I think I may need to just leave him..
I can't handle being around these kids (and their mother) anymore. Nor am I willing to put up with how differently my own children are treated in comparison to my skids. The hardest part about deciding to leave is that I truly do love my fiance. We have been together nearly 5 years and have a three yr old together. When his kids are not around, and his ex isn't calling/texting him to yell about something, we are great! We are very happy together.
Now it is summer.... My oldest two (12 yo twins) went to stay with my mom for the summer 2 states away. Originally, we were not going to have the skids (SD12, SD10 and SS8)for the summer because one of them falsely accused me of hitting her. Was absolutely not true. One of my children was in the car with SD10 and myself when I supposedly slapped her, and he also confirms it didn't happen. We BM believed her of course and to tell the truth I think her dad did to. When the kids found out they could not come here for the first 6 weeks of summer because of this incidence, she did a complete about face and said she had lied. (I never got an apology...FROM ANYONE!!) Although I was pissed and hurt my this accusation, I was sooooooo happy when I thought we would have them for the summer. I just finished nursing school 6/10 and am waiting to take the state boards to get my license. I was so looking forward to spending time with my 3 yr old, my honey, and visiting my parents for a week or so before going out and starting my career. Well, literally the night before I was to take my kids 6 hrs away to my mom's, where I had planned to stay for a week... my fiance gets the call that he can have them and they will be there Sunday night (this was Thursday).
Now THEY are here. Have been for weeks and will be for all of July. The oldest actually asked her mom and dad if they could stay ALL summer.... the answer they gave "we will see".
What sucks for me, is that I am home with them allllll day everyday. He works 5am to 5 or 6pm m-f and every other sat. The two girls are TERRIBLE to me.
Now.... I moved here from my hometown nearly 3 yrs ago so he could be near his kids. I hate this town, and pretty much the whole state. I very much dislike my skids, and I loath the way they treat me.
My parents are moving to their vacation home and are offering to let me have their 3BR house if I want to move back. I want to go so badly. I hate taking care of these disrespectful brats. I hate living here. But I love my fiance and we have a little girl who just adorers him. Also, I think I may be pregnant.... not sure yet, and haven't mentioned the possibility to ANYONE!
I really think I do need to leave. These kids will never go away and after years of trying, I know it will never get better... it has only gotten worse. I just hate to loose the love we have for each other and I don't want to take my daughter away from the father she loves so much. This is really going to hurt. I don't know how to tell him either. We are so good together, but he lets these kids walk all over both of us and I am not allowed to discipline them at all.
wow... lot of typos...
wow... lot of typos... sorry.. I meant "I was sooooooo happy when I thought we 'wouldn't' have them for the summer."
Have you two tried some
Have you two tried some counseling together to discuss why he allows them to behave the way they do? Or why you are not allowed to discipline them? I mean, you are with them all day, he is not, so you should be allowed to discipline them and he should back you up. Are you two able to have a conversation calmly where you could discuss these things and tell him you just are at your wits end, and something needs to be done or you are considering going? A good sit down with him, and then a good sit down with the brats to lay down the law with both of you backing each other up and a united front would be ideal. (i know, i know) --- been there, done that. But maybe if he knows you're at your wits end and ready to go, maybe he'll be willing to change and make some changes. My heart goes out to you -- I know how hard this is.
I would move back. He is
I would move back. He is gone from 5 til 5 and assumed that you were going to babysit all summer while your kds were gone. Did either one of them ask you if you were willing to do that?
If you stay you will always be an indentured servant for both of them. Get your life back and be happy.
Agreed
Completely agree with this. I am home alone all the time with my stepdaughter and my own kids. But my stepdaughter treats me like dirt and has no respect. I have been contiplating leaving my husband because of all this. I am not happy and we have to find happiness for us and our kids.
Many people on here,
Many people on here, including myself, have taken this step. At first I thought it couldn't be done, but I have done it and it was the right thing to do for everyone. Please read some of the posts on here and it may give you some clarity and help in your decision making.
Maybe you should move back as
Maybe you should move back as a trial, you are lucky that you have a place to go to that will be good for you and your child. You almost have your certification to practice nursing, you are in a good spot. Maybe when your DH sees how will you do without him and how much you do for him when he has to find a sitter and take care of his own kids it will spark a change in him, if not then you are already on your own to feet and be able to start fresh.
Move back! In no way should
Move back! In no way should you be accepting 100% responsibilty with 0% authority.
If you are their daycare provider, you must be able to set rules and boundaries. period!
If biodad does not agree with this b/c he's afraid of the repercussions from the BM,
time to pull the rip cord and bail!
You were never consulted on
You were never consulted on babysitting these kids. Hell no...Move back. I agree with the others. You are in a good place. Why should you live somewhere you hate with people that hate you? You deserve better. If he loved you, he wouldn't have just dumped his kids on you after what happened. He would be insisting on apologies and some punishment for this....
If I had that option, I would
If I had that option, I would take it. In a heartbeat. I vote for counseling - individual, couple and family. If that doesn't help, bail. Maybe once he sees the void, he'll straighten up. Or, on the other hand, once you feel the peace in a no-skid zone, you might say to hell with that situation. Life really is too short.
Get out of there!
Get out of there!
The truth is that somehow I
The truth is that somehow I know what you are dealing with because I only deal with one kid. For some reason his ex wife thought of me like I'm a maid. When his kid was at her house she didn't have the decency to wash his clothes instead they would bring me his clothes for me to wash.
One thing I can say is that sometimes the ex wife or our fiance or husband take us for granted only because they use as a shield that they had kids but we also have to fight for our principles, our rights and also our well being. We all the time try to understand and accommodate to him but what about us? We also have a place in this relationship specially when we have kids. Sit down with him and get counseling if nothing changes then at least inside of your heart you knew you tried for you and your child and if things don't work you know that you didn't give up as easy. Before moving do talk. Hope everything goes well.
Thank you all for responding.
Thank you all for responding. I think I know what I have to do. i am just not looking forward to the heartbreak and loneliness. Also.... my daughter loves her daddy soooo much. It isn't going to get any better. I have tried for years and I can't keep wasting my life in a miserable situation only to keep getting hurt. With tears and a mothers will.... I can get through this!
Thank you all again so very much. I feel blessed knowing I am not alone, and at least someone out there understands.