Do you avoid the skids?
I'm considering having other things to do during visitation times, since dad doesn't feel like parenting, but I parent the wrong way. I'm abusive to the little darling, don't you know? Hurting a 5yo's feelings is abuse, just in case you weren't sure.
Right now I've locked myself in the bedroom but I can still hear her.
Here's a little snippit of the conversation...
SO: Please go throw that away.
SD5: In the compost?
SO: No, in the garbage. Plastic goes in the garbage.
SD5: Why? I want to throw it in the compost.
SO: Because plastic doesn't turn into soil like food does, you need to put it in the garbage.
SD5: OK. I'll throw it in the compost then.
SO: NO! You need to put it in the garbage.
SD5: But I already put it in the compost.
SO: So go get it, and put it in the trash.
SD5: NO!! That's GROSS!!!!!
While I'm happy that *I* am not the one dealing with her 5 year old logic, I'd prefer to be in blissful adult land. Would you/do you leave your house just to avoid the step kid(s).
Not yet but I do run off to a
Not yet but I do run off to a different section of the house where it is quiet.
Yes. Sometimes I go for a
Yes.
Sometimes I go for a walk. Sometimes I just go to the other room and 'clean'. Sometimes I go grab a shower. It depends if my bios are here or not. I don't leave DH with my bios - why? Because I don't appreciate him leaving the skids with me for no reason.
I leave rooms always when DH is doing homework with either of the skids. I can't stand that they yell at him and that he does nothing to tell them its disrespectful. Didn't you know that a grade 1 child knows better? According to SS6 he does - he will raise his voice and yell at DH when DH corrects him. SD12 also raises her voice and mouths off. So I leave the room. I am not allowed to say or do anything and I can't stand watching DH being disrespected by his kids - so I leave.
I also leave the table if everyone is done and has left DH and myself sitting with SS6. He is always last - he shoves food around his place the entire meal, then everyone else leaves. I cannot sit and watch DH beg and plead and make up games to get SS6 to eat. It ends with DH feeding him. I want to scream - do you want a highchair too? Do your friends mamas and dadas feed them too? Drives me mad. So I clean up the kitchen or go check my facebook.
Gotta do what you can to stay sane. There are 3 other kids in this house, not just SS6.
SO has the 5yo with his
SO has the 5yo with his ex-wife and we have a 17month old together. I don't have any problems leaving him with both of the kids when I retreat to the bedroom, but I usually take the baby with me if I go somewhere. Sometimes this is at his request, because it is "too hard" to care for 2 kids by himself.
But he has NO problem leaving them both for me to take care of.
I don't share any children
I don't share any children with DH.
I guess I sort of look at it like I will not do to DH what I don't want done to me. It doesn't seem to work though. He is constantly leaving me with all 4 kids - I don't do that to him. If I can't make a pickup or event for my kids, I call their father first and foremost. Even if I may have divorced and not really like the man, he is their father and he is responsible for them before my DH.
I wish DH felt that BM should be 'used' before me to look after his and her kids.
yes, I make plans routinely
yes, I make plans routinely for anything I can think of when I know they will be here
and I am very fortunate that their camp this year falls on the week of vacation, so my girls and I are going alone....it's like bliss...I have never been so excited for a vacation in a long time
it was purely by coincidence this year but next year I will have to plan it the same way
As a mother of 2 kids who
As a mother of 2 kids who were forced to visit their father and his new wife for a while, I definitely would've appreciated it if their father's wife had made other plans. They didn't know her, didn't respect her because she openly had an affair with him while we were still married, didn't feel comfortable, didn't want to be there, and felt it was all being forced on them.... her giving them space might've helped the situation. If your instinct is to make other plans in order to keep peace or make things easier for everyone, then it's not a bad thing. Do what keeps your spirit the most at peace.
Wow, what an interesting
Wow, what an interesting perspective. It must've been painfull for you to have to send them off to see him. I'm sorry for your situation- that truly sucks and stepmom should shove off when the kids go there!
They don't have to go
They don't have to go anymore.... in fact, she divorced him after less than a year. It was very difficult to see my kids forced to be with a woman who would be nice in front of their dad, and then as soon as he wasn't around, be mean to them. My daughter hit the call button on her phone one time and let me hear what the woman was saying.... I had been telling my kids to try and give her a chance and try to get to know her, but after what I heard, I stopped defending her. I still demanded they show her the same courtesy and respect that I require for all adults, but I didn't try to help them see her side of things. Bottom line, she dated him on the sly when he was still married, and when they actually got married, and the excitement was gone, and she realized that he wasn't able to be all perfect and romantic when it was daily instead of weekend escapes, and that he actually wanted to be with his kids and make them a priority, she dumped him.
