Don't want to cross the point of no return...
New here. Although I'm a little bummed out by what I'm reading here, I can totally relate to most stories.
Since discovering this forum this morning, something has been on my mind all day. I am not quite at that hatred of my step kids point yet, but teetering dangerously close. We went from 50/50 of my step-kids to full custody for about three months and now we are transitioning back to 50/50. So I'm sure all this full custody and transitioning is amplifying my annoyance.
However, I want to be proactive in ensuring I don't start to resent my step-kids. Any advice? What would those of you "step-parent veterans" go back in time and whisper in your ear? It's clear from the stories on this forum that one enters a point of no return of resentment, for you what was that?
I have a pretty good
I have a pretty good situation compared to what I'm reading on here and in that sense my perception is changing a bit.
My step-kids are 7 & 9. Very loud, obnoxious, babyish, lack table manners, blank stares when you ask them to do something, etc... My husband agrees with me that his kids are not as well behaved as mine ( 7 & 10 ) and it bothers him, but he doesn't connect the dots. I have stopped trying to make our parenting styles match up because I realize that is unrealistic. I feel so guilty that I dread when they come to our house, they are just kids, it's not their faults. I need to change my perspective, right?
To be honest you are going to
To be honest you are going to dread it if you don't try to find middle ground for parenting. I have found the only way for me to feel welcoming of FH kids is to feel that we are working together as a family to raise respectful kids. Otherwise you sit there having to deal with kids you don't like in your home and there is nothing you can do about it! If he admits his kids are not well behaved and has come to terms with that I don't see why you 2 cant meet in the middle with household rules. The fact is no your parenting style may never be equal. However, you should be able to have your own house rules and have your home respected. You also deserve to be treated a certain way in your own home. At the end of the day if you to cant be a couple and compromise with parenting style you are going to be bitter. Do not get me wrong I am not saying you jump straight into parenting his children. I am talking about you reminding him of things that happen throughout the day that you don't like happening in your home. Especially certain things that happen in front of your kids that they don't get away with. Then discussing it as a couple and meeting half way. I have personally found in the past if you can explain to him exactly why you have a problem with the way situations are handled with his kids in a concerned way. So letting him know you think his actions may be hurting his kids overall future or well being. That talk goes a lot better than a simple your spoiling your kids stop it!
It's a question I ask myself
It's a question I ask myself frequently. Same thing..focus on the good things and vent about the bad things. That's pretty helpful. You will find that even just typing out your frustrations and not posting them can be very therapeutic. Posting is good too because you can vent and people can empathize. Anyway, my advice is as above, focus on the good things. If you have kids, focus on them. Be kind to the SK of course but you don't have to pay so much attn to them(when they are frustrating you) esp if you have bios that need tending. If you take the focus off of the skid's more often you will be less likely to feel awful things about the whole situation. Just get through it. Is your 5050 week on week off?
Also you could let your
Also you could let your husband do the majority of the things for his kids without seeming like a *****. You can just be busy all the time. I don't know who does what at your house but if he is doing most of it for them he will start coming down on the bad behavior.