I left last night.

Forums:

Went to a hotel. After a night of the SD9 SD11 and SD13 being total idiots screaming at each other over the playstaion and then trashing the kitchen after their dinner and leaving all their mess on the table, pushing their stools out and running upstairs to cause more mayhem I finally lost it. We were meant to watch a film jus thim and I and he went to get wine and when he came in he sheepishly looked around at their mess and started cleaning it. I said no, leave it. And he started screaming "OH what should i do? PULL them from their rooms to CLEAN UP? Oh yeah kids come down and pick up your few PLATES. Why cant you ever just leave things alone why do you have to ruin everything????????????" so you know the little sh*ts are upstairs listening to this probably hiugh fiving each other. I tell him what he is doing is divisive and its not going to help any of what we had agreed upon (him actually doing what he says) so he says 'they arent all up there talking about you they cant even hear you' like im crazy. So I went crazy. I chucked my plate of dinner onto the counter and it broke and he picked one up and threw it at the wall near my head and a piece stuck into my forehead enough to make a cut. So I got my laptop bag and phone and I walked out to this screaming and yelling about me being a C and B and I got a taxi and came to a hotel.

Don't do this. It is clear

Don't do this. It is clear from your post he threw it at the wall not at you just as you threw yours on the counter (not at him but yours didn't dislodge). Women shouldn't call false abuse just because they are pissed and might get away with it. That being said doesn't sound like this marriage is going well so may want to check out of it.

i was just as bad as him. if

i was just as bad as him. if it was a true victim thing then yes i agree, but we have both turned into monsters. its his house and his 3 kids i was the one who moved in with them so i will move out no problem.

i guess i didnt explain it

i guess i didnt explain it properly. i didnt hurtle my plate through the air like he did. i loudly flipped it onto the side near the sink and it cracked. he then proceeded to throw plates across the kitchen and smash them into the wall above my head. and there are many times i could have taken an RO on out him and should have but i didnt because i didnt because i was afraid he would lose it and lose his kids. now theres no difference, we will both end up losing it and he will lose his kids. so, im out of this one. i have a place to stay for the rest of this month (housesitting came just in time) and then what? do i just never talk to any of them again? how strange.

No I have no kids! Never

No I have no kids! Never ever thought I would end up with a man with three kids!! He has three girls 9 11 and 13.....they were 6 8 and 10 when we met - big difference. Their mother is a druggy loser who gave them to him when littlest was two months old he has had full sole custody since.

So yeah they are his children and Im sure being the selfish prick he is he will cry and get outragreously drunk and be selfish and they will be left trying to comfort their poor crazy father. but hey at least then no one will be nagging them to clean bathe or go to bed or eat dinner right

thank you for saying that x

Move out now. This situation

Move out now. This situation will never get better. He can take care of his girls seeing he knows sooo much more than you do. Enjoy your new space wherever that is and do not ever go back.

I get that birds of the

I get that birds of the feather flock together but the example you used to drive it home is the awful. "if all your friends and family are fat, you probably are too." Just wow.

" do i just never talk to any

" do i just never talk to any of them again? how strange."

That's your best bet. Break it clean and walk away. My 2 cents believes you have given this guy too much off a pass from he beginning. It's easy to blame things on kids. They are an easy target and handy excuse. But your SO and you are completely different in living styles and goals...even if he had no children.

He's an disorganized slob and he's quite happy in his mess, his kid's mess and all their commotion. It's what they are comfortable with and who they have always been. You arrived and tried to change that. He and his three kids are just not on the same page you are...and they never will be. If you haven't managed to make a dent in how they prefer living vs how you'd like them all to be and live in the few years you've been there, here is not going to be a some light bulb moment where suddenly Dad turns great parent and kids turn little obedient neat freaks.

So yeah, you're out now. Keep going. Make arrangements to collect what items are yours from the house and never look back. The world out there has so much more to offer you than this crap. Why settle? Sure you want a big house you can try to pretty up and take care of and call home. Most people do. But starting out fresh again may mean a single flat while you get yourself resettled and find your fresh start.

There is nothing wrong in how you wish to live, you just didn't carefully choice correctly when you picked this guy. I suppose you had hoe you could show them better and they'd gladly see the dysfunction in their ways of living. You gave it a go. It didn't work out. You're unhappy. They are unhappy .