The step parents on here seem mature and like they want to be understanding....
But I do think if the situation has become frustrating to the point that a child can sense your frustration, taking a break from being there would be healthier for the step-parent and the children.
Hell no I didn't leave my
Hell no I didn't leave my (yes, MY) own house because of the Twit. I strongly encouraged DH to do something, anything, with her to get her out. Fortunately she stayed in her room a lot and...well, I have no idea what she did.
Amazing how my EOWd schedule
Amazing how my EOWd schedule just matches up so perfectly.. lol. I do wish our BS had somewhere to go while Im at work, but I rescue him the second I walk in the door, and thankfully he still naps a good bit during the day.
If DH is at home when we have
If DH is at home when we have SD16, then fine I don't mind being around the house and being able to practice my disengaging.(I'm getting better at it!)
If DH has to be out when SD16 is here, then I will plan to do things away from the house. It's obvious I'm doing it, DH says I'm being childish. But I'M happier if I don't have to see/hear SD16 - so I'll continue to do what suits me and not them.
If it's an evening when DH is away or out I'll retire to my bedroom.
I agree with some of the
I agree with some of the previous posters, that I would not leave the house, but I would encourage him to take SD7 out of the house and do something with her!! She really does need his attention, and with the computer at home, it's tough for her to get it sometimes. So I encourage him to take her ANYWHERE!! he goes and spend time alone with her. It's important for them both. She gets quality time with dad, he has to deal with her ridiculas behavior on his own, and I get a break from them both!
I always say I'm tired. Go
I always say I'm tired. Go lay down read a book or watch a romantic comedy alone!
Im a bio mom and my 2ex girls
Im a bio mom and my 2ex girls hated their sm and nothing we did changed it and YES I tried to help because they have 2no brothers and 2sisters sisters by her ... it came to the point the kids and sm were all miserable so my ex hubby and I said screw the court orders this is what we will do he picks up my kids whenever he wants to he just txts them the night before and as long as we don't have serious plans they have the option to go or not and they always do he keeps them how long he wants within a reasonable bed time and then brings them home they have a blast and actually spend one on one time with him they go shopping to the movies the park he's teaching them to play guitar .... they never go to his house ... this is how we chose to make everyone happy sometime a family wont or can't blend and instead of blaming get creative. Like I said he has free access and I never say no to him everyone smiles
Yes....I do avoid my skids.
Yes....I do avoid my skids. They make me uncomfortable.
Yes! I think it's better to
Yes! I think it's better to walk away then let your frustration show in your actions, anyway.
I walk the dog (and take a 30 minutes stop at a coffee shop to read a magazine), I go out to get the mail and sit on the front porch while opening it, I go to the grocery store more often than i would normally, i joined a book club that meats on a day the skid is over, I agreed to volunteer once a month on a day that the skid is over....and I love it!
My skid seems to appreciate the time alone with his dad and is nicer to me when i get home!
So what do you do when you
So what do you do when you have a dreadful SD12...and you have her 24/7? We tried to send her to her mom to save my sanity and protect our toddlers...her mom sent her back.
In my home:
I am disrespected...DH tries to make her stop but who are we kidding, he has NO control over her.
My things are stolen...even out a bathroom SD is forbid to enter.
My kids are hurt...BD4 had red marks on her neck and said SD did it.
Absolutely NO rules are followed by SD.
DH is REALLY trying hard to whip her into shape...it's not working. What are MY options? If I divorce him, the brat gets what she wants (Daddy all to herself). I am tired. I am sad. I am frustrated. I am resentful. I have been taken advantage of. I raised this kid for 7 years as my own child, and she hates me. I am beginning to hate her, too.
We tried a treatment center, they won't take her until she "seriously" injures someone.
Yes I avoid the little brat
Yes I avoid the little brat when possible.
She constantly talks while I am talking, sings at the top of her voice when I am talking to SO and stares at me when her Daddy isn't looking and then if I stare back, ask's what I am looking at so her Dad can hear and get this.......................she is only 5!!!!
She comes to our house every other weekend and to be honest, if I can get out I do. Trips to the shops, gardening anything to not have to look at her and hear her shit and manipulation of SO. Sometimes I go to sleep, willing away the time until she goes to bed, sometimes I take a long bath and sometimes I just go to my room and lay down and read, but just hearing her voice in my small house irritates me.
If only I'd have known what I was letting myself in for. I wanted kids but now having met her, I am not so sure.