I have no where else to turn.
I had an absolutely miserable day yesterday. My SS is in his 30s. I'm no longer married to his dad. He did some things that were really crappy to my DD last winter that were just nails in the coffin to our relationship, as far as I'm concerned.
A little background: A close family member has holidays at her house. She is the only one with a house that accomodates holidays. We have a very small family (6 in all). Family member has birthday dinners for her mom and son at her house. Also for me, because we're close, and she knows my kids (both in their mid 20s) aren't going to do anything for me. This year, my DD asked if she could have a birthday dinner. Let me explain that I pay for the dinners; family member supplies the home and the cooking (I help with the cooking). Anyway, its kind of a pain in the butt, because DD's birthday was yesterday, and its tough with the hecticness of the holidays to squeeze the birthday in, but since it seemed to mean a lot to her, family member agreed. About a week ago, DD starts saying that she wants to invite her half brother. I said no, we don't do that. Its just our side of the family. Family member doesn't invite her half siblings; family member doesn't invite her son's half siblings.
Saturday night, at the dinner, my phone rings and its SS; I don't pick up and put my phone away so there won't be further interuptions. My son walks in (he arrived later because of work commitments) and says Half Brother is on his way. I asked him why he invited him, and he said he didn't know he wasn't supposed to (I guess the last 100 times I've told him not to didn't count). A couple of minutes later SS shows up, grilling me about why I didn't pick up my phone and asking my daughter why she didn't tell him about the dinner (obviously, he is unable to take a hint)
So, now she says I made her look bad to her half brother and she's mad at me. This will be the last party she has, as far as I'm concerned. I bought the food, I made the arrangements, I ordered the cake from the special place she likes. She couldn't even be bothered letting Family Member know what she wanted to eat for her birthday dinner, so that was left up to me, as well.
I'm done with my kids. Family Member had recently moved, so I didn't think SS would be showing up any more.
What's the next step? Inviting their dad and his gf to our dinners, too?
I'm hurt by my kids actions, and I'm considering just not spending holidays with them anymore.
This isnt fair.... Your
This isnt fair....
Your damned if you do....and your damned if you dont....
The worst thing about skids...is they enjoy saying horrible things about you to your Bio kids....and your bio kids have a terible tendency to believe them....
try to see things from that perspective.
Then I think youll find repairing your relationship with your bio kids may start falling back into place...
im so sorry for you.
I'm just so over them. I
I'm just so over them. I don't know how these kids are even my DNA. Maybe they were switched at birth?
She says its her party.
She says its her party. Well, obviously I've done something wrong, because she doesn't understand the simple rule of etiquette that you don't tell the host who to invite.
Its a family dynamic. My
Its a family dynamic. My home isn't large enough to entertain, so we have it at Family Member's house. I pay for everything (except when it's Family Member's son's bday. Its not supposed to be a big event, just dinner with our immediate family. No one invites friends; no one invites their kid's dads; no one invites step siblings. Its just something we do to celebrate as family. I didn't say (or Family Member, for that matter, who has a right to know ahead of time who will be in her home)I'm throwing you a big party - who would you like to come? It was the family dinner as is - take it or leave it.
I guess it also bothers me
I guess it also bothers me that she is never satisfied with anything. Everything is turned into a BIG DEAL when she's involved. We are all very happy to have our birthdays honored with a close knit group. She wants more. Ugh. Must get it from her dad's side of the family!
Is your SS her stepbrother or
Is your SS her stepbrother or halfbrother? I'm asking because if it's just her stepbrother I understand your position. But if it's her halfbrother that's still her brother and I see why she'd want him there. Most of my siblings are halfsiblings but I feel the same about them as I do my whole brother. I wouldn't feel right not inviting them just because we only share one parent not two.