I hate my life

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I love BF. I really do. When his kids are not around, we get along great and are generally really happy. But Damn his kids, or better stated, the 3 out of 6 kids that we get on a regular basis, are flippin evil!
They, and the way BF handles them have made me a miserable drunk bitc$!
I never drank more than 2-3 time a year and that was socially. NOW I want to drink all the time just to deal with all this. My 12yo twin boys BEGGED me to spend the summer with my parents so they could get away from their step bother and sisters. My BD3 is terrorized daily by these heathens. I am just so depressed. Cried for most of the day till I decided at 7pm to start drinking.

I am sorry you are feeling so

I am sorry you are feeling so down. Can you get away for a day or so? Any family on your side that you can seek refuge with? I like the saying " If you are going through hell....keep going."
Drinking is a temporary fix, but whatever helps in the darkest hour...

I think you need to

I think you need to concentrate on your bio kids and if that means you get out, you get out! Do you have somewhere you can go?

I also love my bf, and he is doing so much better, partly bc I basically told him I cant stand how he is when his adult kids are starting their crap. Like you, when they are not texting or calling, my bf and I are fine. Right now, it has been 2 weeks since we heard from any of them, and it is SO NICE! I have my happy and fun guy around. Their texts/emails/calls are always a problem though, bc it is always always always DRAMA and asking for money or something expensive. We do not hear from them unless they want something. They are nasty, rotten people.

I don't know how you deal with 6. Good Lord. Your bf needs to wake up now. This is not your fault, he needs to step up. If he won't, I hope that you can find a way to leave, so you can save your sanity. This is not fair to you, or your bio kids.

Awwww, honey... please don't

Awwww, honey... please don't go down the road of alcohol dependence; that is really just letting these little a-holes get the best of you! Your boys and your girl deserve better than that, and SO DO YOU. Just focus on POURING your effort and attention into them. You can do it. Please don't cry.

P.S. "Step bother" = best typo ever.

I identify with this

I identify with this absolutely. I had become alcohol-dependent over the past year as my relationship with my SS deteriorated to the point that he moved out in January. His leaving didn't really improve things, though, because he moved in with my husband's first wife's family (she is deceased). They evidently talk crap about me nearly every day (the SS told me recently), and now those waters are poisoned. I get it from all angles. I'm not even related to those people, and yet, they have been one of the most toxic influences on my marriage. I turned to alcohol as a means of escape, and I was having 3-4 vodka drinks every night. Every time I went out with the girls, I would get hammered, because I hate my life! I hate what has become of me.

Today, the SS came over so I could confront him about the most recent pack of lies he's sold his relatives, and in that conversation, he told me that he doesn't like me, that he cried when his dad told him he was going to start dating me, that he resented it when his dad took him ring shopping, that he really didn't want his dad to get remarried. Then, he followed that up with: it would have been okay with him, though, if his dad had found someone who looked like his mother and acted like his mother. I am nothing like her, though. When I pointed out how selfish that idea is, he said "yeah?!" As if it was totally acceptable to put his desires first when it came to choosing a wife for his father! As if he should have some sort of say in the matter! As if he could somehow reconstruct the past.

One week ago, I made the decision to stop destroying my body, though. I had to wean my body off the alcohol, under the advice of my doctor, and today is the first day in many, many months that I haven't had a drink, and believe me: TODAY FREAKIN' SUCKED!!!!! So I just want to tell you, kaseynboys, I feel you! But don't let them beat you! Your own kids and yourself are worth more than that drink can EVER give you!

I am so sorry...believe me I

I am so sorry...believe me I feel like that MANY times...here's what I do that helps me TREMENDOUSLY!

I FOCUS...no, I HYPER-FOCUS on MY KID...that's it! That means I could care less if I look decent, or even if I took a freaking shower! I just spend ALL MY TIME and energy with MY kiddo...we read books, we lock ourselves in his bedroom, we play games...I take him to Walmart and we just walk the aisles talking and looking at stuff...that's it! Believe me that many times I have wanted to drink...but at the end, MY KIDDO would suffer...not that I don't need a drink every once in a while... but, don't focus on drinking...instead, go out with YOUR kids, play games with YOUR kids, do everything with YOUR kids...if your DH complains, tell him that you need time to focus on your kids...or better yet, as I tell my DH..."whatever".

This relationship is tearing

This relationship is tearing you down.

You need some distance. One of your blogs said your kids wanted you to go visit the grandparents. Can you do that. Just pack it up and tell husband you need some mental health time. You love him, but those kids of his are bringing out such hostile emotions that you're jepardizing your health to deal with it.

And then go.

Go and get so much needed alone time with your kids. Don't worry what BF is doing. Concentrate on yourself and you kids having a good summer.

You don't want years down the road, your boys saying to you how miserable you made their childhood.

Let those boys have a childhood, let them have the fun they deserve this summer with their grandparents. Pack it up and just get going instead of being in this dismal evnivornment killing your liver and awful beahvior coming out of you that your kids will never forget.

It's got to be you that makes the change here. Hopefully BF will give you money, will allow you for some healing time. and really get away from all the craziness.

The first couple of days, just breathe and enjoy the time with your family and kids. THe next few days, evaluate your relationship and is it work saving.

If the answer is no....start looking for a job close to your parents. You'll need the family support should you end the relationship.

I feel so terrible for you. I went through what you did, it never got better. My husband's kids are "obligatory" nice for the moolah. They do nothing for him nor do they care how he feels.

Don't let this happen to you. Take some time away and find some peace. You've earned it.

Thank you for all the

Thank you for all the support. My boys are in Illinois with my parents and have been for nearly 2 months. I miss them like crazy, but they are so happy and having a wonderful time.

I am leaving him at the end of September. I just can't afford to do it sooner.

Just need to survive this crap till then.

Hi again, now I remember your

Hi again, now I remember your situation w/your boys being gone for summer vacation, and you wanting to move back towards your parents. Could you at least go visit them for a weekend before September?

I wish! We have $60 in the

I wish! We have $60 in the bank. A 6 hr drive each way with these gas prices?!?!? Not gonna happen.

I know all to well the

I know all to well the "Drinking to Cope" strategy. I do it every single day. Every time DH ask why my drinking has picked up I explain and he tells me I am making up problems in my head. My parents even see that SS9 is an evil heathen who needs a good juvenile detention center in his life. DH is oblivious to the misery the child causes. My BS6 is starting to act like SS9 and I am not going to have it!

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