I think you should give a smidge. Instead of putting her birth stone in the ring, how about you get something (cute but cheap) that represents "just her". Like do you have a charm bracelet maybe? If she has a nickname...like, I call my SS little bear...So, in my situation I would get a little teddy bear charm for my bracelet.....something like that?
Or in my family the girls always get pearls of some kind. Maybe just a little pearl charm or earrings...
Just an idea.

How about your DH also get a family ring with both yours and his, and all his kids' stones on it? Then the adults' rings can match and each kid can feel validated by parents. Likewise, if skid says but she wants mommy on her ring too then DH can say then Mommy can do a matching one like I did after I saw dhunt13's - there's no harm in the BM doing his, hers and the skid's so long as she pays }:) . If DH has a problem, just explain venn diagrams to him. Surely stepfamilies are not complete and finite rings but they are a series of interlocking ones.

IMO the way you go about this will make what you want happened or cause hurt feelings and resentment on your DH's part.

First not a 'family' ring. By excluding 1/2 of Dh's 'family' (his daughter), he gets angry. It's in the name and 'family to him is the four of you. Family to SD also includes her little brother (your son). "Mother's" ring would be more appropriate and on this you have one child. A single stone on a tradition style mother's ring might look like a lot of ring and not much stone. You might consider a birthstone ring of your child with a nice size stone or a smaller stone set in with a diamond surrounding or a very nice diamond and birthstone heart necklace. Your the mother of one child. You have the rights to celebrate and embrace your pride in your son. As other's noted if you have DH put on this 'family' ring you risk having to stop wearing it if DH and you were to part. Then your prized 'family' ring is , well garbage to you for the remaining years you continue to be a 'mother'.

Same with the photos. Schedule an appointment and do pictures of just you and your son if that's what you really desire. If me, I would have several poses done and invite DH and SD. One of you and DH, one of you and son, one of DH and SD, one of the entire family and perhaps one of DH, you and just son along with one of just the two kids together (these kids will be siblings for life even if you split with DH).

If you are including DH's birthstone on the ring then you should include your stepdaughter. If you get divorced DH's birthstone will be of no use to you either. Or you could get a ring with just your bio's birthstone and exclude DH and SD. DH and SD are a package deal.

To the point you made about what if you and DH divorce & then you have SD's birthstone on your ring - if that happens, you won't want DH's birthstone on the ring either.

I think maybe you just don't want SD's birthstone on the ring, & I think that's totally fine. I don't have any kids yet, but I have seen the rings you are talking about & I always wanted to get one (when I have kids). I plan on having my birthstone, DH's, and my bios. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or leave anyone out, but fact of the matter is, SD is not my bio child & I would only want my bios on that type of ring. It is what it is. I say do what you want. You're the one who has to wear it.

I admit I've never wanted any ring or other jewelry such as this, but if I wanted one, I would include my SKs, most definitely if DH were included. Otherwise, I would consider this one of those things that is off limits to SMs, just like having your DH's first child & all of those other things that we won't ever get to experience b/c of the SKs. Excluding SKs would potentially cause so much hurt and hard feelings that I would not think it was worth it to have such a ring. Now, if I did not care a bit if I hurt SKs or what they or my DH thought about it, then obviously, I'd go right ahead and get it. I admit I DID buy MY mother a ring with her birthstone, my birthstone (I'm an only child) and my oldest DS's birthstone (b/f DS #2 was born.) I would never have thought to include SSs, but my mother did not spend that much time around them, and I'm sure she's never worn it around them. (In fact, that was about 10 years ago, and she's only worn it around me a couple times.) IMO, I think that's one of those sentimental things that sounds cool but then just gets thrown in a jewelry box, like a high school class ring. I also will add that, I think sometimes things seem more significant when we can't have them. lol

