Honest Opinions/Help Please
I need some honest opinions and help. If you think I am being crazy then please do say so.
I know that since I dont blog most of you really do not know my story and I apologize for that, I just do not have the time to do it. But in this case I don't really think its going to matter.
We are supposed to have SD's 3 weekends a month Thursday evening - Monday morning. OSD13 does not come, hasn't for over a year now and has used every excuse in the book (CO states the girls cannot be forced to visitation). YSD11 only comes to see us about half the time and when she does its always because she wants something, which drives me crazy...but what drives me even more crazy is the fact that the whole time she is with us she is on her phone texting with her mother. I know from past experience that she is telling her mother every single little detail of what happens in my house.
This weekend is our weekend to have SD's and YSD11 will be coming tonight (we will take her home Sunday morning to be with her mom on Mothers Day). Saturday evening we have "kid free plans", we don't do this very often and when we do its usually just for a couple of hours. Our plans for Saturday evening will probably only have us gone 2-3 hours but that will mean that we are leaving BS13, BS12 & SD11 at the house alone. I know without a doubt that SD11 will be on that dang phone telling BM every single thing and I said as much to DH...he doesn't care, it doesn't bother him one bit. KNOWING that there is no telling what lies she is throwing in there he doesn't care that she is constantly texting her mother.
PLEASE tell me, am I crazy for letting this irritate the hell out of me? Am I crazy for thinking that it is her weekend with her father she should not spend every single second of it texting her mom? (when my boys go to their dads I send them 2 texts a day, "good morning I love you have a great day" and "good night I love you") Am I crazy for worrying that her text messages to her mom are going to start shit like they have so many times in the past? Am I crazy for being a little peeved at DH for not putting a stop to this? Should I really just try to let this go and not care? I hate having a spy reporting my every move in my house!!!
Our boys don't have phones
Our boys don't have phones for texting each other back and forth but the BM tries texting my DH to ask for the boys to call her when he gets them 4 days a month. Lol..Pretty ridiculous if you ask me. I don't see why BMs think they have to know everything. Oh and you're not crazy.
but that will mean that we
but that will mean that we are leaving BS13, BS12 & SD11 at the house alone.
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This stood out to me first. And I am not sure how to explain this....I would not leave two young boys and a younger girl at home alone like this in a step situation. Mainly to protect your boys.
We see it here all the time. BM whispers in skids ear that maybe something inappropriate happened while the skid was being watched by two young boys. And then JUST the accusation can ruin lives all over the place. (Just something to think about).
As far as the texting goes...hard to say. Has DH ever talked to her about it?
See, that is one of the
See, that is one of the things that is bothering me. The girl lies constantly and I told DH that it bothers me to leave her there with the boys and he is not concerned. As far as DH talking to her about the texting, no he hasn't talked to her about it because it does not bother him like it bothers me. He knows that if he does say something to her about it she is going to argue so he just doesn't say anything. That is not how I raise my bios, heck it is not how HE treats my bios. I do not argue with children, if I tell one of my kids to put their phone away, they do it because they know if they try to argue I will take the phone away.
but that will mean that we
but that will mean that we are leaving BS13, BS12 & SD11 at the house alone.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
This stood out to me first. And I am not sure how to explain this....I would not leave two young boys and a younger girl at home alone like this in a step situation. Mainly to protect your boys.
I am 100% on board with this
No, 1,000% on board with this.
And I agree, there is very likely nothing at all going on that any parent should be concerned about.
Be worried about what SD is texting to BM, not about you, but about made-up crap about your innocent sons. Sounds like a PASing BM to be that involved with her kid while kid is at Dad's. It isn't healthy to be that connected. Be careful.
that is one of the things
that is one of the things that is bothering me. The girl lies constantly and I told DH that it bothers me to leave her there with the boys and he is not concerned.
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Who gives a crap if HE is concerned about YOUR boys. You need to be concerned! And you said SD lies constantly. DO NOT LEAVE YOUR KIDS ALONE WITH HER. Not even for a few minutes.
