Hoping disengagement will save my marriage
I've been partially disengaged for a little while now. I pulled back from disciplining and nagging about hygiene issues. I was only doing things for stepkids if I felt like it.
This past weekend I put on a really awesome sleepover party for SD. I knew I wouldn't get a thank you but wanted to do it because I like putting on theme parties and biosons are all past that now... Anyway, SD12 was very rude to me in front of her friends and basically shit on the party. It pissed DH off as much as me and we talked to her about it after. She looked upset but didn't apologize or thank me. DH and I agree that this is the last party we do for her. I'm also not doing her Christmas shopping. I spent days and days shopping for her last year and she was rude about that too. It's just time to step back and stop trying.
I'm still dreading SD coming tomorrow. I also know I'm going to continue having a hard time not saying anything about annoying behavior.
I'm hoping I can make this work. I don't know if my marriage can stand much more. I'm already having a hard time separating my feelings for DH from my feelings for SKs. I also find it difficult to not let the disengagement/ distancing feelings I have for SK spread to my feelings for DH.
Divorce is always in the back of my mind. I hate this. DH is the love of my life and I want to have the feelings for him I used to have before they got all clouded up with frustration from his kids. I also want to be happy and I'm starting to wonder if that's even possible in a stepfamily????
I did a Harry Potter theme
I did a Harry Potter theme and it really was cool! I transformed our dining room into the great hall and set out platters of themed food.
Last year for Christmas I spent many shopping trips collecting all kinds of craft materials and bought her a really nice (and expensive) wheeled case to hold it all. She was rude about it and acted disappointed even though she used the stuff all year long. I had ideas for this Christmas that I know she would have liked but I'm not going to spend the time collecting everything again just to be shit on because it's not good enough. It really hurt my feelings and I'm not doing it again. I'm not doing any more parties either.
What really pisses me off is her BM doesn't ever do anything for her birthday. We've done every party and the ones we've had since I came on board were all the stuff of little girl's dreams. It's the rudeness that really gets to me.
It's just hard to have two sets of rules in the house and hard to stay disengaged with their behavior.
I just hope this works to release the stress. Everything else in my life is going so well but I dread coming home and I REALLY dread the days SD is here. I'm trying to give it until spring before I make a decision about leaving. That's the game I play in my head - I'm always trying to just last a few more months. I'm always hoping my marriage will get better. I guess deep down I don't really believe it will though. Disengagement is my last hope. If this doesn't work I'm done.