I am a 40 yr old divorced female with 2 biological sons ages 9 and 6 who live with me fulltime. My fiancee who we live with also has a son Matthew who is 8, and diagnosed Autistic. Dad has full custody of matthew, so he also lives with us. Let me explain Matthews autism before I go any further. He is high functioning autistic; he is in a general education classroom at school and has a personal care aide in there with him for when he needs help, breaks, gets frustrated, etc.

I can't stand my soon to be stepson. Everyone in his life up to now has babied him. He can do no wrong and because he's autistic, rarely if ever gets punished. My fiancee feels as though he disciplines the kids the same, but he just doesn't. My kids are rough and tumble BOYS, REAL BOYISH BOYS. They get into things they shouldn;t make messes, break things, lose things, etc. Normal really. When they are punished, they have to go to timeout, or to their room or lose playtime, etc. U know, a normal punishment. Matthew gets a "talking to". Occasionally dad will put him in timeout but rarely.

Matthew has severely delayed gross and fine motor skills and he 'stims' with toys in his face (autistic behaviors). Because of this, everyone in his life in the past I think has just done everything for him. Now, he is 8 yrs old, can't put a straw into a capri sun sack, can't button buttons, zip a zipper, tie shoes, nothing. And it is ACCEPTABLE to everyone except me!

This child also has temper tantrums and hits and bites. He has hit me on many occasions, told me i'm stupid, dumb, etc. Never gets punished for this either. At this point in my life, I love his dad and want to marry him, but have only sheer resentment that I have this kid in my life fulltime with what I feel is little to no support.

There is so much more to tell, but basically I just came here to get advice from other stepmoms to see how they deal with the stepkids that irk their very souls!

DLedden