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Follow up to Father's Day

newmommy05's picture

I know its a few days past, but I had an issue about Father's day. So I made a collage of DH and DD's pics that I have taken throughout her 17 months and gave it to DH for his present. He was surprised and said it was the best he's ever gotten since being a father. He's not a very sentimental person so he doesn't take pictures himself or keep anything to remind him of things, so unfortunately I'm going to be the one that puts it up on the wall so he can see it. DH had also planned to work that day and since we live far away from our dads we don't really have any family around to spend the day with. It makes me sad that DH puts so little importance on this day, he did the same for mother's day. I didn't get a present, card, flowers or even a "Happy Mother's Day". I was determined to try to start implementing that we celebrate these special days now that DD is a little older to start a tradition. Now, SS has never been with DH on Father's Day since he and BM split up (when SS was 2.5), he's now turning 9. Anyways, so he's never gotten a present, card or phone call on that day.
So last night, I put the collage on the fireplace for now until I find a spot to hang it up on the wall, DH looks at it and says to me, why isn't SS in it? I just looked at him and said "its not my job". We didn't really talk about it after that but I think DH was a bit hurt. But am I right to say that? SS is not my son, he doesn't even spend much time with us for me to ask him if he wanted to do something for his dad for Father's Day. Father's Day is about acknowledging and thanking the "dads" in our lives. I gave him the collage from DD and myself to show him all the good times he has spent with DD in the past year and half and how much DD loves him. SS doesn't acknowledge our birthdays, Christmas or anything. He doesn't write/make cards, presents, etc. He's turning 9. When is a child old enough to put a little effort into making something for the parents?

SMof2Girls's picture

I think if the child isn't being taught that he needs to do those things for his dad, then it's not really his fault. At 9, he should be able to put effort in. My skids are 5 and 7 and they spend a LOT of time on projects for dad. But I also encourage them and give them ideas; help them when they need it. Is anyone doing that with SS? I'm assuming no. So I don't think it's fair to blame the kid just yet.

I can see your DH's point .. you want to make a point to start celebrating these "holidays" and making traditions. Father's Day is about being a father. If he has another kid, even if it's from another woman, I could see how he sees the flaw in your logic. You don't mean to celebrate Father's Day .. you mean to celebrate him being a father to your child.

I think the "it's not my job" reply was probably a bit harsh considering the context of the conversation .. I would have replied with something a little less blunt if I were you .. but I don't entirely disagree with you either.

It's hard to navigate these situations sometimes.