eating with skid
I want to know if I am alone in this feeling. Of all the things I dread most in a day, the biggest dread is eating dinner with skid11. He isn't a terrible boy, just emotionally immature which is really his dad's fault. His only contribution to our entire household list of chores is taking his dirty dinner plate to the counter (no, not into the dishwasher, that's much too advanced for an 11 year old, eyes roll). So, you would think it isn't so bad. During dinner, he is quiet, stares at the TV (which I think is tacky to have on during dinner, but BF loves it and it helps me avoid having to talk to the boy), he eats fast and then takes his plate to the counter so he can get back to his only interest in life, video games. BUT, the thought of sitting across from him and trying to act interested in his day at school, and listening to BF gush over his non-accomplishments in life while I pretend to smile and give a crap just makes me gag. I would literally rather not eat. My BF is a primo cook, and it is such a waste of the dining experience to share it with skid. My BF of course wants us to be a big happy family and eat together, but I avoid going home from work in hopes that BF will give the kid dinner and eat with me after. This works about 25% of the time. Once I came home from work at 9:30, all excited for a little quality time with my man until he announced that skid wanted to wait for me for dinner (read between the lines, skid was engrossed in a video game and didn't want to get off to eat). My heart sank as we all three ate dinner at 10pm which of couse meant the kid was allowed to stay up late, which meant no couples time at all - total backfire. I wonder if anyone else has this particular distaste for dining with skids. Maybe it is because my BF is such a gourmet, maybe because some of our best times are cooking together with a glass of wine and fun chat when kid is NOT with us, maybe it is because I can't pretend skid doesn't exist when he is sitting right across from me. Anyway, anyone else? Bon appetite.
I have been having a really
I have been having a really hard time eating at the table with my SD7 & SS8 but that's mainly because of manners.
SD7 is probably the messiest eater/drinker I have EVER known AND she has now (WHOOP!) started to make these creepy nasty noises all throughout dinner.
SS8 has bad coordination due to being diagnosed with PDD so he's ALMOST understandable but he's interesting to watch use utensils & he tends to overfill his mouth which is just NASTY! He chews with his mouth shut but is fighting off a choking incident at the same time...most strange!
My DF has FINALLY agreed to keep the TV off during dinner (SS was unable to look away from it while eating creating more of a mess).
Can't say I'd necessarily have a problem with quiet & non messy though! I'd LOVE the quiet!
Is your SS slow or does he have some sort of issue that would make it so that he's not able to help with chores? My DF was worried about having SS8 do things due to coordination issues, but, hoorah for me, he's finally caving! SS8 only 2 days ago poured his first drink for himself...this was after much nagging on my part...no, he didn't spill
I've got SS8 cleaning his toilet & SS7 doing the bathroom sink (yes, I generally go re-do it, but that's not the point!), they bring their laundry to be washed & put it all up when it's done...not too much but they do their own little part.
Ugh... I hear ya about the
Ugh... I hear ya about the dishes and video games. DH's kids don't do anything. Used to just put their dishes in the sink. And then I put my foot down and made him start making them put their stuff in the dishwasher and clean up the table after every time they eat. And the only glimmer of excitement that comes from them is when they get to run to the damn video games. Obnoxious. If they aren't playing that then they always say they are 'bored.' Drives me nuts. Tell DH you value your time with him at 10 when it's skids bedtime and would appreciate it if he stuck to the schedule. DH and I eat seperate from his kids so I can't relate there. But I understand how you feel when you say you want your alone time.
Eating with a stepchild can
Eating with a stepchild can be difficult for many different reasons. I personally prefer to eat with SD3 though because she actually seems to behave better and enjoys it when we are all at the table. When she eats alone she's always trying to lean out of her chair so she can see the TV in the other room, she makes so many gross lip-smacking sounds, she often puts her utensils places they don't belong such as her hair, and she will sometimes try to feed her food to the dog if she doesn't want it. When we sit with her, I can correct all these behaviors and I also try to keep the TV off. In my case though, it's primarily the fact that she gets distracted during eating which bothers me. For you, it seems you have little to no relationship with your SS. If dinner time is the only time you two interact, I'm not surprised that neither of you are thrilled to be there. Have you made CONSISTENT efforts to form a relationship with him? The only reason consistency is important is that kids will often reject the new person in their parent's life. As a step-parent we need to try (even though I admit it's extremely hard at times) to not take the rejection personally and keep trying. We get tested the most because the child is trying to make sure you are planning on sticking around. Since their biological parents couldn't make things work, they have feelings of abandonment and they are less likely to open their hearts up right away to the next person for fear the same will happen. At least try to show interest in his activities and talk to him a bit. It's really not that difficult to take just 15 minutes out of each day to sit with him while he plays his video games and talk to him. Ask about the game and it's objective. Ask about his day and school. Even if you have no interest, the fact that you are making an effort will show. Let him know that you would like to get along and suggest some activities you could do together to see if he has any interest. Even if he doesn't come around right away, just keep trying (it's only 15 minutes a day!) He probably feels like you have no interest in him at all and are only around for his father. Feeling like a third wheel is never fun for anyone. In the end it all comes down to putting in some effort on your part because you are the more mature one.