I don't now where to start. My H has 3 kids from his first marriage. We get along with BM and her new husband and the kids. BM has custody and we have visitation.

My issues/frustrations are all financial, and, unfortunately we have joint accounts. I'd like to split the accounts but don't know how to even start to bring it up without starting WW3. I love the kids, but the amount of money I have spent on them....I feel like I'm being used. I make more than DH. When we first met he made a little more than me, but since then I have gotten better jobs/promotions and he has stayed with the same company making about the same with no benefits.

When DH and I started seeing each other, he and BM were in the process of selling this house. BM told him she wouldn't pay her half of the mortgage anymore, and he couldn't afford the entire note on his own so instead of getting a new place together we moved into this house. I hate this house. I hate that I am paying on a house that I didn't pick out, in a neighborhood I don't like, and I hate knowing DH couldn't pay for it if it wasn't for me.

I've also paid for the kids health insurance since we've been married. For the first 2 years we were married there were no other kids, now we have a daughter as well so the rate is the same if I cover one child or all 4. I've also covered everyone on dental (only to find out that BM hasn't taken them to the dentist since the divorce).

Every weekend that kids are here H gives them money. Sometimes its money for babysitting, but mostly it's money for the mall (20,30,40...whatever makes him feel like a big shot I guess), but I'm starting to resent it. I mean, Since we have joint accounts, I helped pay for the TVs he financed that are over at BMs house (plus the other debt he got from the divorce), the HDTV he had when we met, the plasma he just had to have 18 mos ago and he's already talking about getting an LED TV, the most expensive cable/Internet connection that he just has to have, the 500$ vacuumm...I could go on and on.

Writing all that out makes me wonder why I didn't start resenting it earlier, but really this month Things seem to be coming to a head. We are getting out of debt. Finally. I got a promotion and raise and that with our tax return is going to pay off our final credit card balance. Yay, right? Well, now SD needs braces so he's agreed to pay for that. OK, I understand her teeth are jacked up. A couple hundred a month for a year or two wont be too bad, but then I suggest a vacation for 2012 to a place I have been talking about for 5 years and the response I got? I want to go someplace less expensive and take all the kids.

All of these things separately are reasonable, but shit! I didn't just go through 5 years of working for the devil to get where I am to not be able to go on a vacation to the place I want to go. It makes me want to tell him to pay for all his shit himself and I'll take DD on vacation alone.

I know we're a family and all that crap, but damn it why can't I get my fucking vacation when its my fucking money!?
Im just really sad about this tonight, and I don't think I can handle a rational conversation about this without breaking down crying. If you made it this far, thank you.