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Im feeling very over this relationship

georgina29's picture

Submitted by georgina29 on Mon, 02/12/2018 - 12:24pm

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Im so tired of this relationship and think I have fallen out of love for my husband. Ive watched for years now how he spoils and coddles his kids. Ive felt ignored, disrespected and invisible in "our" home. This year was hard over the holidays. I remember at Xmas my husband and his kids ran to open gifts as his family's house. There were many people over (his family) The kids were done eating (left a mess for me and his distant female cousin to pick up). My husband ran with them into the living room, sat down an depend gifts. No one even would notice if I was gone. I feel so low all the time. Ive watched my SS be cruel to the family pet, lie, manipulate, quit many activities that are already paid for out of laziness, fake sick many times to get out of school, only to watch his father defend his behavior. It is pathetic. I've watched my SD be very rude towards me, telling me I cant sit next to daddy, Im not welcome in certain places or around certain things, and she has big mood swings and tantrums. Neither child will even get their own water without daddy getting it for them. They are very capable themselves but refuse to do it. My step kids cannot swim (they have quit swimming lessons) and the oldest has just now learned how to ride a bike after about a hundred fake falls and cries for attention).On top of that my mother in law, although nice, is very invasive an over bearing. She calls the house 6-12 times a day even late a night and he's on the phone with her constantly, even if it is for short periods. Ive seriously considered leaving lately.

SAFjh's picture

Submitted by SAFjh on Mon, 02/12/2018 - 1:05pm

I'm sorry. Sad I have been feeling depressed lately myself. I see that you didn't actually ask for advice so I won't give any. I just know this kind of pain. Does your husband know you feel this way? I have tried to leave my SO many times over the years. I say 'tried to' because deep down I didn't really want to leave and so when she literally blocked the bedroom door to stop me I wouldn't fight my way through her. I guess I foolishly hoped that the demonstration of my frustration with the situation would show her that something needed to change but nothing ever did...at least not long term. That is because at the end of the day...in my opinion...bio parents must feel that partners are replaceable but their kids are for life and they seem to feel that kids come first. That may not be true for everyone but it's been my experience.

I am disengaged from my situation but in some ways that has only given me idle time to spend worrying that without my interference nothing will ever change. I would like to eventually have my grown Skids leave home and it just doesn't look like it will happen. Maybe I am worrying for nothing but over the years I remember predicting A LOT of things accurately. I said my SS was eventually going to drop out of school...he did. I predicted he would eventually find himself in trouble with the law...he did. I said he would eventually end up on drugs...right again!!! With a track record of being right about nearly everything I don't know how I am supposed to have blind faith that he is just going to change eventually and get a job and become responsible and productive...especially with my SO's approach to everything.

My SO told ME in the early years of this 15 year relationship that the kids wouldn't be around forever during one of our fights about them when I expressed specific concerns about her parenting style and that I was afraid she would raise kids who would never go out into the world because she wasn't teaching them any kind of independence. I was a fool and I believed her...or am I premature in saying that??? *sigh* I don't even know anymore.

Anyways...sorry I got to rambling about myself. I just know how it feels to be at the end of your rope.

Totheend12345's picture

Submitted by Totheend12345 on Mon, 02/12/2018 - 1:35pm

RUN! If you are not happy I would not stay waiting for things to get better. Your worth more then a sad relationship.

witch.hazel's picture

Submitted by witch.hazel on Mon, 02/12/2018 - 2:31pm

Same here. Once I left, I only wondered why I hadn't done it earlier....so many wasted years of MY youth. YOU matter!

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Submitted by notsurehowtodeal on Mon, 02/12/2018 - 3:23pm

Please protect the pet. If you can't, consider homecoming. I have no patience for a kid who hurts animals.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

Submitted by GhostWhoCooksDinner on Mon, 02/12/2018 - 3:47pm

These are kids who will never, ever launch. You'll never be rid of them. Think about that. And the MIL calling constantly. No, nope. I'd be over the relationship too!

Valkyrie's picture

Submitted by Valkyrie on Mon, 02/12/2018 - 7:16pm

Same circus, different clown here. My SO does not make the relationship a priority, leaving me the outsider to the SO and Skid LoveFest. I have lost respect and therefore love for SO and I don't believe he will change his Disney Dadding ways and start being a real parent or partner any time soon.

I feel the relationship will likely work if your DH is willing to communicate, negotiate and put the priority on the relationship. Take the time to think about what YOU want. I am sorry that you feel invisible, I know how it feels.

Loxy's picture

Submitted by Loxy on Thu, 02/15/2018 - 2:32am

There is nothing more unattractive than a mumma's boy and on top of that both your kids and partner show you no respect. The question is not should you leave, the question is why would you stay?

jojo68's picture

Submitted by jojo68 on Wed, 02/21/2018 - 5:29pm

I'm sorry...I know just how you feel. I've come to the revelation that things will never get any better. The only happiness I have is when SD17 isn't around. She goes through friends/boyfriends pretty regularly so when she is without a friend to hangout with she goes everywhere her father goes and I hate being around her so I am left alone because he won't say no to her. It will never change. She will never leave our home I am almost sure of that and I have to figure out if my love for my husband outweighs the anger and resentment I have towards my SD. I am not young and wonder if I want to live the rest of my life feeling angry over a situation that truly has no answer. Good Luck to you!