Also, I can really relate to the photos issue. My SSs were 5 and 4 when I married DH almost 15 years ago, and we had our first DS when they were 7 and 6. For about the first 10 years of our marriage, we NEVER had a family photo that the SSs weren't in. We waited until we had them every time we wanted photos. Now we WOULD get a lot of different poses, including one of my and DH's 2 DSs by themselves, and I would get one of just the 2 SSs and send a 5 X 7 to BM. I always wanted a family photo of DH, our DSs and me, but I knew it would not be right. However, as SSs became teens, they STOPPED visiting. As a result, they were never around when we took photos. DH resisted all photos for a while during that period. However, he finally came around, and we have since had a family photo just the 4 of us. In the meantime, we've started seeing SSs more and have had a family photo with them as well. But they are now 18 and 20, pretty much grown, which makes it different. When they were little ones age 6 like your SD, again, I would not have had a family photo without them due to fear of hurt feelings.

I think everyone has to make their own decisions in their situation. I know it's SO difficult. Please know that I'm not judging you one way or another, but just giving you my thoughts as someone who's been there. I wish you all the best!

Take a picture of you and your kid and put it in the bedroom. With digital cameras you can take a hundred shots and pick the one you like. Set the camera to high resolution and have someone snap away with a quilt or sheet as a background in your garage. Make printed copies at any Kodak booth.

Tell hubby that you're getting a ring with the birth stones of yourself and your kid and would he like to include his stone on the ring. Now its his problem.

If he gets pissed tell him you'll add your ex instead, give him a real reason to get angry.

I totally don't get all the comments saying that if BS has a stone on the ring, SD needs one, too. Like, really, totally don't get it. Sure, she's his daughter. Does he also have a mother, sisters, nephews? Not everyone he's related to needs a stone on the ring. This is YOUR ring, and I'm not sure why you even need him to okay it before you have it made. Get it, and when he asks about it, say, "Oh, yeah, isn't it neat? It represents our son nuzzled between his loving parents. I'm so happy and proud that I found the perfect man to be his father. Thanks, honey. Love you. :)"

My mom has a mothers ring, it doesn't have my dad's birth stone on it. Only me & my sister.

Is this a ring for you or for him?

If it's for you, do whatever you want and don't tell him, as it would open the doors to say "well what about s-kids??" If I'm doing a mothers ring for myself, I just want my DD and that's it!

If the ring is for him, I would think you need to include his kids. They are still his offspring and he loves them.

As for the pictures, I would take whatever pics I want with my child and no one will stop me. Even though they are my stepchildren, they do not call me mom so why should I have them in there? Same with the ring for myself. Just do it and don't consult with him

She's 6. She doesn't know what a mother's ring is. She'll never get offended by it or know what it means unless someone explains it to her. Tell your DH that and tell him there is nothing wrong with you wanting this. It's not like it's a photo where she'll feel excluded, potentially, if she saw that she wasn't in it; it's a ring.

Well this happened to me and we didnt put her on it.I actually had nothing to do with it.BM never allowed me to be called SD stepmom and SD wasnt allowed to say my name in their house from when SD was 3 until about 12 or so and no DH didnt leave BM for me. Shes just a nut and insane.

DH surprised me with a family ring and SD wasnt on it. SD had no idea what it was-she was 8. My bitch
MIL said what about SD? And my 1 SIL that is a huge favorite in DHs family- the only one out of over 20 family members that ever supported us back then said SD has her own mother and her mom has a ring with her on it with BMs other kid and husband. BM doesnt even want to acknowledge her as a SM or a person- why cant sickof it all have her own ring? That shut MIL up quick. DHs family sucks though cuz if me or DH said it they would have argued that we were wrong.

But yea we dont have SD on and it was never brought up again and it would really upset me to have her on since we have no relationship with her anyway.I wouldnt wear it if she was on it.

Not your spawn. There is no reason why you should have to put Skid birthstones on your ring. That is not excluding them. It just recognizes your marriage and your child.

If you feel like you must, get a small pendant with the stones for each kid in it. My mom has a bracelet that has all of her GKs stones in it. That includes my SS who is our only child and my brother's 3.