I'm Pathetic
I know I am. Does anybody else feel like their whole sense of who they were and the self esteem they had has been completely torn apart by the ridiculousness of being a SM? I feel so much like just a piece of shit. I know, most of you will say "just leave" Well, I gave up my house, my car, my business, my friends, basically everything for my husband. Yep, stupid, I know. So I don't have any means of leaving even if I wanted to. What I want is my DH to actually listen to me. No matter what I say my reasoning is for this or that, he doesn't believe me. He has a pre-made idea in his head concocted from previous relationships, so of course I must behave a certain way because "all" women do. Then, no matter what BM does that is ridiculous or no matter what SD12 does that sucks, I'm the one that "needs to deal" "it's just drama" Why don't I get a choice and why am I automatically wrong just because I'm the SM? It so sucks!
Then, he does what my mom used to do to me as a kid. If you asked for a favor or in DH's case he pays for something for all of us or my DDs, he does it all nice and wonderful, then throws it in your face later, "Well I did this and I paid for that and what did you do?" I want to say DON'T FUCKING DO IT THEN!!!! Don't do anything you don't want to, Don't pay for anything you don't want to, just give me a break about it!!!!
And finally, the best thing is, he thinks the way to deal with problems is just to swallow and say nothing. So, because that is his method of dealing with life, I'm supposed to. The problem with that is I have no one to talk to even to vent, except here and I feel like I'm just going to explode inside from all the aggravation, hurt, frustration. IT SO SUCKS!
Do you have a job? If so,
Do you have a job? If so, start saving your income and CS so that you can move out.
Staying with someone who makes you feel this way about yourself isn't good for you or your girls.
I have a "production based"
I have a "production based" job, so when there is no work available to me, there is no money. I get no CS from my X, so what little money I do make barely takes care of this or that when my daughters need something. I truly have been sending resumes, applying to different things, etc. with no luck thus far.
Thank you for taking time to
Thank you for taking time to post. I really, really needed that kind of encouragement. I'm definitely going to keep trying to find a different job, everyday. Hope for me to get a yes soon, instead of not hearing back or getting no for an answer.
You aren't pathetic! You're
You aren't pathetic! You're just feeling trapped in a bad situation.
Try to reconnect with a friend or two from "before". Female friends. You don't need to add drama by having male friends in the picture at this point. You'd be surprised how many women have been with men who took their entire support system away just to make it hard for the woman to escape.
Keep working on finding a job. I like the temp agency idea--they are a great springboard if you're having troubles finding jobs the traditional way. Every single time you get paid, put as much money away as possible and save it for your escape. You are living in an abusive household and you need to escape, but you have to be smart about it or you'll end up in another bad situation.
As far as home life goes, for the time being keep the peace. Don't engage in fights about what you should or should not be doing. Keep planning your escape. When he starts his crap, just have your inner voice on repeat "it's his problem, not mine and I will get away from this".
I feel the same way -- it can
I feel the same way -- it can be debilitating and spirit damaging. But it ain't over 'til it's over.
I feel the same way -- it can
I feel the same way -- it can be debilitating and spirit damaging. But it ain't over 'til it's over.
I feel the same way -- it can
I feel the same way -- it can be debilitating and spirit damaging. But it ain't over 'til it's over.
I have been where you are, in
I have been where you are, in my first marriage. I left with the very bare essentials and two kids. I swore I would never do that again! My advice on either finding your own footing, or getting out... First if you buy the groceries, start couponing! (Save money and add it to a new account & also do walmart savings catcher if you have that at your walmart and shop there) Second, open a account with a different bank then your DH. Take on odd jobs while he is not home, ie babysit or clean houses.. Put as much money into the account as you can! Third, try to find a job that hubby can know about. Put money into 'other' account and some in the account he does see.
If you want out these are the steps to getting there. If you want to fix things, go to counseling!!! I wish you the best!!!
Hi Mrs. December. Welcome to
Hi Mrs. December. Welcome to the pathetic club
Really, I find knowing I am not alone by coming to this site and venting makes me feel better. It really is hard not to feel pathetic in our SM role. It sucks. It is unnatural. It is unfair. And the general public thinks we are to blame for the issues. And it is easy for people to tell you to leave, but that is hard for many reasons. For you, there are money issues and you have a daughter to think of. I am sure you know deep down that having a strong mother who doesn't have a crappy partner is better for her development, but on the other hand, she needs to eat and have a bed to sleep in. There are others of us who feel just as stuck, but don't have biokids and don't even have money issues. We are probably more pathetic I will be first to admit. What happens (I have thought a lot about this) is that we let our partners and BM and skids get under our skin. The hurts and insults and degradations build and fester. We stay and feel bad for staying. We start to feel we are weak and powerless. The lower the self esteem gets the more we lack the confidence to bail out. We think about how lonely we would be instead of how awesome we could be alone. We forget what we used to be pre-skids. As our esteem drops further, we stop treating ourself to pretty clothes and little treats and fun things that lift our spirits (I haven't had a haircut in 6 months and I know it would boost my mood). Instead of going out and taking on life, we sit in the bedroom and cry and we hate ourselves for doing it. What starts out as avoiding skids and BM becomes avoiding life. Now that I have depressed myself.....how old are you? How long have you been in this bad relationship? College grad? If not, can you take classes to both improve your job prospects and improve you overall? Education is the greatest way out of any bad situation for a lot of reasons. Depending on the type of person you are, sometimes exercise really helps. It lifts the spirits and makes you look great. The more energy you have and the better you looks and the more guys giving you the eye, the more you will have the confidence to make tough choices. You can do exercise anywhere and for no money at all if you want. I think the best idea of all is the one already posed. Get out and work, make some money, plus meet people who can remind you that life is more that DH and skids. As little as it sounds, eat well, get enough sleep, treat yourself to a nice long walk....all of these things help put life into perspective. The bottom line is to take good care of yourself so that you can make good choices and take care of your daughter. Who knows, maybe your DH will see the changes in you and really respect you more and start treating you better. If not, you will be the stronger more financially secure woman who can get up and leave. Sometimes the ones who don't make the right choices give the best advice about what they SHOULD have done themselves. Hopefully some advice from here helps.