We (F45, M52) have been together 10 years and are finally getting married. He has 2 skids (F26, F32) that have been handfuls over the years. They thrive on emotional blackmail where they don't speak to him for months and then text lengthy, blaming diatribes when he doesn't grovel to get them back. The younger one is also prone to tantrums when she's not the center of attention, especially during emergencies or major health crises (like with DH's elderly parents.)

On top of this SD26 is getting married 2 weeks before us. The dates are so close together because both SDs quit talking to us for months surrounding the engagement and they decided to postpone 6 months and scheduled on top of ours.

And this is my first wedding and I am having the full shebang. Dinner, dancing, cocktail party, the works. 
 

SD32 hadn't spoken to us in a year. DH's father died a few months ago. She hadn't seen Grandpa in more than a year, didn't call either grandparent and wish them a happy thanksgiving, and didn't even send DH a "sorry for your loss" text. Neither girl helps care for his parents, despite the fact that they took those girls in and treated them as their own. (DH adopted them when they were 2 and 7. They're actually BM's from previous relationships, but DH's family has always treated them the same as other gkids.)

So far I haven't been invited to participate in any of SD26 wedding festivities. I frankly don't care but it makes it pretty obvious where I stand. (BM and Her family and I get along fine. We're actually kind of friends, despite her kids' bad behavior.)

I decided from day one that I didn't want either SD in the wedding at all. Because of their history of fits when they're not the center of attention and tendency to withhold communication as punishment I didn't want to give them that much power over our wedding day. I didn't make a big pronouncement-I just didn't ask them to be in it. It's starting to dawn on his family, including them, that they're not involved.

SD32 has lied about DH, caused huge drama at a nephews birthday forbidding DH to participate and didn't even acknowledge his father's death. A fringe relative (pushy aunt) of his nagged her into showing up for gdad's memorial. She hung with her mom and her family and wouldn't speak to DH or I. She tried to play the sympathy card with other family members but it's wearing thin.

We didn't send SD32 a save the date card and currently we're not planning inviting her to the wedding. That's causing some friction in the extended family, including with my mother. They think we should invite her but if DH and her aren't speaking, I don't want him stressed out and upset about it with her sulking across the room during our wedding day. Originally I thought we SHOULD invite her to keep the peace but after she didn't speak at the funeral and hasn't responded to a few olive branches, I'm onboard with not inviting her.

what are your thoughts-invite her or not? Undoubtedly his family will have something to say about it, but ultimately, I just want minimal dram. (DH's extended family is a lot on an ordianary day, so I expect drama.)