Is it just me that has this?
Forums:
I'm getting really bloody frustrated.
My SS7 is a horror when I'm around. Rude, dirty, obnoxious, naughty, ignorant etc etc but when I'm not around, according to everyone else he's a bloody angel.
He's been wonderful today, been so well behaved blah blah blah.
I don't believe for a minute he's been well behaved, just that they ignore everything he does. It's really starting to piss me off.
If I got a text, just once, to say that he was a bit rude but it had been dealt with, I'd be over the moon. Not in a sadistic way - more in a they are seeing him for what he really is kind of way.
I feel like I'm going mad!
Do you have bios? I only ask
Do you have bios? I only ask because I experience this same phenomenon with them. Apparently, they save all their poor behavior for me, but morph into angels the moment I'm out of sight. :?
Sounds pretty normal to me.
Sounds pretty normal to me. Some kids will behave great with one person but be a terror with another.
Perhaps the people saying
Perhaps the people saying this are delusional? My SS7's entire family on BM's side thinks he's a angel that is the smartest thing since sliced bread, can do no wrong, and there is absolutely nothing weird about him. BUT, they are all in rainbows and lollipops land along with BM. And it isn't that he acts differently in my house. It's that I don't let him get away with murder and his "cute antics" are not tolerated. He knows what I expect, he knows I will go through with punishments, and he respects me because of it. This is also the reason why I'm the only adult he shows respect to and he tells me his secrets (i.e. all the crap he pulls over on BM and her family). She would shit her pants if she knew some of the things he tells me!
Thank you! This is exactly
Thank you! This is exactly it. Exactly what I'm getting at.
Why can they not see that he doesn't fart flowers? Why does my OH not tell me the truth about him?
I am the only one who disciplines too and I just want to hear that my OH is keeping up with his promise to discipline him and not let him wreck my home whilst I'm at my mothers, but no, he's farting flowers again...
How do I physically stop
How do I physically stop myself from disciplining him in my home? I cannot sit back as he's rude to my baby daughter. I can't watch him ruin furniture and put my daughter in danger by carrying heavy things over her head.
Do I hide away from him? I do this often enough as it is and it's really not fair on my daughter.
I have 3 grown up with ex
I have 3 grown up with ex husband and a 10 month old with my OH, so I have plenty of experience with children. What I'm really getting at is that I know they're lying to me as MIL has admitted that she's told my OH and BM how good he is and then admitted later on that he'd been pushing her around.
Everyone seems so protective of him that they won't ever admit he's been naughty or discipline him, even when he's naughty in front of all of us.
My OH promised me that he wouldn't go slack on discipline whilst I was away, but we've gone straight back to him being an angel again. For gods sake, even normal children are naughty at times! All I want is the truth but he doesn't treat me like I matter or am part of the family...
Wouldn't it be funny if
Wouldn't it be funny if someone was on here bragging about their kids and didn't know there was a step parent calling those same kids terrible? I'm mean all skids are bad, all bios are good, but those skids are someone's bios and then what?!?!
I would consider myself a
I would consider myself a fair person, actually.
I have never been one to call my kids angels and am well aware of their capabilities. My BS19 drives me insane at times. Always has from being little. He was the dangerous one, the naughty one, the one that wouldn't sleep ever and he hasn't changed much since he's grown up.
May I also say that my OH and his mother are the first to slag off my children, whilst calling SS - who had just spat at me/kicked my cat/told his BM that I leave him to entertain my 10 month old, but never ever discipline him, whereas my kids were.
Can't wait for counselling...
I'm sorry, I really didn't
I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to direct my comment at you personally. It was just something I thought would be funny. Two SMs complaining about skids and then one SM realizing the other SM is complaining about her precious perfect bios! In a world with so many SMs, it's possible!
Apologies, I took your post
Apologies, I took your post the wrong way.
Because on here you only hear
Because on here you only hear one side of the story, just like if you went to a site for bios venting on stepparents, and to hear just one side is to hear no side.