Read around on this site and see how common it is that kid/skids are making up sexual abuse about step siblings! Protect your boys.
^^ This ^^ Reschedule adult
Reschedule adult night. Not "because of the SD" but for your sons. Frame it however you have to in your mind, but don't leave them home alone together. That girl is a false police report waiting to happen. And DH will never believe his precious snowflake will make something like that up.
I agree I wouldn't leave the
I agree I wouldn't leave the three of them in the house alone. Can you get a babysitter?
As for the texting, nah, let it go. Who cares if she's texting? If you're worried about SD telling her mom lies, not letting her text certainly isn't going to change that at all. And honestly, I've heard smoms bitch about BM sending their kids daily (let alone twice daily!) text messages on "dad's time" - to them, YOU would be the Problem BM. It's all perception, is what I'm saying. The texting doesn't affect you and doesn't bother your DH. Let it go.
We have a strict "no cell
We have a strict "no cell phone rule" in our house. For various reasons but SD texting BM is one of the reasons.
We have also sat SD down and explained to her that if we hear back from BM that she has been going home and sharing our personal business then she will not be allowed to come anymore. For months every single time SD went back to BM's, BM would text SO within 20 mins bitching or commenting on something that happened at our house. I lost my shit and told SO that I wasn't putting up with it. I do not feel that I should have to not worry that whatever goes on in my house is going to get back to BM.
Sheep - do you do this when
Sheep - do you do this when their friends come over too? Do you take the friends' phones? My DD14 doesn't have one, but I never thought seriously about her friends' phones who stay over. DH actually mentioned this once, funny he would never take SD's.... He said yeah why not the parents all have our numbers if they need something.
I personally wouldn't allow
I personally wouldn't allow SD to be left alone with any male in my family if she were the liar you say she is. Have you left them alone before? Did anything come out of that? Oh and if her phone sends pictures she will have a ball in your house. Mine took pictures of my credit card statement to show BM.
When OSD13 was still coming
When OSD13 was still coming to our house they would be alone after school for about an hour, and this caused MAJOR problems as she(OSD) called BM one day and told her my boys were beating her up so BM went to our house and removed the girls without us knowing it. Come to find out my boys had not even touched her but had been in their bedrooms the whole time. Since then on Thursdays after school YSD11 goes bad to BM's and DH picks her up on his way home from work that way they are never left at home alone together. And all of this is my reasoning behind hating the cell phones and hating the idea of leaving them home alone this coming Saturday.
Nope tell SD she has to go
Nope tell SD she has to go with her mom Saturday. IF DH won't then you stay with them. Your boys are your responsibility.
Just make other arrangements
Just make other arrangements for SD. She can stay at a friend's house, go back to BM early, go visit grandma... whatever you need to do. Don't miss out on the rare occasion of adult time.
Woman's intuition is a pretty fascinating phenomenon. Don't be one of those woman who "knew" but thought they were being crazy. You feel something because something is off. Trust your instincts.
The phone isn e the problem.
The phone isn e the problem. Leaving your sons alone with a girl who lies is the problem. One good lie mixed with an overzealous children's services worker can cause you to lose your kids. Your boys can end up labeled sex offenders.
It's crazy to focus on the phone instead of doing everything you can to protect your children. Leaving your boys home alone with SD is CRAZY.
Thank you to everyone who
Thank you to everyone who commented and offered opinions and advice. I have decided that we will either have DD22 or DS20's girlfriend come to the house to stay while we are out. I am not going to take the chance with SD11. If it was a Skid free weekend I would have no problems leaving DS13 & DS12 home alone for a couple of hours as they are home alone for about an hour every day after school and will be home alone during the summer and I have never had any problems, well nothing more than a messy house when I get home. But I am just not willing to leave SD there with them alone.
YAY! I'm so so glad to hear
YAY! I'm so so glad to hear this! I hope you have a wonderful night!
If it's her weekend with her
If it's her weekend with her Dad, and Dad isn't there? Why is it so big a deal to you? I mean, really - you and dad don't seem to care it's her weekend with him. Why should she?