I am a happy BM of my three children(16, 13, 9) and a SM of SD 7 (not so happy at times:).
Anyway, I want to tell you what I have learned here and how I deal with my exhb having a gf since a few month.So she is kind of the childrens SM, even though they don't live together:)
Since many here are sm who suffer from BMs who treat them badly I really want to make sure that I respect SM.I think she is a sweet person who really likes the children and the children like her.We have each others phone numbers and do small talk but don't interfere into each others business.We offer each other help.I from my side respect that she is not the mother (she even has a toddler herself, which is exhausting)and I don't take for granted what she does for the kids next to what their Biodad does.Knowing that SM have it difficult at times I asked the kids to buy her flowers and chocolate for her birthday with a lovely card since she takes on my kids the 25% off the time when they are in dads care.
Things with Exhb are mostly ok these days (I think also due to her influence, lol), but he is the only reason why she and I can't become friends, but I nevertheless like and respect her!
The other thing I want to mention about the BMs here and hopefully raise a bit of understanding is, that a separation or divorce almost always causes anxiety about loosing the children, having to share them with the ex etc.Although that affects both partners, for those women who were the main care givers and stay at home mums the impact is probably bigger.
If BMs are sometimes seen as clingy and too overprotective with their children they are maybe the female version of Disney dads, driven by fear and guilt. I am not saying that this is ok or right, just wanted to put some light on the BMs perspective.I also suffered anxiety after the divorce and can relate to some of the feelings BMs have.
Anyway, good news is that sometimes things are getting better and easier.ST helped me a lot.