DH and I were up until 2:30 this morning arguing about SS. I'm letting him sleep, unfortunately my kids didn't give me the same luxury. I'm firstly so furious, because when I found out about the culprit, knowing it would bother me, I took my chill pills, and they worked beautifully. We went to bed, and I was ready to turn in for the night, and he woke me up...I started thinking about it again, and man was I wide awake.

So here's the deal: All last weekend, SS11 was begging BM to come to our house to play with the new XBox One. She said no, and we got txts all weekend about how much he hates her, and how he refused to get in the car when she picked him up from school etc etc... DH and BM are not on great terms, civil enough, but asking her to trade a little time is completely out of the question right now. So SS comes home to us Monday, and DH lets him stay up playing the new console till God knows when, and even "sleep" in the basement where the console lives. He does this quite a bit, but never on school nights, until now. The next morning DH informs me he's letting SS skip school, to sit and play with his new toy even more, and now I'm annoyed.

DH and I agreed that I need to stay out of the discipline role with his kids, because BM has so badly alienated me, it was just being thrown back in my face, and in therapy we agreed DH would take care of all that stuff. So after huffing and puffing I start doing bills, come to find out XBox one costs $800!!! You have got to be effing kidding! So annoyed turned into rage. We fought quite a bit about it Monday, but things calmed down... "Not my kid, not my problem" is my new mantra when things that bother me go on.

So yesterday....there's a letter in the mail for parents/guardians of SS. We were on our way out with the 3 little ones, while SS was going to stay home, in the basement, with his new expensive toy and order pizza he bought for himself with money he "earned" by selling things on craigslist. The letter...is his report card. I was all ready to just get in the car, but DH wanted to open it in my presence. And I said "Wow, doesn't seem he really deserves to have his own pizza while he does nothing but play with his new $800 toy, does it? Took my chill pills, and we went out.

When we got home DH told SS how disappointed he was with the report card. We've been asking him how school was he says fine and gets all his homework done at school during a study hall. And by this method he got a B in PE, B- in music, and the others: C+, C, C- D D and F. TO make matters worse BM is convinced he has aspergers, something every counselor and school professional disagrees with. But he sure knows mom thinks this. He's also allowed to stay up to 2-3 in the morning with SF and his buddies, playing video games with them, swearing and doing who knows what else. Every teacher every year has said the same thing: he has the capability, the effort is what is poor. He doesn't try, and he distracts other kids in the class. He's very smart...and I think he's manipulating to get away with as many video games as possible and as little school work/chores around the house as possible. These grades are nothing new, just a new system because he's now in middle school, so they look the way they've should've looked all along.

So DH asks me what it is he does do right, because now he's the worst father in the world. He told me I'm holding a lot of animosity against his son, and he's worried that if he comes down on him he's hate him and want to live with BM full time. If I say nothing, things around here will be pretty peaceful. SS will stay in the basement, doing whatever he wants, and fail out of school.

What upset me was his "punishment" to his son, for lying, and blowing off school was "if this happens again next quarter, you'll lose video games for a month." and off he went back to the basement. I told him, if one of my children pulled this kind of crap, the XBox would be the first thing to go...in fact the basement all together would go for at least two weeks, and then every assignment that got a B would earn 30 minutes playing time, and every A would earn and hour. And I would do it that way until the next report card, and then reassess what needs to happen next. He said that would take way too much policing. He thinks it's too harsh, but at the hour said that's what we'll do, but I need to relinquish my position as "stay out of it" step mom, because he'll need help with it. I have a very bad fear SS will end up dropping out and doing nothing with his life, but selling crap to make money, and piss away the wonderful brain he has. I have told DH again and again, he can do that at his mother's, because I'm not supporting any child who does that. And he smiles and agrees, but now I'm not so sure he genuinely agrees, because he honestly doesn't believe this is the path his son is on, when he knows very well it's the path BM and SF have taken. He thinks he has more of a hold on his son than that....I think SS has more of a hold manipulating him, and making him feel guilty. He has no reason to excel, because I think he's expecting daddy will take care of him forever.

I dreamt I was driving in the backseat through a street fair, and horse race horses were coming through, running over me. Advice please?