One day at a time
I hate the feelings I sometimes get being in a blended family.
Sometimes I do not understand why I feel the way I do, I came from a blended family, more than 1, but mine were dysfunctional....hmmm no wonder I struggle.
I guess it sometimes bothers me and I know this is going to sound so fuckin childish but when I see his youngest son playing with my older kids toys.
These are expensive toys that are for older children not 2 year olds. The little boy likes playing with my kds (mine are 8 and 6) but he also is 2 and picks stuff up, leaves it all over, and plays rough with the toys (of course cause he is 2). I want certain toys left in my kids rooms cause they are expensive (ie: $50.00 batmobile car). Plus not everytoy a child owns has to be for all the kids to play with. Somethings are just for that child.
I don't mind if he plays with them with my kids around but when those toys are taken out of their rooms without my knowledge or my kids it bothers me.
Boyfriend does not get it. He does not understand what my problem is. Why can't he play with them if he played with it the day before?
Maybe I am being anal. Maybe I just want my kids to have their own things and it not to be for ALL THE KIDS.
They have a huge playroom full of toys in the basement, but you see the little boy must look up to the older boys and seems to always want to be in their rooms cause they have cool stuff.
5 years from now will this matter? Probably not. This morning the little boy found 2 cars my kids left in the playroom and he broght them upstairs and started driving them pressing hard on them. I said "No no no" and I took them away. The little boy sat there wondering what the?????I felt bad cause I should have said "big cars go in the playroom, or something else, I was sick this morning and alittle snappy....
All these little things....sometimes I wonder if I lived in a "normal" home would these things be an issue? Would much of anything fizz me?
Why do the little things seem so magnified?
Why do I constantly feel alone in a realtionship.
Why do I feel it is him and his kids vs. my kids?????
Why do I feel that if I lived alone and had no expectations and just did everything myself that I would be happier cause I would not be waiting for someone to "wake up" and realize the responsibilities are for all the kids.
I hate complaining. But these thought wander and wander through my head.
I think it is time to go back to couselling.
I feel that - "alone" a lot.
I feel that - "alone" a lot. I don't have my own children and I always feel like I am not really part of dh's "family" with Creature. Like it is the two of them and I am outside looking in at them. He doesn't make me feel that way. He is very loving and attentive, but his kid brings me no joy. I don't have feelings for her at all. Not love, not hate. Nothing. So when she is here and he thinks she is cute or he wants to tell me something cute that she said or did, I just stare at him. I try to look interested, but I literally feel nothing. It is a sad feeling. I thought if I had a family of my own, it would change things, but I'm not sure that will ever happen.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
I used to like hearing about
I used to like hearing about things and enjoyed them but when it is all someone talks about it gets old fast. I could really care less.
Now he tries to include stories about my boys but I don't care, he does not know them like I do and his ideas about them are not always on target.
He acts like his 2 year old is the most cutest, smartest, child. Of course I probably felt that way about mine too. It is the tunnel vision that happens when his kids come. Again, I could care less, it really does not feel like a family at times.
I feel like pulling away...I feel like runnning...I feel sad today...Can't seem to get a handle on my emotions.
I hate to complain...one day at a time