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frustrated bc of nosey x

notdivorcedlady's picture

I am totally frustrated by the fiancee and the x. the divorce trial is now delayed another 2 years due to covid and the judge still allows the x wife to have the joint cc and checking account on top on her huge alimony. My issue is that she is allowed to view all his individual credit cards and accounts and we have no privacy. She can see where we eat, waht we spend where we go ect.

she has no life and can not move on and will not go to a mediator and no amount of money is good enough and she lives to stalk us.

I cant live another 2 plus years like this with the delay. We have been together three years and met 1 year after he filed for divorce.

tog redux's picture

Why is it delayed TWO YEARS? That's insane. Your SO needs a better attorney.

At the very least, if you are going to stay - use your credit card and he can reimburse you.

JRI's picture

Could he apply for a new credit card with a different compsny?

notdivorcedlady's picture

no she subpeanas everything and there is zero privacy

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Perhaps your fiance should get a new attorney, and try to use only cash for a while?

shamds's picture

to inflict misery on her exhusband for the audacity to think he could divorce her!!

my husband had an exwife like that and even though she has her daughters bullying daddy to hand over more assets, assets he bought with his money after they divorced. It never ends. She maxed out his credit cards every month even during the divorce and he was left with the bill

its made my husband not want to give in to her because of all the crazy shit she caused. I find it ridiculous when they’re separated that he still needs to afford her luxuries vias a credit card indefinitely and to wait 2 yrs is mind boggling!!

Rags's picture

This was the tactic that the SpermClan used for much of our early legal battles.  Not a smart game to play with Miss organized, full records, ultimately MBA CPA that I am married to.

She beat them at their own game.  They tried to push the courts to use my income to set CS with in addition to DW's income while thinking that they could limit consideration for the SpermIdiot's income using a ton of sob stories.  So, we went full data mode on them, hired a PI, caught him on video several times accepting cash payments for work he did on the side using the tools and resources of his employer and we also built a case that his parent's income should be considered for calculation of CW since they were trying to attach my income and they were significantly supporting the SpermIdiot and his children without any financial participation from him.

Grilling him in court on his bills, income, etc, etc, etc.... worked great because he had zero clue what his rent was (he lived rent free in a property owned by his parents), had no clue what his CS obligation for either my SS or out of wedlock spawn #2 (of 4) because his parents paid it all for him.  The Judge did accept our motion to consider the SpermGrandParent's income for CS calculation while diasllowing mine because SParent income is not included in the financial calculations for CS. Though considered the SpermGP's income was not used in the calculation of CS because CS went up by more than 600% with must my DW's income and the SpermIdiot's income.  The reaction from the SpermIdiot and SpermGrandHag when the Judge accepted our motion for consideration was classic.  We quite enjoyed that.

Unfortuneatly SpermLand allows for an income reduction credit to be applied to the NCP's income in order to provide relief for the NCP when the CP household StepParent has a significant income.  They always received the maximum allowable credit due to my successful career.  Though irrirtating that they received any benefit from my income, it was insignificant since even with the maximum income reduction credit the impact was to lower the SpermIdiot's CS obligation by $50/mo

In our case, the subpoena everything tactic applied by SpermGrandHag ultimately backfired because we easily provided overwhelming volumes of information and demanded the same from them which they could not provide.  So, they got a major case of the hairy eyeball from the Judge who praised my DW's professionalism and organization in presenting extremely complete information.

Just because the toxic opposition attempts to manipulate does not mean it cannot be effectively countered by the good side adopting similar but superior tactics.

Good luck.

Cover1W's picture

The judge "allows" joint accounts or requires them? That is not even reasonable in any sense. It's always better to immediately separate finances upon separation. I cannot imagine this, esp. if the ex refuses to separate the account (must have bith parties approval in most cases as I found out when discovered my ex had not done his part on an account!). Another poster stated to just start taking out cash...good idea! And if he opens a separate account and she calls it, so what? He'll have to declare it anyway. I'd separate finances immediately so it's clear he's not using that joint account and it's all her transactions.

MissK03's picture

So he filed for divorce 4 years ago, delayed another 2 years? Needs a new attorney. That's not adding up AT ALL. 

