Hate too strong of a word?
What can I say... I about believe I hate my SS6.. every fight/argument is about him seems like... We get him everyother week for a week and that has to be the worst week of my life replayed over and over again... he gets mad cause we dont spend $$ on him constantly (sorry hubby recently just got a job and off unemployment)... usually there is not alot left after bills, GAS, groceries... and if there is any its usually in my account and I'm over spending my $$ on him... In a heated argument the other day (because I guess I bought the skid some clothes) hubby says I am trying to buy ss love (mind u I dont buy him toys) Nooo Im sorry, I dont wanna see his naked a$$ is why I bought some new clothes... and besides the kid prob hates me for buying clothes instead of toys!! Anyway SS constantly gives me nasty looks and stares.. If I tell him simply "dont do that" he goes crying to DH like I've totally just went crazy on him... hello DH can be on the other room and I guarentee u if I yelled he deffinatly would have heard it.. So I get lied on all the time by SS for crap I havent said or done... all DH will ever say is I just wish u 2 could get along or I wish u would love my son the way u love me... well learn to get that little monsters attitude in check and I might just have some feelings for him... I went totally honest during the recent argument and pretty much told him how I feel and did it do any good???... Nooooooo... I even told DH I wish I had a 2nd job that way I wouldnt have to deal with SS whens he's here. I dont get thank yous for anything, no respect, no authority.. and Im about over it! DH says "well u dont repect him"... excuse me!? or I get the "he's been thru so much because of the divorce".. bullsssssst I went thru my parents divorce and NEVER treated either stepparent even half the way I get treated... Did I mention the SS never picks up his clothes???.. I keep kicking them in a pile in his room/bathroom wherever and when DH finally decides to bend over or make SS bend over they get picked up.. Im sorry Im not here to be the SS's friend or buddy or maid.. last time I checked I was here to be a wife to my husband and a stepmom but evidently thats not the case... ok thanks for reading I totally had to VENT!
Your "VENT" brought back
Your "VENT" brought back many, many of my own memories - living in a home environment very similar to what you describe above. If you love DH see if you can / try to take "three-steps" away from the drama of SS when it you see it is starting - perhaps go for a walk around the block. SS is, I am sure you can see, slowly destroying your marriage and love for each. Don't give SS the power.
I have very similar feelings
I have very similar feelings about SS14. Honestly, he is the source of 99% of our marriage issues. He's lived with us full time for 7 years. I hate being at home. It is an awful environment. He knows he controls the happiness factor in our home and loves to do so. He likes playing to other people that he is miserable and I am an awful person to him. I'm the 'awful' person that buys his clothes, cooks him dinner, checks in with his teachers, keeps a roof over his head, and does all of the things that his wonderful mother can't bother herself to do.
Well, sh*t finally hit the fan. SS decided he didn't like living with us anymore. He'd run out of second, third......tenth chances and his dad finally realized that I wasn't lying about what an obnoxious, lying, stealing, irresponsible human being his son is. My husband starting laying down the law AND backing me up when I did. SS went crying to his dear old mom that abandoned him on our door step. She decided that she needs to step in because we are being too hard on her baby.
Good luck lady.
Honestly, your situation will not ever get better, and it will more than likely get worse. You need to decide now if your love for your husband is enough to get you through the next 12 years. If it isn't, leave now. I feel like so much of my life has been wasted on this obnoxious child and by some miracle his mom (that lives over 1,000 miles away) decided she wants to give it a go. If that hadn't happened, I probably would have ended up packing my two biological children up and leaving. Yes, only 3 more years until SS graduates, but I can't take it anymore.
I have a problem with this
I have a problem with this from your post:
"all DH will ever say is I just wish u 2 could get along or I wish u would love my son the way u love me..."
This brings back memories of when my DH and I first got together when we were "dating" and he used to tell me that all the time about SD. In fact, he somewhat expected me to love SD. It's not a fair or reasonable expectation of you, and will only cause further strain because it seems you're just not emotionally ready to develop any feelings for SS6 at this point in time.
You need to be very upfront and honest with him and communicate clearly how you feel about this. I had to do it and let DH know that, while I certainly could work on a relationship with SD (at my OWN pace, on my OWN terms), there was nothing written in stone that said I had to love and adore HIS child. I didn't expect him to adore my BD, but I did expect both of them to be tolerant and respectful of one another, just as I try to be with SD8 (though she makes it INCREDIBLY difficult and most of the time I'd rather just avoid her) to the best of my ability.
When you can, sit down with DH and talk to him openly about this when SS6 is not around. Do not allow him to force you to be stand-in-mom to his own child and let him know you're open to working on establishing a relationship with SS6, but it must be on YOUR terms and at YOUR pace.
He thinks its an automatic
He thinks its an automatic thing... we have tried to talk... more like yell cause it starts as talk but never stays that way cause he is sooooooo deffinsive. This child has not liked me since day one and I pointed that out... he was like your right cause he was up my ex-gf butt all the time... well I guess she had a playstation up there then, cause nothing else would interest him... thats what I was thinkin anyway lol. DH thinks that I should have an automatic love for his kid... not gonna happen with those snotty looks and lack of respect to me!... the only way he even agnoligizes Im here was at xmas cause he wanted gifts.. when I mentioned goin to see the monster trucks at monster jam... or anytime he thinks i am goin to get to go do or see something.. then he might act like I am someone.. other than that its lies and snotty looks.... but there is no "talking" about it... thats hopeless... his child is perfect and I should love it just like he does... GET REAL
Here is how I explained it to
Here is how I explained it to my DH. I will LOVE your son. Love is an action. Love is doing things you'd want done for your own child. Love is making sure that the child is well cared for, provided for, and given opportunities. Love is being willing to make sacarifices for his child in my time and finances. Loving my step-child is part of loving my husband.
I will, however, choose whether I LIKE your child or not. Liking my stepson has to do with my willingness to spend EXTRA time with him. It has to do with my willingness to include him in EXTRA social opportunities. It has to do with my happiness when loving him. It has to do with the support I get from my husband in raising and disciplining my stepson. It has to do with the attitude and actions of my stepson. It has to do with whether my stepson is a 'likable' person or not. While I provide for his needs financially, I am not required to provide for his wants.
I will make every effort to both love and like my stepson, but I reserve the right not to like him. My stepson knows my expectations of him and he knows the issues I have with him. I do not 'like' my stepson at this point. I still 'love' him however. I feel as my husbands partner, I have to do the love stuff. I do not, however, have to do the like stuff.....neither do you.
why is it that it is always
why is it that it is always such a battle. Jeesh....The kids will never be normal because the bio moms don't want to get along and the fathers dont get our feelings..what the hella re we supposed to do as stepmoms?
one good thing is... theres
one good thing is... theres no child support where he is here one week and with the b!tch-ho the next and she never calls during the week (and neither does SS).. her week is her week and DH's week is solely his.. SS never asks to call either parent while he is at the others house... idk why but he doesnt and neither ever calls the other unless SS has to go to the doctor for some reason that may affect SS having to take med while at the others... he rides the bus to which ever parent on Friday so theres no interaction with the Bio mom... during the summer his mamaw on each side takes him to the other mamaw.. that parts pretty great lol... now if DH understood what my feelings and every DH could understand we would all be doing better!