Some stories on here are heartbreaking, but others just make me roll my eyes and think "yeah whatever, Chuckles"
You are right, and you are
You are right, and you are not crazy.
However, you will never get them to admit anything if they don't want to. So all you can do is stop driving yourself crazy by expecting them to acknowledge that the kid behaves badly. It will probably never happen. You will probably never get the validation that you are seeking.
I deal with this every time I'm together with my husband's family. They have some weird set of blinders on, that my husband kids are these wonderful heaven sent angels. The thing is, they are not bad kids - but they also don't fart glitter. Truthfully, they are very average, but friendly kids. But that is it. You wouldn't know it though, to see how they are fawned over by my husband's family. There is a new baby niece in the family now, and I see that they treat her the same. She is a very average baby. You know how some babies have amazing personalities, and everyone is drawn to them? She's not really like that yet. But, to watch his family around this child, you'd think that she was a child prodigy. So I get it, because they're blood, they are superstars.
Doesn't mean that it doesn't get under my skin though! For example: We have two sons, my bio son is 14 and my stepson is 15. There is a full year between them in age, and only a 1 inch difference in height between them. Virtually every year for the last seven years there has only been a 1 inch height difference between them (my son has always been tall for his age). And Every. Freaking. Time. We get together with his family, they go on and on and on about how tall my stepson is! Without fail, as we walked through the door and he gets his welcome kiss, there is a comment on how tall the kid is. It has gotten really old... Plus, it makes my son feel like crap, it's as though he isn't even there. However, my son and I both now understand that this is something they need to do, and if that's the best thing they can find to compliment my stepson on, then I actually feel pretty sad about it.
Do yourself a favour, come to terms internally with the fact that they won't admit the truth, because frankly I don't think they can accept the truth.
Thank you for understanding.
Thank you for understanding. Unfortunately, as his father 'disciplines' our baby girl, then he needs to discipline his son too, before we end up leaving him.
MIL takes zero notice of our baby anymore and she is a blood relative. She couldn't seem to care less about her and when she comes over, before she has even say down she asks about SS. Everything revolves around this boy. The heavens and earth. She couldn't give 2 hoots for our daughter - which really upsets my OH as well. Not that he'd say anything to her.
I don't want them to pay any attention to my grown up kids. They have a father who is brilliant with them and a grandma who dotes on them already. I'm sorry for your son though. That's not nice.
People overcompensate with
People overcompensate with favors, compliments etc on the children for whom they feel a little sorry. I see moms here complaining about the "special treatment" their steps get and wonder why it's not obvious to them the reason.
I could understand if OH felt
I could understand if OH felt close to SS but he doesn't. He is suffering from Guilty daddy syndrome but he knows his son is naughty. He also knows we're on our last legs here unless he starts dealing with his sons bad behaviour. Every time we get somewhere, MIL pulls the 'SS is always crying when he's round your house'. Yes, when she is there because he manipulates her to get what he wants!
Shame our baby daughter doesn't get the same special treatment from his family. MIL sees SS more than her and certainly treats him far better.
That's exactly right. It's
That's exactly right. It's from guilt that the overcompensation comes. That's not healthy for anyone, skids or bios. Try to see it for what it is- a manifestation of guilt. It's not true favoritism. It's forced and unhealthy and frankly the skids see through it.
Why can they not see that he
Why can they not see that he doesn't fart flowers? Why does my OH not tell me the truth about him?
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Because it is his bio child. We all have blinders on at some point about our bios.
Strange you say that, as my
Strange you say that, as my OH's SD (SS's half sister by BM) accused my OH of abuse many years ago. That's the kind of family he's been bought up by. BM is a complete fruit n nut and the worst parent I have ever known. How she's not had those kids taken away from her I have no idea...
So yep, that'll probably be next for me, but the sun will still shine out of his arse as far as MIL is concerned!