Now get out of there fresh and clean and go find someone who already holds your same values and lifestyle. You're quite worthy of the way you do wish to have things, you just didn't find it with this guy and his ways. There's no rush. Take time to settle into a new place, enjoy being 'free' to relax and live a peaceful existence. Enjoy some social adult life. Mr. Right is out there, you just found yourself this time with Mr Wrong.

thank you xxx

excellent post and spot on,

excellent post and spot on, it's the realization of this that ended my situation, that was exactly like the OP's.

theres only so much progress

theres only so much progress i can make in less than 24 hours. i left. hes blocked on everything. im making arrangements now to move to the coast. i dont pay any of his bills in fact he pays some of mine. i sold my car because i dont require it in the tiny hamlet i live in when i work for myself remotely. i dont live in the USA where everyone needs to have a car. its different over here. why am i even justifying myself to you and your blanket statement viewpoint. never mind

ssshhhh, don't let her bother

ssshhhh, don't let her bother you...just keep going. The Coast sounds great. The more distance away from your recent past, the better.

Lots of females attempt to start breaking away and then chicken out or simply can't because of finances or the guy promises if she comes back things will be different. It sometimes takes a couple of attempts to actually build the finances and/or strength for some women to finally make the break.

Stay strong. Don't look back. Keep going. The Coast will be lovely.

thank u! financially we will

thank u!

financially we will both be ok apart so i know that parts fine. and where a few years ago id have been devastated about hurting the kids, i now view them totally different to the sweet lil things i knew then. they have outgrown their cute & innocence thats for sure. and yes its not the first time ive gone to leave only to hear bullsh*t promises, but back then i was a different person. since my mom died im less into all his dramas and crap i just want out

I was you once, not that long

I was you once, not that long ago..same exact situation, like exactly..*hugs*

My advice is simple..just stay gone. Write down every single incident, annoyance, kid fights, disrespect, mess, days ruined by the kids, the screaming, everything - no matter how little it seems. Keep this list with you and make copies, scatter the around your new place..read it and re read it ad nauseum..

Just stay gone. I promise you, you will look back in a few months and be SO happy you have a peaceful life. Literally take one minute, hour, day, month at a time.

Again, JUST. STAY. GONE Keep repeating that to yourself the next month.

Everything will fall into place in time if you just do that one simple thing.

signed,

Been there and now VERY happily on the other side, now with a wonderful child-free gorgeous 10 years younger fiancée, to boot (I am 49, it can be done..they don't ALL have kids) I figured I got rewarded for the past:) It will happen for you, too

JUST STAY GONE

Time for this POS to go to

Time for this POS to go to jail

Tucker, If you're in the UK,

Tucker,
If you're in the UK, don't bother involving the cops. They won't even approach the CPS about domestics with no witnesses. Been there, done that. It just involves a lot of stress, cop cars coming and going. Start fresh because you and I know over here they let abusers run free and try to blame the victim. For our American friends, the same ground rules don't apply except for the part about leaving now.

Better to get yourself to a safe place, and get help from social services if you are really on the ropes. If you're skint, they'll put you up in a shelter until you find a flat. Good luck.

If the guy comes after you, DO go to the cops and ask to speak to the Safeguarding officer. They will link you with a social worker to find a safe house.

Close that chapter of your

Close that chapter of your life and move on. Learn from this situation and make different choices in a partner next time. Put Disney Daddy's on your NO list and STAY FREE!!!

I have been right where you

I have been right where you are. Good job leaving. I have stayed at a hotel 8 times in the year and a half I have been married. It may be time to consider your role in the family. If your role is a servant like me, its time to go. Men need to value their women and we should be first before the kids bc guess what? one day those kids will have their own family and DH will be all alone without u.

Tell him you need him to decide NOW what he wants. Bc you cant keep living like this.

please do not go back, this

:jawdrop: please do not go back, this is over... you two do not belong together...

what you did wrong....
kids fighting over play station, you ignored it but you should've walked up to the play station, disconnect it and locked it up, saying.. if you can't behave decently you can not play... then ignore then

kids making a mess - DH come back and clean it, why would you care about this, you did not have to clean it, who cares if he cleans it for his children.... he will get tired of it and then tell them to do so, you had no right interfering in this, you wanted the kitchen clean... how it got clean does not matter... as long as you did not have to do so.

breaking plates like braat teenagers.. nope end this relationship, it's not good for any one

yes, much of the kids

yes, much of the kids behaviors are within the normal realm of that age and just need basic responses, i also did not get why she cared about him cleaning up after the kids, his kids his perogative to do so. I think she wanted to control the situation and it backfired because they both have bad tempers and immature ways of dealing with conflict

Acratopotes: I agree with

Acratopotes: I agree with your post; with that said, it is now a blown up mess.

Go forward with your plans to move away from the situation.

Nobody knows what they are walking into; in your case 3 skids with no BM is not a good start. You had no way of knowing how this was to turn out. It is no longer your problem and you are fortunate that you didn't have a baby with this man.

It is good that you don't have your own child to support.

I would cut my loses, lesson learned, and never look back. No contact, just let it go and make a life for yourself. If you have something you need that is at his house, make arrangements to have a friend pick it up, stay away from that house!

Good Luck and ((((hugs))))

You are here