how do you deal with the flip flop?
I'm finding that my SS17 seems to flip flop in his feelings towards me. he is polite, we get along fine, he mostly includes me instead of acting like his father is the only authority figure in the house, until a switch seems to flip that is. Things will be going fine, then over a couple of days he will ONLY talk to his Dad, even for generic stuff....Hey Dad this....hey Dad that....Dad, dad, dad...constantly. All the while I am standing right next to them and start feeling invisible and start wondering where did the kid go that used to act like I was part of his family? Especially then when he turns his back to me and say's "hey dad, I'm going on a walk". Instead of just saying to both of us standing there "hey guys I'm going on a walk" like he would most likely do if I was his biological mother standing there. I have been with his dad for 5 years (spending most weekends and even taking vacations together), and living together over 1 year. When this happens, I'm feeling that while I am lucky enough that he likes me, that underneath this is a sign he is resenting me and trying to shut me out at times, that he really doesn't consider me part of the family no matter how close we have been over the years. Is this common? Not sure if I am just being over sensitive?
Nah - nothing personal...
Nah - nothing personal... he's a 17 year old hormonal male....
simply ignore it..... my own bio did it at a stage.... and i figured if I did something to piss you off, bruise your over inflated ego, then simply tell me Mum I did not like this or that... but you choose to ignore me so be it...
belief me if you ask him.. why did you ignore me on that day - he will play stupid and say No I did not... then you bruised his ego and he will ignore you again...
simply ignore it back, it passes after age 19, more or less }:) }:)
If he is avoiding both of us
If he is avoiding both of us I would understand. Being a stepmom, and I'm being the only one that is avoided and having a back turned to is why I'm taking it differently than just regular teenage stuff.
nah ignore it Hon...... mine
nah ignore it Hon...... mine use to do this when my parents where close, he would straight out ignore me and talk to them, but my father use to tell him.... ask you mother she's right there... he would simply keep on ignoring me and walk away.... I would only laugh and told my Dad, it's fine....
Do not take it personal, he's a snot and he will remain one till age 25 latest...
I think it's a thing of, he likes you but he feels he is disrespecting his parents if he shows it, he's thinking if I show I like her dad will get angry.... blablablabla... teenagers are all from hell, regardless if they are bio or step
This is not unusual. I
This is not unusual. I remember feeling all huffy about my sons'' ingratitude when they were that age. Expecting them to exercise social graces is a losing battle...better to ignore the drama (and that IS what this is) and let them grow back into real humans around the age of 19-21. If they are going to ever respect you, it should be happening consistently by about 21 or else you can write off that hope. I recall being amazed by how I suddenly apparently was so much more likable when younger son reached maturity.
A wiser relative once said, let them "try on different faces" because it is how they learn how they want to be.as adults. I,don't realy think any intervention is helpful, but your consistent kindness and ignoring the "ignoring" will avoid ruining the relationship with them.
Your feelings, truly, are the last thing on a teenager's mind. They are mostly totally self-absorbed. Their egos are fragile. Too much nagging and they turn off. Ever met a middle aged man like this LOL.
About the "not ignoring his Dad" I always thought this was a part of male bonding and identity...all boys need a man who teaches them how to,be a man. This could be what your BF is instinctively doing now, and he might occasionally remind junior to,show respect to the other adults present. However, reminding him in front of you could be something dad avoids to not make it confrontational. Imremember a lot of triangulating from those days. My DH had to constantly get "tough" with them but choosing the battles was key. Not too many battles are possible..
This makes sense. I don't
This makes sense. I don't want him to confront him. I guess it just feels crappy to me as the stepmom. His older sister used to do the same thing to me, before she had a fit with her Father, moved out, and acted like an a$$hole to me and her dad. Maybe it's my paranoia he will go down the crazy entitled princess path too