Is it wrong to feel ok with this?

Forums:

Long story short, SD13 is completely manipulated and controlled by Snaggletooth.

Snaggletooth is crazy and did something a few months back where I had to call the police, and instead of diffusing the situation in front of her kids, BM had a tantrum and a meltdown that I was trying to put her in jail. Of course, I became the b!tch and SD refused to see me etc.. She also blamed DH for 'allowing' me to call police. (forget the fact that her mother did something criminal)

Over the last few months, DH has been to joint counselling sessions and spent one on one time with SD13, and a few weeks ago she said she 'forgave' me and was ok with me being around again.

1. when BM found out I was a topic of conversation at counselling, she cancelled it all. yep- MOTY
2. BM is refusing that I be around SD13.

DH and I have had a VERY rough few months because he feels guilty and that he invited even more drama into SD13's life. SD already has to manage a crazy BM, but now its worse. (again- his logic is that we knew BM would get even more crazypants when i called the cops, but he also agrees it had to be done- see the confusion??)

In any case, DH understood that SD didn't want to see me, and I decided to stay away to give her less anxiety. Then as I said earlier, SD has been coming around and deciding to use her OWN brain and see that I'm not the bad guy. YEAH for small steps!! (it was also really nice for DH because they were spending great time together)

Then SD13 made the mistake of telling BM that I would be around for visitation moving forward since I'm his wife and excluding me was no longer an option.

It has now been about a month, DH has not seen SD13, she refuses and says that she only said she forgave me to make him happy, but that she still blames me for potentially causing her Mommmmmmyyyyyyy to go to jail... PULEEEEEZE. We are at an impasse and DH is standing his ground. BM will not dictate where I can spend my time. DH is sick of the bullshit and the constant manipulation, so as far as he is concerned, when SD wants to spend time as a family, great. Until then? He won't see her. I'm ok with this, and honestly things are so calm when she's not around... but i feel bad that DH misses her.

I would need more details to

I would need more details to decide if it's ok that you're ok with this. what did BM do to make you call the cops?

Also, is there a court order in place? If so, why have no charges been filed against BM for witholding visitation? If not, why not? It is irresponsible on a man's part to not have a court order for visitation/cs with a BM. & it's unfair to you.

She criminally harassed

She criminally harassed me.(what she did exactly would potentially out me on this site- suffice to say, it HAD to be done)

There is no CO, I think 12yrs ago when this all went down, DH was given really bad advice from a lazy lawyer.

All visitation, child support etc.. has been done via a very 'unlegal' internet print out. They have always had a bad relationship, but BM was so concerned with her life and CS money etc.. that she used to be very regular with visitation.

I met DH 4 yrs ago and we are now married, BM went off the rails when we got married. Please bear in mind, she is MARRIED with ANOTHER 2 kids... (dH and BM were never married)

At this stage what would a CO do? Force a 13yr old to be somewhere she doesn't want to be? This kid is super brainwashed- Mommmmmyyyyy is the end all be all of life. It's pathetic actually.

I spoke with mediator and he told me that at 13 a judge would not rock the boat too much and that we'd be throwing away money. (BM is destitute and would have court ordered representation, while we would be paying through the nose) I'm not prepared to throw away our future so that BM can drag us indefinitely through court.

I say this because a very good friend had a similar situation and at 46yrs of age is starting all over, from scratch, with a son who 'hates' him due to PAS and zero savings because of lawyer fees.

It's like BM blows hot and cold, and she'll eventually calm dowm. She is just pissed I had enough of her BS and called her out on it. She is a huge bully that DH's family cowed down to until now. She has her tail between her legs and she's mad because she thought I'd bow down too.

At 13 you would still get

At 13 you would still get visitation. Talk to a lawyer, not a mediator. It's not something that would be dragged, you aren't going for full custody, just to get a parenting plan. It would force a 13 year old to be somewhere she didn't want to be, yes, but once she got there she would realize she does want to be there. SD won't have to feel like she is 'betraying' BM by coming to visit - she can play it off to BM as she HAS to. SD may want to see you all, but be afraid to tell BM. It happens often.

If it gets too bad and goes on too long it'll be too late & she will be PAS'd past the point of no return.

There is no reason to not have a court order. She could up & decide one day she wants one & stick it to your husband for back child support. Get a lawyers advice & get this cleaned up before it becomes a bigger mess & you'll be happier.

We payed 1500 for our parenting plan/child support modification/visitation schedule modification. It was 1 day in court. No big deal. Anything they couldn't agree on the judge decided. You having a police report to document her craziness will help you out in court.

She is causing trouble because your husband is allowing her to. He has given her all the cards. Take some back.