Has your SO ever lied to you about one of the skids?
About a week ago we are all sitting at the dinner table and talking about ss9's upcoming birthday. SS9 said while at moms party I want to do this and this. At the party here I want to do this and this. I asked him why he was talking about two separate parties since we had always done them together? Both ss9 and ss11 said because BM said that dh told her that their would be no more parties together. :? DH never said this. We didn't out right call BM the liar that she is but we made it clear that DH never said it. Two days ago BM texted and asked if we were doing the normal get together for ss9's b-day. DH showed me the text and I was like what the heck? Call her out on it! DH responded what the boys had told us about the no mixing of parties any longer. She responded that's what I was told and I will respect you and orange's wishes for me not to be at your house :? DH then responded who told you that I know nobody in this house told you that? She responded that the kids need to realize that they are divorced at some point. Dh responded yep your right. I thought BM was just being her normal manipulative self rolled my eyes and went back to cooking dinner. I asked DH later if BM had ever responded back and DH said no.
Last night I saw on Dh's phone that he lied to me. BM did respond! She said ask the boys who told me that? And then one that said ss17 told me that.
I know why dh lied to me. The last time their was an issue about this sort of thing I told dh that I sometimes feel like we have spies in the house and I don't feel comfortable in my own home. I was crying and very upset. He knows I'm stressed and I haven't been sleeping. SS17 has also been creating a lot of issues and stress. See last blog. I haven't said anything yet. My question is do you think I should? Or should I just suck it up and deal with the fact that my DH will tell me half truths so he can save face for his son. I feel so alone in the midst of all the liars and manipulators. (Even if the lies and manipulation are for good intentions). I feel like a fool for thinking that I could join this family. I knew it would be hard, but I didn't know it would be this hard.
Unfortunately it is SOOO
Unfortunately it is SOOO hard. You have to choose what you want for you. I can tell you after having been with DH for last 13 years the children will always come first. Money will be very tight because of BM demands. We split everything in half but lately he hasn't had the money to pay his half of household expenses. I write a check to him for my half of bills and trust that he will pay them. I never looked at checkbook until recently and see additional checks made out to BM and SS of which I never knew about nor did he provide any reason when questioned. We don't speak to each other civily or lovingly anymore, we sleep in different rooms, I wince when he just brushes by me and accidently touches me. My emotional reserve is empty. He wants me to attend everything for his family events and his children's events and I can't bear it anymore. I go to work to escape being with him and have forbidden him from calling me during the day.
So do what you need to do. It is an uphill battle if he and you are not the captains of the team in your home and you have the respect and authority over his children in your home.
^^ I deal with this type of
You can say something if you want, but I don't think it will change anything. At least it didn't with my DH.
Ya that's what I feared that
Ya that's what I feared that it wouldn't change anything. Thanks
Is DH going to address his
Is DH going to address his son's manipulations if you don't call him out on lying to you? That would be my only concern. If he wants to cover up after his kid, so be it. His son will be paying for that when he grows up and becomes a manipulative adult that people don't trust or want to be around, and it will be his father's fault. Right now however, the covering up affects you. If you SS is comfortable relaying this falsehood to his mother, what falsehood will he relay next time? And the next? Will the next lie be even more damaging?
I think I would have to let DH know that I know what SS did, so hopefully he won't be so quick to manipulate his parents the next time.
There are people who believe all kids lie, and it's just one of those things you should expect. I don't believe all kids lie. I believe dishonesty reflects poor character, especially when it's habitual. Poor character is never acceptable, and should be addressed. I don't think your DH lied because of poor character. I think he lied because he cares about you, cares about his son, and feels caught in the middle so he isn't using the best judgement.
ETA - Seems like DH isn't setting the greatest example of honesty for his son by lying to you.
You're right. You made so
You're right. You made so many good points on this I think I'll read it to DH when I talk to him. Thank you