with kids are at a disadvantage because they're effectively employed by the parents of all those little angels. It's hard to serve your boss an unpleasant truth.
A spouse, on the other hand, is in a perfect position to rain hell on someone who insists they parented perfection. At least they should be. If you're not, re-position yourself toot sweet so you can bring the hell storm.
Don't know how? Just ask here. We've been through it all and we have tons of suggestions.
SD is the number one woman in DH or SO life
You know where you stand. SDis number one. But unfortunately he can't have sex with her. Enter you. You are the bed partner but SDhas his heart. You do what you want with this information. Do you want to live this way?
What's going to happen when SD reaches 18 yo. Is she going to find a BF. Or will a BF want her. ? Will she become more of a mini wife. ???.
This is two years old. Can we have an up date? What's going on ? So many people vent and we don't know the results
The update? Nothing ever
The update? Nothing ever happened, sd is still just as disgusting and horrendous as ever... read any of my posts, SD gets what sd wants, or she goes home and BM tells her how "detrimental" to her mental health we are for not giving in to her demands
Its all about control
DH doesn't want the appologize to make SK feel better, But wants to control you. Control you so you are not a equal in the relationship. He the master, things go his way. You either give in or stand up for yourself.