Holiday Schedule
I have a question about holiday schedules. We have 50/50 custody of sk's. We alternate Holidays. This thanksgiving is the BM holiday, however, it is our weekend. We will have the sk from Wed through Mon. BM is demanding that we give her the kids all day Thur and and she will return them on Friday "sometime". This is not okay with us as we also have plans for the weekend as it's tech our weekend. We told her she could have them Wed night thru Thursday at 4:00pm. This gives her an extra day plus most of the day on Thanksgiving. She said NO she is demanding ALL day and night Thursday, returning them on Friday. The parenting plan does not dictate times only days. So my question is can we demand she bring them back by 4:00 or 6:00 at the latest? IS there a reasonable amount of time (like 8 hours or so) on holidays? BM makes demands like this all the time and frankly we are tired of always giving in to her. She forgets that she is not the only parent and thinks the sun rises and sets on her demands. We are not trying to take away any of her time, but we are going out of town, have given her plenty of notice and she refuses to bend.
Also, I am concerned she will agree and then when it comes time wont return them. What are our options then?
We did send a letter to our attorney asking what we should do but haven't heard back from her. We live in NC.
Actually he wont get the same
Actually he wont get the same benefit. We had the same issue last year but it was her weekend, our holiday. We got the kids for 8 hours and had to transport both ways. Oh yes, that is another issue. She is demanding we provide the transportation to her home (over 1 hour away) both ways, because it's her holiday and we have the kids. Just for reference, she NEVER transports and when I say NEVER I mean not one time in three years has she ever brought or taken the kids to us. We do it all and if we don't then we don't see the kids. She just plain refuses. That is why this is so frustrating. She gets everything her way every time and we have to give in or miss our weekend with the kids.
so.....go get the kids for
so.....go get the kids for the weekend and if she wants them back home, she will have to come get them. Unless it says otherwise in the court papers????? We had the same problem. BM moved 4 hours away, she has SD EOW. We would take SD to BM then say she can't bring her home. So, we where traveling 8 hours in a weekend!!! We switched it up. Decided if she wanted SD on weekend, she could come get her. We would go pick her up! Works like a charm.(long story short, BM found boyfriend online in CT, she moved there, we are in CO, she didn't see SD for 5 months, now she got fired, boyfriend kicked her out and BM is now living back in CO about 20min away and DH has decided, since she has not paid child support in almost a year, she can start doing ALL travel or else!) lol
We would even be willing to
We would even be willing to do 9:00 pm but she wont do that either.
We have delt with this in the
We have delt with this in the past as well. It took a ton of phone calls between the 2 parents but it always worked out. Our biggest thing to throw out there when the BM's didn't wanna "share" is, stop thinking of yourselves and think of the child. Give them the best of both worlds and don't have them miss out because one of the parties is being stubborn. The one parent should think, "We can have them all day and allow them to enjoy the time with part of their family here and I will return them at 8pm Thursday night so they don't miss out on the trip as well." It's all about not having the children miss out because one party is too stubborn.Hope this works! If anything, maybe be excited for a trip with just the 2 of you for a change?????
Sent her a text that said she
Sent her a text that said she could have them until 9:00 pm if that would help. She said NO, that we would just have to miss our thanksgiving out of town or she would keep the kids the whole weekend and we could forfeit. How is it right for us to have to miss Thanksgiving at my families because she can't bring the kids back at 9:00 pm? Also, we asked if we could just pick the kids up at 9:00 pm on Friday, giving us time to have dinner out of town with my family on Friday and still getting kids for the weekend. NO again. We have to pick them up by noon or not get them at all. I fricken hate her. She is only doing this because she knows I have to travel to see my family and wants to punish me.
What time do you have to
What time do you have to leave friday? Maybe, let the kids go Thursday night, that is how visitation works in CO it goes by the overnights, but come friday morning, go get them! Tell the BM by court order, friday is YOUR day with the kids and you WILL be there at ???? 7am???? with court papers in hand OR ELSE! Not that you want to have the police escort you to get the kids because of the kids, but you can also just have to Police Officer call her and not show up at the door with hope she will keep her yapper closed and not let the kids know you just involved the Police.??????? That way the Police can enforce the court order. And, if they say, "we will not get involved because it is a civil problem" Tell the Officer he is wrong and he is to enforce the court order.I am a Police Officer and I cannot tell you how many time's I have heard one of my fellow Officers say that to a parent! As for you missing out, DO NOT give her the satisfaction! Flat out tell her, "I know you are trying to punish me, but it's is only punishing the kids. I AM going, it's up to you if you decided your kids are to miss out."
The court papers say nothing
The court papers say nothing about transportation which is why we have done all of it up until now. We will tell her, if she wants them then she will come get them. Once we figure out when we can pick them up, then we will go get them (provided she is somewhere to be found). My DH said she is spending the holiday with HIS family which is 4 hours away and this is why she is doing this. She can't have them back Thursday night and is so stubborn that she is demanding we get them at noon on Friday or nothing. I pray our attorney will tell hers and we can get this resolved. It's just like her to mess up every thing good. Every time we plan something, she finds a way to try to intervene and mess it up. one way or another, I will stop her this time. I will just have to make sure to where my angel halo while doing it instead of my devil horns
On a side note, I don't understand this either. My ex and I have the same split 50/50 and never have these issues. We both know the kids come first and refuse to fight over something so childish. My kids are very grateful for this as they see their step-siblings go through hell because of stupid parents. My poor SK are the ones to suffer and tell me and their Dad they wish things could be the way it is with my ex. I feel so bad for them which is why BM gets her way so much. It's easier than putting the kids through so much drama all the time.
We were planning to leave
We were planning to leave Thursday night when we got the kids back. I am sure I will have to cancel if she is allowed to have them overnight. On drop off and pick up days it's noon and we will have to follow that, which is why we are fighting so hard to get them back Thursday. If we don't get them at noon Friday, we will have to forfeit the whole weekend. The sk would be so disappointed and I'm not sure I can do that to them. They go through so much already and LOVE coming to our home. It's their safe haven. Maybe my heart is too big but it looks like we will give in for them yet again. But it just pisses me the hell off and I have to talk to adults about it. I can't tell them and of course we never tell them how much we give to have them. If we did we would come off looking like BM and they don't need to be put in the middle all the time.
I still would not cancel!
I still would not cancel! Either, sadly, go without them... :? or....hope the lawyers work it out.... She is a control freak and as long as you are feeding into it, she will keep doing it. So very sad to say, the kids know you are going on the trip, if you go and the kids have to stay with BM, yes I know, SOOOO hard to accept, then the BM will have to hear the heartache directly from the kids over the weekend they are missing out on. There is no greater impact then hearing it directly from your own kids. Don't take this as I am saying, USE the kids! This is just the way it has to go sometimes in the blended family. Your in a tuff situation for sure. But, always know, you don't have to tell them all that you go through! They know it already! Kids are smart and sneaky like that!!! LOL.
Don't ever ever take them to
Don't ever ever take them to her again. Make her start to work to get them.
Bm is going to YOUR HUSBANDS FAMILY THANKGIVING? That's messed up.
Exactly. NEVER take them to
Exactly. NEVER take them to her again!!! She can come get them from your place, and you can go get them from hers. Fair is fair.