SteppedOut's picture

This. 

They can't make him stay married forever by rediculous continuances - yet this is what they are doing. He needs a new lawyer that won't allow this to happen. 

Sandybeaches's picture

There are several things wrong here.  

first and foremost sharing accounts and expenses after they have separated.  In most states you only need to be separated to not share expenses.  While he might have to pay some maintenance and at the time of the actual divorce preceding turn over documents showing income expenses etc.  he should not have to still be sharing a bank account.  If there are expenses he is Responsible for great keep enough money in that account to cover them and open a new account for his own personal expenses.  

What is the X's story?  what does she not work?  have other income?  If she does work turn it right around on her and look at her bank records and credit cards and anything she has .... what is good for the goose, is good for the gander!!!   Expenses should be separated commencing January 1 of the year after they separated.  Income tax is even done that way.  This makes no sense at all.  He needs a smarter attorney to let the court know that this is unreasonable. 

As far as the court date.  Really?? they already know it will be 2 years out? His attorney needs to draw up some kind of legal separation to take care of this ... 

I am not saying that he may not have to pay some expenses while they are fighting this out in court but I have never heard of someone having to share bank accounts and credit cards with someone they have seperated from and they are in a legal proceeding with.

Sandybeaches's picture

While she may subpoena it SHE STILL DOES NOT HAVE ACCESS TO IT!!!  He will need to declare everything anyway but this way she can not take any of his money or see what he is spending it on, on a monthly or daily basis.  The court is backed up 2 years remember that so she won't be able to get it for a while and as often as she can now!!

hereiam's picture

the judge still allows the x wife to have the joint cc and checking account on top on her huge alimony. My issue is that she is allowed to view all his individual credit cards and accounts and we have no privacy.

This really doesn't make any sense. Any person, married or not, can have their own checking account and credit card, in their name only. They are obviously considered separated, as he is paying alimony, he should be able to close the account, if he is the main card holder. If she is the main card holder, he just needs to stop using the card and get his own credit card.

If she will not agree to take his name off of the checking account, he should tell her that if she does not agree to take his name off of it, he will empty it. He can legally do so if his name is on it. My DH had to threaten BM regarding this exact thing. He was too nice to take any of the money when she kicked him out (even though half of it was his), but she knew he meant business when he demanded she go to the bank by the end of that business day (something in his voice, I guess). And she did.

Something sounds off.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Something is not adding up. If your fiance quits using the joint accounts and opens a new one in his name alone, a judge cannot force him to add her to the account. She might be able to subpeana the records of the account as part of the divorce process, but that is different then it being a joint account. If it was truly a joint account, she could use all the money and he would be liable for anything owed. He could do the same.

If he doesn't want her to see his records - then he should start using cash. He needs a better lawyer. I can't imagine how expensive this kind of divorce must be.

Rags's picture

How about going to a cash based operating model?  Do not deposit anything into any of the accounts that is not specifically ordered by the Judge, do not use any credit cards that BM can use and make sure that all charges on those credit accounts adn cards are hers.

Go to paper payroll checks from all employers, cash them upon receipt, put the cash in a private safety deposit box and pay all bills with Casheir's checks or money orders including any CS not specifically already taken from direct payroll withholding.  Use prepaid debit cards instead of true credit cards, load them with only the money needed fir specific transactions and spend the debit card balances ASAP.  They even have single use prepaid debit cards so once they hit $0 you can just shred them and get another.  Staying with cash keeps the opposition out of your business. Bills, mortgages, rent, utilities, etc, etc, etc... can all be paid by Cashier's Check or Money Order via snail mail or payment can be wired to the accounts that you are paying on via  wire transfer services that you can pay directly to the wire transfer service in cash. Effectively eliminating any trail once the paycheck is received.

Before online banking and electronic management of finances the world and economies worked just fine with manual systems.  They still work.

This would cut BM off from all information since there would be no money any any accounts she could request statements for. It definately would be far less convenient but if the goal is cutting BM off from all information that is none of her business, or limiting the reach of the courts into your life and finances it is a perfectly effective and viable strategy.

Just a thought.