How to deal with DH's feelings
I think some families has this problem just like me.
Every time I gave lecture or get mad at my SD, my DH gets upset. At the very beginning we fight over it a lot till he realized he is not doing it right regard of her daughter's misbehavior. He started to stand on my side to educate the kid together. Sometimes he is fine, sometimes he got upset. It makes feel very bad, because for us two, we can get along well, but every time we fight over with his gaughter's issue. We became ugly to each other which is the thing I really don't want.
But if I should keep silence for my step kid's misbehavior to avoid the conflict between me & my husband, or avoid him being upset. I can't stand it because how should you to see a kid behave in a wrong way in the house and to not speak out?
I know some people said it's DH's responsibility to educate kid. But everyone is different, my husband never speak it out right away when he see the step daughter doing something wrong. He just keep it silently. OMG! It's your own kid, how hard to be to teach her to be a decent person???
So every time when my husband get upset after I give lecture to my step daughter I really feel bad but what I can do? Waiting for him to educate her? It will never be happen without my request.
From my experience, I want to say never and ever spoil your kids even she has lost her mom or dad, it's another story. But being a normal decent person, every parents should take their kids like they are rised as other normal kids. Otherwise, she will be damaged and give trouble to this society or you for a lifelong time.
bf and i always fought about
bf and i always fought about sd---and nothing else. it took 5yrs before he saw the light about sd's behaviors. before that, he would get pissy with anyone who tried to make him realize how his 'princess' was. he defended her to the death. of course, his epiphany came way too late.
"every parents should take
"every parents should take their kids like they are rised as other normal kids. Otherwise, she will be damaged and give trouble to this society or you for a lifelong time."
Yes. It's hard to get DHs to realize that they're doing more damage than good by coddling their children. It's not like you should let them run free all the time. Just let them know when they've crossed the line. Otherwise, they end up lazy, entitled adults.
I told FDH at the beginning
I told FDH at the beginning that I expected basic respect from SS5 at all times, he didn't have to see me as mom, call me mom, love me like a mom, but he did have to treat me with the same respect he would a daycare provider or Sunday school teacher, if not then our relationship wasn't going to work. I told him if he didn't want to parent his son and try to raise him right then as much as I love him our relationship will not work. We might be able to date, but I won't be able to live with him or be his wife. I expect the same things of my son. He is to respect my FDH as an adult in his life and if he can't, then I can't blame FDH if he doesn't want to put up with it. It isn't always easy, but we are both working hard at it and it is working.