Reposting to hopefully break up the run on paragraphs a little at the request of a poster.

  So my last post was about alone time and how one of our only free weekends fell on ss birthday weekend. Of course I bit the bullet on that and understood. DH and I made it past .. and enjoyed ss birthday despite my continued feelings of always being a block of time that gets fit into his life with his son. So we got ss for 4 days the July 4th weekend. We got ss last birthday weekend.. DH spent time with him this week as the laptop I bought ss for his birthday came in midweek.. Dh picked him up, spent time and gave him his gift.
Fast forward to yesterday, BM texts DH and says "I have to go in for a c section can you get ss until Sunday?" So she's having this random child, still in a motel.. with no job that she just randomly asks us to switch up even though this is supposed to be our off weekend. We could've planned for her c section.. in advance.. so of course dh is moping around because he feels like his poor little jr is being neglected EVEN though he has a 14 yo daughter with her  that she has alienated from him completely... that we don't see at all.. so he feels like his jr is the one they always shun or treat differently.. ss plays into it..so Dh is literally moping around this morning about how sad his son must be.. and what do ya know? He's picking him up.. even though the bm made arrangements for ss to stay at his aunts house for the weekend after DH told her he "would see" in response to her surprise newborn on the way.
         I am just so tired of feeling like I exist around his worshipped namesake... what would it hurt to stay on schedule knowwwwwiinnnggg we just got through a rough patch over this? Why is it ok to say forget our weekends ...and double or triple up on ss weekends but god forbid we skip a ss weekend????????  Although bm struggles to care for the already existing kids.. she refuses to willingly give him to us because she'd be forgoing over 1000 monthly. We work our butts off and I can't help but resent the fact that I'm expected to turn a blind eye to the fact that the kid has learned who has the money and how to play on his dad.
    
  I get angry when he yells at our 3 yo for kicking the back of his seat in the car but does a calm talking to and gives allowance to continue to play ps4 when 10yo ss pees his pants while playing the game because he doesn't want to walk to the bathroom. I do resent the fact that my son from a previous relationship is grown now but when he wasn't .. his father took him across states with his family and I sulked for a long time... heartbreak.. and DH told me "he will eventually come back to you, you have new memories to make now, you have to love him from afar(which is usually financial)" I resent that it was so easy for him to "help" me get over my "baggage" from my previous life yet it's so hard for him to put the life we've worked on 1st. I almost want to tell him that maybe he should work on moving closer to his Jesus reincarnate and who knows maybe he can go back to putting up with a non contributing addicted bm for the sake of his jr that gets treated so "badly".
       Dhs reasoning for always jumping to bring ss over is "he's coming over but I love it because u don't even realize he's here, he's upstairs most of the time playing his games.." in reality .. Dh gets his weekend gaming going while I tend to my things around the house, meanwhile ss is barbarically running up and down the steps to go back and forth between our room and his room.. raiding my fridge and cabinets ... constantly coming whereever I am and asking questions and staring .. looking for anything I have that may be appealing to him and asking me for it.
      I don't show these feelings to ss I let him have free reign because dh feels he gets to "feel good" here and yea DH doesn't notice he's here because it's probably angelic music to his ears but all I feel is invaded space and mom brain. I have tried to tell Dh that our bio kid although makes me want a break at times to exists differently in our home space because HE LIVES HERE... I tell him if he wants it to be normal to GO FILE FOR CUSTODY SO THAT SS CAN BECOME A PART OF OUR HOME.... I'm tired of the child support and being a babysitter along with all haircuts and clothes and shoes because BM can't afford anything but she also knows dh will do so she'll send him over in lord knows what because dh will get the violin playing .."oh u need shoes don't you?" " here's a couple outfits" .. we have a free line on our phone bill that I wanted to put my iPad on for work.. probably going to ss .. so that dh can contact him WHENEVER .. oh and Dh will upgrade his phone so that ss can take his 2021 Samsung galaxy????
     Another thing bm doesn't have to worry about. Mind you ss has a tablet with service already that he talks to Dh on that the family that dh says treats king ss so differently bought him! He also just got the laptop I got him for his birthday. Meanwhile I'm just counting down the years until child support ends so Dh can pick up the whole mortgage and debating on how I can tell Dh I think he needs to go back to bm for the sake of his son. I thought when we move on .. yes it's not the child's fault but that if you can't put your relationship to the forefront at times you should just stay single and mingle. Why is it ok for me to learn to move on and make new memories BUT SS has to be included in ALL of ours at the sake of a moping dh when ss can't be around? When ss isn't here.. it's always reminiscing on what ss likes .. what Ss does... and constant communication... it's like I want to scream. In my previous post I mentioned picking up the cs slack: I didn't mean quite literally paying his cs .. I meant understanding  that I will pay certain things that he will pick up when cs is over because on his own he would struggle some. Please god I can barely hold back tears at the thought of going home tonight knowing that yet again I can't voice anything without him feeling that I resent his child. Please help